Today on Ask Ashy

[Jaro]

Are you from Flanders or Wallonia?
Do you speak Dutch or French or both?

 

[MessyAshy]

Are you from Flanders or Wallonia?
Do you speak Dutch or French or both?

Flanders, and my french is n'est pas bon. Silly language, really. so just dutch and english. Which is annoying, because i grew up center flanders, so didn't care about learning french, and now i live practically on the language border.

 

[Butterfly]

1. When do you feel like the best version of yourself?

2. What keeps you up at night?

3. Has a piece of media (book, film, play, song, etc.) ever changed the way you thought about the world?

4. If you were a ghost tied to one location in the afterlife, where would you haunt?

5. What are the stories behind your scars/tattoos, if you have any?

6. What is something you are confident you will never do in your life?

7. What’s your million dollar idea for a business or invention?

8. What physical feature of yours would a caricature artist blow out of proportion?

9. What is something you and I disagree on?

 

[MessyAshy]

1. When do you feel like the best version of yourself?

When I'm helping people. There are those who consider the first sign of civilization to be a broken leg that has healed. Animals in nature who break their leg can't hunt, or run away from predators, they can't go looking for food and water. As such, they don't live long enough for the leg to heal. So a broken leg that has healed implies others helped the injured person, protected them, and went out of their way to care for them. I personally think that is a great way to asses when civilization started.

2. What keeps you up at night?

Existential dread, fear for coming events, the cat playing with something noisy, and the moon.

3. Has a piece of media (book, film, play, song, etc.) ever changed the way you thought about the world?

The matrix made me realize that I don't really know what is real and what isn't. And I decided to just focus on the reality I can perceive in the moment.

4. If you were a ghost tied to one location in the afterlife, where would you haunt?

City hall, scare the hell out of greedy politicians forever.

5. What are the stories behind your scars/tattoos, if you have any?

No tattoos. I got some minor scars, mainly from picking scabs over and over and over for months. Nothing with a cool story behind it.

6. What is something you are confident you will never do in your life?

kill someone, vote for right wing parties, tolerate spiders.

7. What’s your million dollar idea for a business or invention?

A school to teach advertisers and marketing people how to sell products while also not being a majorly annoying cunt about it.

8. What physical feature of yours would a caricature artist blow out of proportion?

My lazy eye, probably.

9. What is something you and I disagree on?

The deliciousness of tuna pizza.

 

[Butterfly]

Tuna pizza makes me want to throw up lol

1. Who is the last person you had a crush on?
2. If you could replace all water in the world with another liquid, what would it be?
3. Would you rather burp glitter or fart confetti?
4. If animals could talk, which species would be the rudest?
5. What job would your pet have if they were human?
6. What's the weirdest thing you have ever googled?
7. If you had to rename everyday objects, what would you call spoons?
8. What mythical creature would you choose as a pet?
9. What is the worst question you have ever been asked on an ama?
10. Have you ever read a book that broke your heart?

 

[MessyAshy]

1. Who is the last person you had a crush on?

Well... you. But that could also be "omg, this person doms me, i want to be with them forevvaaaarrrr!"
Feelings are weird like that. You are very nice though, and we have good things in common, so i hope you stick around.

The reason I wait and let it grow naturally into what it's gonna be is because some psychological phenomenons I've heard of. It's about society typically doesn't allow men to express feelings, we only get to express ourselves in private with someone really intimate, like close family, or a romantic partner. So when men get to do that with someone they're like "ooh, this must be love". But in female circles... that's what friends do. Friends are vulnerable with each other.

And that is how a lot of weird situations are caused where women act completely normal, and a guy just gets angry because "she was flirting with me, and she friendzoned me and she's a bitch for leading me on!" and the girl is like "we talked about your dead brother, that's not flirting!" but it's just because the boundaries of intimacy are different for most men than they are for most women.

So that's why I hold back and temper my emotions with logic.

2. If you could replace all water in the world with another liquid, what would it be?

All water? We need that to live! And so do fish. And trees need it, and it goes into our fruits and vegetables, and the rain, and we clean with it, and boats float on it to transport stuff... Replace it with anything and life on this planet ends, like, next week, it's a very important thing to have. In fact, it's pretty much the only thing we need 70% of our planet made of, it is that important.

But if all of that were untrue... i dunno, rainbow slime?

3. Would you rather burp glitter or fart confetti?

Burp glitter. I control my burps, way easier to deal with.

4. If animals could talk, which species would be the rudest?

Maybe mosquitos, because they already are. I mean, they got the whole room to fly around, my whole body to bite, why is it that every time they start buzzing in my fucking ear just as i drift off to sleep? STAY AWAY FROM MY EAR!

