Today on Ask Ashy

[MessyAshy]

1. What do you know isn't real, but want badly for it to exist?

Nutrient pills. Take one, don't need to cook today. Or take half of one and a pizza if you feel like pizza.

2. What is the greatest physical pain you've ever felt?

Broken infected tooth. Maddening agony.

3. What is something you don't realize is weird until you really think about it?

Borders. Our great great great grandfathers drew some lines on a map, and now we have to live between the lines we're born in unless we get a special permission.

4. Can you tell me a joke?

I've seriously misunderstood pride month. Anyone want to buy 15 lions?

5. Is there something you wish everybody knew about you without you having to tell them?

Invite me to stuff. I may say no 9 times out of 10, but I appreciate the thought.

6. What trait do you admire in others but don't possess yourself?

The ability to be social.

7. What question do you most hate being asked?

"Why would you like to work for this company" You offer payment for work, that's why. After 100 job applications I was so sick of pretending every job I applied to was a dream come true.

8. What is something other people admire about you?

My ability to express myself.

9. What's the best outcome of a complete accident you've experienced in your life?

As a joke my classmates selected me to give the graduation speech on behalf of the class... Which is how I discovered I'm pretty damn awesome with writing and stage presence.

10. Have you ever gotten the giggles in an inappropriate place? Where was it?

Someone in class did a not good thing, teacher lined us up and started grilling us, I couldn't stop laughing, we all got punished.

 

[Butterfly]

1. You have enough money to make a sizeable charitable donation—to which charity do you donate it and why? Or, if you choose not to go through a charity, how would you spend this money in a philanthropic way?
2. What is something weird you do that you wonder if other people do as well?
3. Suddenly you're in a horror film, running from a masked murderer. Your only companion is the last person you texted, and your only weapon is whatever is currently closest to your left hand. What is the movie like and do you think you could survive?
4. What is one thing you're tired of telling/explaining to people?
5. What embarrassing memory will forever be burned into your mind?
6. What was the busiest day of your life thus far?
7. What was the greatest day of your life thus far?
8. What was the worst day of your life thus far?
9. What is one thing you're good at that people don't expect?
10. In what way do you differ most from your parents?

 

[MessyAshy]

1. You have enough money to make a sizeable charitable donation—to which charity do you donate it and why? Or, if you choose not to go through a charity, how would you spend this money in a philanthropic way?

Easy, the local charity I volunteer at. We provide little free activities for people in poverty, give them something to do, give them a community. We also help when we can with giving donated stuff, lil bits of food, clothes, furniture, we have a service to help people move, do yard work, small home repairs... For pretty much any problem, just ask and we'll see what we can do. If we can't help, we know who can.

And then with all those contacts we gather info about the problems people in poverty face, and present those to the government so they can hopefully fix it. That is where I most often come in, I use my writing and public speaking ability to share our stories wherever I'm able.

2. What is something weird you do that you wonder if other people do as well?

My dreams are quite weird, I have a consistent dream world. A patchwork of paradoxical dream versions of places I've been a lot. Sometimes new places get added, but some parts are decades old, and I still see them in some dreams. There's even trains, busses, doors, and roads that connect different parts that have always been the same. Over the years it has turned into quite a complex world and almost a parallel life I live.

I've never met anyone who dreams like I do, And it's one of the weirdest things my brain does.

3. Suddenly you're in a horror film, running from a masked murderer. Your only companion is the last person you texted, and your only weapon is whatever is currently closest to your left hand. What is the movie like and do you think you could survive?

Now, if you mean phone texted specifically then it's someone from my volunteer place, but if discord DM's count then @Butterfly is my horror companion.

As for my weapon, of course you ask this when all my swords and knives are in boxes. Guess I'm fighting off the killer with a coffee cup. At least I'll be awake for my horrible death.

4. What is one thing you're tired of telling/explaining to people?

I'm not sure there is anything. There have been things where I've had to accept that a certain person just isn't going to get it because they're too set in their ways, like an old lady with racist tendencies. Even though she accepts all the logic presented to her, there's still some racism she holds on to because she's just believed it for so long without anyone talking through it and giving clarity. So in those cases there's just nothing I can do to change her mind.

But that won't stop me from trying with the next person, and even revisiting that conversation with her in a month, in a year, whenever she's open to it. I'm a very patient teacher.