5. What job would your pet have if they were human?

He's a cat, so... Middle manager who doesn't understand the job but he's the boss's cousin, and he just tells people how to do things even though he's clueless and the success of the company kind of hinges on how much the workers can do it the correct way when he's not looking.

6. What's the weirdest thing you have ever googled?

I google weird stuff. Aside from my weird kinks, I google the random questions that pop up in my head, like do certain animals feel love, what is gravity, who was the 17th president... The weirdest result was when I googled if the 9/11 attacks were done that day as a deliberate nod to the emergency number, and the first few results were trustworthy sources saying no connection was ever explicitly stated by the terrorists, and then i stumbled into a conspiracy numerology hole that set out to prove the existence of an even more secret organization that controlled the illuminati through badgers or some shit, just the craziest most nonsensical conspiracies i've ever laid eyes on. I'd call it a parody if it weren't so in-depth.

7. If you had to rename everyday objects, what would you call spoons?

Kevin, just to fuck with all the kevins out there. Fuck you, kevin.

8. What mythical creature would you choose as a pet?

nine tailed fox.

9. What is the worst question you have ever been asked on an ama?

98% of them are yours, i've never had an AMA be this succesful, let alone by one person. And you have good questions. Going back through this thread...
...
...
...
Yeah, i think the replacing water one wins it. Just because we'd all die if water goes away.

10. Have you ever read a book that broke your heart?

Math books... Because i was bad at math, so bad they gave me after school tutoring. and it helped, and i started to get it, and i got good at math... and then they started throwing the alphabet in there like wtf are you actually doing to me... The only X i want to find is the one in my (real) name. So then i went to tradeschool and the only math we needed to learn was the practical stuff, like calculate the surface of the wall, then select the paint from this catalog to paint it with, and calculate the price. EZPZ.

 

[Jaro]

How accurate is this painting of your actual penis?

Post in thread 'Kinky DIY'

Sunday at 10:43 AM

If it is a painting, you can post it. As long as it isn't a real life photo

• MessyAshy

• 

 

[MessyAshy]

How accurate is this painting of your actual penis?

Post in thread 'Kinky DIY'

Sunday at 10:43 AM

If it is a painting, you can post it. As long as it isn't a real life photo

• MessyAshy

• 

I'd give it a solid 7/10, which is good considering the impressionist art style.

 

[Butterfly]

I am flattered that you have a crush on me <3
Also, happy you like my questions. I love reading your answers.


If you could merge two animals to create the ultimate predator, what would they be and why?
If your conciousness was uploaded into a Roomba, what would be your new life goal?
You're suddenly able to taste lies. How does that affect your daily life?
Whats the most useless but entertaining superpower you could imagine?
What's the worse thing a smart fridge could say to you during a breakup?
If socks could feel pain, how would laundry day change?
Which vegetable do you think is plotting against humanity, and why is it celery?

 

[MessyAshy]

If you could merge two animals to create the ultimate predator, what would they be and why?

Hmm... maybe the speed of a cheetah with the strength and durability of a hippo.

If your conciousness was uploaded into a Roomba, what would be your new life goal?

Get kittens to ride me.

You're suddenly able to taste lies. How does that affect your daily life?

Depending on the taste I'd either watch political debates all day, or never again.

Whats the most useless but entertaining superpower you could imagine?

The ability to make people sneeze glitter.

What's the worse thing a smart fridge could say to you during a breakup?

"Chill out, she was giving you the cold shoulder for weeks. At least now you're free to meet someone cooler. Just stay frosty and keep a cool head. Would you like some icebreakers for when you're chilling with a new girl?"

If socks could feel pain, how would laundry day change?

It would be more sadistic... but a small price to pay, at least they're not out in the wild fending for themselves.

Which vegetable do you think is plotting against humanity, and why is it celery?

I think celery is just the distraction, beets are the real masterminds.

 

[The Brat Princess]

1. You build a time machine, but should you ever use it the machine will randomly take you to different times and locations of its own intent finally dropping you back in the present. Nothing can be repeated or fixed once done. Do you use it?
2. You find a deivce that can turn you invisable for 30 minutes every hour. How do you use those 30 minutes?
3. You are able to create a kinky doungeon for local people and are offered 3 locations. A castle, A hotel or A factory. Which do you choose?
4. You are given a vibrator that is capable of giving you the best orgasms of your life, but the cost is it will lock in place and give out the orgasms at random times of its choosing. Do you risk using it for a week and potensially orgasming in places you would rather not?
5. Which is better red or green?
6 . Do you prefer strict or tentatie?

 

[MessyAshy]

1. You build a time machine, but should you ever use it the machine will randomly take you to different times and locations of its own intent finally dropping you back in the present. Nothing can be repeated or fixed once done. Do you use it?

No, way too dangerous.

2. You find a deivce that can turn you invisable for 30 minutes every hour. How do you use those 30 minutes?

Get famous as the 30 minute invisibility man, get rich, live the good life.

3. You are able to create a kinky doungeon for local people and are offered 3 locations. A castle, A hotel or A factory. Which do you choose?

A factory, fits with my city's history as a textile haven.

4. You are given a vibrator that is capable of giving you the best orgasms of your life, but the cost is it will lock in place and give out the orgasms at random times of its choosing. Do you risk using it for a week and potensially orgasming in places you would rather not?

Hell yeah, sounds like a fun week.

5. Which is better red or green?

Red.

6 . Do you prefer strict or tentatie?

Strict.

 

[Butterfly]

1. If your thoughts were broadcast as a podcast, what would this week's episode be called?
2. If you had to be haunted by a ghost, but you could choose who, who would it be and why?
3. What conspiracy theory do you wish could be trust just for the drama?
4. What's a food you irrationally trust?
5. What's your go to fake name?
6. If jobs were assigned based on your internet search history, what would you be doing right now?
7. If you could ban one mundane thing forever(ie parallel parking, spoons, voicemail), what would it be?
8. If time froze for everybody except you for 24 hours, how would you spend it?

 

[MessyAshy]

1. If your thoughts were broadcast as a podcast, what would this week's episode be called?

The hunt for snacks.

2. If you had to be haunted by a ghost, but you could choose who, who would it be and why?

I don't know... someone kinky, marie antoinette or something.

3. What conspiracy theory do you wish could be trust just for the drama?

Illuminati controlling the world... would be more fun if there was a coordinated effort to ruin the world, rather than the culmination of mass stupidity we gotta deal with now.

4. What's a food you irrationally trust?

This is a weird question. The food isn't the issue, it's the origin. If it's just laying in the middle of the street being run over by cars it could be your favorite meal, but you won't eat it.

Also skittles.

5. What's your go to fake name?

Ashe

6. If jobs were assigned based on your internet search history, what would you be doing right now?

Working for youtube.

7. If you could ban one mundane thing forever(ie parallel parking, spoons, voicemail), what would it be?

Paper price tag stickers. they always tear, leave bits behind, fuckin hate it. Just find a way to price stuff that doesn't taint the item.

8. If time froze for everybody except you for 24 hours, how would you spend it?

Shopping.

 

[Butterfly]

1. If you could design a "kink themed" amusement part ride, what would it entail?
2. What's the most unexpected item you've repurposed as a pleasure device?
3. If your favorite kink were a flavor, how would describe its taste?
4. If you could live out a scene from any movie, with a kinky twist, which would it be?
5. Have you ever had a 'kink fail' moment that turned into a comedy of errors?
6. Have you ever had a moment where your pet interrupted a scene in an amusing way?
7. What's the most unusual place you've ever had a scene or session?

 

[MessyAshy]

1. If you could design a "kink themed" amusement part ride, what would it entail?

Alright, this is a good one. It's one of those haunted house rides where you're driving through in a cart. Just full of bdsm scenes, caning, branding, shocking, bondage, gunge, body worship, all the things. Now here's the twist, every seat has a vibrating plug you sit on, and the vibration is controlled by the person behind you. If you get too excited and orgasm, you are collected at the end of the ride, and become part of the section you orgasmed at for 30 minutes. If you orgasmed multiple times... it's gonna be a long day.

2. What's the most unexpected item you've repurposed as a pleasure device?

I had a vibrating pikachu plush...

3. If your favorite kink were a flavor, how would describe its taste?

sweet and gooey

4. If you could live out a scene from any movie, with a kinky twist, which would it be?

A lot of Closet Land, just a very long and varied interrogation scene. You should check it out if you haven't yet, it's available on youtube.

5. Have you ever had a 'kink fail' moment that turned into a comedy of errors?

It was sort of engineered to possibly fail. Had to lay flat with a homemade funnel in my mouth, a bottle with the bottom cut off. Then fill it with my pee, and drink it. It went down the wrong hole, I coughed, pulled the funnel away, pee went everywhere, i nearly drowned... good times.

6. Have you ever had a moment where your pet interrupted a scene in an amusing way?

Never amusing, sometimes I'm just starting to watch some porn and the cat is like "lap time!"

And no, his purring doesn't get me off.

7. What's the most unusual place you've ever had a scene or session?

Home... it's where all my sessions are, so it is both the weirdest and most normal place.

 

[Jaro]

What is the circumference of your hard penis? In centimeters please.

 

[MessyAshy]

What is the circumference of your hard penis? In centimeters please.

13.5cm

 

[MessyAshy]

What is the circumference of your hard penis? In centimeters please.

Or I could just fuck you and you tell me.