5. What embarrassing memory will forever be burned into your mind?

I can't access it at the moment, but it's somewhere on the edge of my mind, like an intrusive thought, ready to make me cringe when I least expect it...

6. What was the busiest day of your life thus far?

One of the 17 octobers, international day for the eradication of poverty. Everyone wants me to give presentations that day.

7. What was the greatest day of your life thus far?

When i lived in Plymouth, just chilling in the park with friends.

8. What was the worst day of your life thus far?

My mom's first murder attempt.

9. What is one thing you're good at that people don't expect?

Surviving.

10. In what way do you differ most from your parents?

I don't drink alcohol.

 

[Butterfly]

Has kink taught you anything about yourself that surprised you?
What kink do you think is super misunderstood?
What would your “kink alignment” be: lawful brat, chaotic dom, neutral switch…?
If kink was a Hogwarts class, what would you be teaching?
What's the hill you're willing to die on in a kink debate?

 

[MessyAshy]

Has kink taught you anything about yourself that surprised you?

This isn't the only reason i like dominant partners, but it's certainly a part of it. There's no ambiguity, no unwritten rules, kinky people just plainly state what they like and what they hate. I love that clarity, that open communication, and it's what makes keeping a job difficult for me. Because so many places just want you to hit the ground running and be autonomous and in control and I can't do that. It makes me overthink, and then I get afraid, and then I shut down.

What kink do you think is super misunderstood?

Hard to say, I'm not other people. I know some classic stereotypes, like ABDL is pedophilia, pain subs are just confused people in abusive relationships... But I've been lucky in keeping ignorant people away from my kinky side. The big one, I think, is that people think kink=sex. It is so much more, and for many it's not even about sex at all!

What would your “kink alignment” be: lawful brat, chaotic dom, neutral switch…?

I would say a lawful bottom. I am very obedient, and I like it when things are done to me.

If kink was a Hogwarts class, what would you be teaching?

That is a weird question. Although I would like to see a creative person make an 18+ movie set in the Potterverse, just to see how kinky magic could get. I mean, the Weasleys had seven children, you know shit got wild.

Maybe conjuration. Teach people to create different thickness of slime and stuff...

What's the hill you're willing to die on in a kink debate?

... I don't know. I tend to agree with kinky people, so there's no debate there. If it's kink versus vanilla i think the fact that we're not mentally ill, kink is not a dysfunction, I'd die on that hill.

In general I don't really debate that often. The way I see it is either the debate is about a fact, which means there is concrete proof, so no reason to debate. Or it's an opinion, and everyone can have their own, so there's no reason to debate. I'll exchange ideas and viewpoints, but I never set out to change someone's mind, only to understand it, and maybe have them understand mine.

 

[Butterfly]

1. What is a quote that speaks to you, and why do you like it?
2. What advice do you wish you'd received earlier?
3. What was the hardest time of your life, and how did you make it through?
4. What is the best compliment you've ever received?
5. What character trait instantly makes you respect someone?
6. What is the best compliment you've ever given someone?
7. What is a fear you've faced and how did you face it?
8. What is an "everyday evil" you experience often? Something banal but deeply unfair.
9. What person you know do you look up to most and why?
10. Has anyone ever saved your life? Have you ever saved someone else’s?

 

[MessyAshy]

1. What is a quote that speaks to you, and why do you like it?

"Let your smile change the world, don't let the world change your smile."

Because our attitude, the energy we project, affects the people around us. I have seen this first hand. I once stepped on a bus with a very grumpy looking driver, and with all the genuine optimism I could muster I wished him a good morning. Not just the generic automated "morning" we say because it's expected of us, I tried to put my heart and soul into it. And it worked, he started to smile! And for the entire bus ride I got to see his smile spread to every other person that got on the bus. It was genuinely beautiful.

It also works with negativity. I know people who just have a bad time wherever they go, no one likes them, everything is against them... And they are not bad people! They just drag this cloud of negativity with them, they already assume wherever they go and whatever they do, the universe is against them. They perceive everything as an insult to them, and they lash out because anger is like a painkiller for emotions. In reality, it's just their own negativity they are simultaneously fighting and feeding.

2. What advice do you wish you'd received earlier?

Sometimes parents are just assholes who had sex. Learn to survive on your own and run the fuck away.

3. What was the hardest time of your life, and how did you make it through?

12-19 years old. Drunk mom, no dad, no help at school, sometimes bullied at school. I had some unhealthy coping mechanisms. Smoked weed for a while. Not the worst but I was at the 'almost failing school because my concentration dropped to absolute 0' level, so that wasn't good. Embracing anger was another one, emotional painkiller. And video games for some escapism. I spent years hidden inside a cocoon of anger and drugs.

4. What is the best compliment you've ever received?

When people are moved by my writing it's always good, that's what i aim for. The greatest compliment was actually silence. There is this person I know, fellow volunteer, nice lady, but she can't for the life of her shut the fuck up. It's like her mind can't store thoughts, it needs to be spoken aloud or it's gone. Doesn't matter if someone else is talking, or if we're in a meeting, or rehearsing for a play... she can't keep quiet and always has little side conversations going on.

Except... when I do a reading of my poetry or biography. She will sit there completely silent and attentive for as long as I speak. And because i know how fucking hard that is for her, it is the greatest compliment she could ever give me.

5. What character trait instantly makes you respect someone?

Curiosity. The willingness to examine things, to try things, to analyze a thought process, to question what they think they know.

6. What is the best compliment you've ever given someone?

Fuuuck... I dunno... 'Nice hair, did you grow it yourself?'

7. What is a fear you've faced and how did you face it?

I used to be afraid of public speaking... And i faced it by giving a graduation speech, and then be in a theater performance.

8. What is an "everyday evil" you experience often? Something banal but deeply unfair.

Advertising. If i send all my local stores a weekly letter asking them to give me their money I'd probably go to jail, yet they can flood my mailbox with flyers, sales, discount coupons, they can paint their logo on walls, roads, they can interrupt tv shows and youtube videos...

JUST LEAVE ME ALONE! Even stalkers have more respect for personal space.

9. What person you know do you look up to most and why?

Keanu Reeves, nice guy, loves his job, gives 110%, is in some good movies.

10. Has anyone ever saved your life? Have you ever saved someone else’s?

Never been in a situation where either was necessary.

 

[Butterfly]

If sex had a theme song every time you started, what would yours be?
Would you rather have sex in a zero-gravity room or underwater (with breathing gear)?
What’s the most random thing that’s killed the mood for you?"
If you could have sex in any fictional universe, where would you pick?
What’s your guilty pleasure that shouldn’t be sexy but kinda is?
Would you rather only be able to sext using medieval English or pirate slang?
If a genie offered to make you the best at one very specific sex skill, which would you choose?
What’s the weirdest safe word you’ve ever heard (or would love to use)?
If you had to incorporate a kitchen appliance into foreplay, which would it be?
What’s the most hilarious noise you’ve ever heard during sex?
Would you rather have sex while skydiving or while riding a roller coaster?
If you could invent a new position and name it after yourself, what would it be called?

 

[MessyAshy]

If sex had a theme song every time you started, what would yours be?

Vana - Beg
One of the best BDSM-themed songs I know.

Would you rather have sex in a zero-gravity room or underwater (with breathing gear)?

Underwater, would be pretty zen.

What’s the most random thing that’s killed the mood for you?

Cat getting playful? Can't be rubbing the dangly bits when the cat is playful or there will be blood.

If you could have sex in any fictional universe, where would you pick?

Star wars, because aliens.

What’s your guilty pleasure that shouldn’t be sexy but kinda is?

Well... by who's standard? Because some vanilla people think none of the stuff i do should be sexy. I guess what I think is my guiltiest pleasure is I quite enjoy smelling a girl's perfume as she walks by me...

Would you rather only be able to sext using medieval English or pirate slang?

I doth declare that ye olde english is way more romantic, so that one.

If a genie offered to make you the best at one very specific sex skill, which would you choose?

Very specific... So I can't just say "being dominant" and then be an awesome switch. Hmmm...
I would ask for being able to perfectly do body writing on myself. Instead of just writing 'slut' I could write a whole sonnet about why I'm a slut.

What’s the weirdest safe word you’ve ever heard (or would love to use)?

Traffic light system works for me, or easter egg if i have to choose one, but weird... I mean, they're generally either the traffic light, or they're weird so you'd never accidentally say it. I've heard eggs benedict, pineapple juice, I guess food is a popular theme. What's the weirdest you have heard?

If you had to incorporate a kitchen appliance into foreplay, which would it be?

An appliance? That's a tough one, they can be a little dangerous. Maybe for a torture/interrogation scene you can use the sound of an electric bread slicer to scare them... Otherwise I don't know. Do they get really horny from the smell of coffee or a fresh loaf of bread?

What’s the most hilarious noise you’ve ever heard during sex?

Never had sex and watch most porn on mute, so 'generic moan' is pretty much the funniest out of all the things i never hear.

Would you rather have sex while skydiving or while riding a roller coaster?

Roller coaster. I want to be strapped to something to feel safe.

If you could invent a new position and name it after yourself, what would it be called?

Is this a trick to get my real name? Naughty Butterfly
The Ash candy.

 

[Butterfly]

If sex had a theme song every time you started, what would yours be?
Would you rather have sex in a zero-gravity room or underwater (with breathing gear)?
What’s the most random thing that’s killed the mood for you?"
If you could have sex in any fictional universe, where would you pick?
What’s your guilty pleasure that shouldn’t be sexy but kinda is?
Would you rather only be able to sext using medieval English or pirate slang?
If a genie offered to make you the best at one very specific sex skill, which would you choose?
What’s the weirdest safe word you’ve ever heard (or would love to use)?
If you had to incorporate a kitchen appliance into foreplay, which would it be?
What’s the most hilarious noise you’ve ever heard during sex?
Would you rather have sex while skydiving or while riding a roller coaster?
If you could invent a new position and name it after yourself, what would it be called?

 

[MessyAshy]

If sex had a theme song every time you started, what would yours be?
Would you rather have sex in a zero-gravity room or underwater (with breathing gear)?
What’s the most random thing that’s killed the mood for you?"
If you could have sex in any fictional universe, where would you pick?
What’s your guilty pleasure that shouldn’t be sexy but kinda is?
Would you rather only be able to sext using medieval English or pirate slang?
If a genie offered to make you the best at one very specific sex skill, which would you choose?
What’s the weirdest safe word you’ve ever heard (or would love to use)?
If you had to incorporate a kitchen appliance into foreplay, which would it be?
What’s the most hilarious noise you’ve ever heard during sex?
Would you rather have sex while skydiving or while riding a roller coaster?
If you could invent a new position and name it after yourself, what would it be called?

you've already asked these

 

[Butterfly]

you've already asked these

Sorry, wrong copy paste. Give me a min

 

[Butterfly]

What’s the weirdest thing you’ve ever said while in a serious kink scene?
If you could make one ridiculous kink law, what would it be? (Example: "Aftercare must legally involve cookies.")
If you could replace a standard kink item (like rope, cuffs, etc.) with something absurd (like pool noodles), what would you swap?
Which would you rather have: vibrating socks or edible harnesses?
You have to explain your favorite kink to a 5-year-old... using only food metaphors. How do you do it?
Which villain would you let top you?
Would you rather: drop your toy bag in front of your boss OR explain your browser history to your mom?
What's your "if I die, delete this" kink-related emergency?

 

[MessyAshy]

What’s the weirdest thing you’ve ever said while in a serious kink scene?

"I'm a pretty little sundae"

If you could make one ridiculous kink law, what would it be? (Example: "Aftercare must legally involve cookies.")

Hmm, a ridiculous law... April 25th, lingerie day, is now compulsory. Everyone must wear lingerie and only lingerie the whole day. And all businesses most stay open as usual.

If you could replace a standard kink item (like rope, cuffs, etc.) with something absurd (like pool noodles), what would you swap?

Replace bit gags with harmonicas.

Which would you rather have: vibrating socks or edible harnesses?

I'll take socks, because I like socks. Also, edible wearables are sexy in theory, but at some point you're just eating candy instead of pussy and that's somewhat missing the point of edible clothes, i feel.

You have to explain your favorite kink to a 5-year-old... using only food metaphors. How do you do it?

So you know how ribs can be a bit bland by themselves, but they get really delicious if you cover them in a sweet sticky glaze? Well, daddy also loves being covered in a sweet sticky glaze.

Which villain would you let top you?

Number 6 from Battlestar Galactica.

Would you rather: drop your toy bag in front of your boss OR explain your browser history to your mom?

Boss, in a way, he paid for them.

What's your "if I die, delete this" kink-related emergency?

Delete the folder labelled "things". Do not open.