Manners Maketh Man

I wanted to write a blog about something that has irked me on a number of kink platforms, Manners.
Now I am hardly royalty, i do not stand on ceremony when addressing me. I do however expect some
minimal levels of respect befitting a conversation between two humans. To cut to the heart of the matter,
I often find myself bothered by Dominants who create their profile as if talking to their submissives.
Things like "When you talk to me you must address me as <title>, you must do this, you may not do that."
And worst of all, the dreaded "You must pay me tribute before talking to me."

It puts me off. It gives the energy that just because I am a sub, That means by default i am their sub.
When I approach someone for a first time, even on a kink platform, I do so as a human being first. Before
a dynamic is established I am not your sub, you are not my Dom, we are equals. Even if we first meet when
I am in sub mode, I am still not necessarily your sub. There are situations, like protocol parties, where a prior
agreement exists that all subs serve all Doms. But in general I see it as a social faux pas to just go around
ordering other people's subs about. They never negotiated with you!

Another aspect of these 'default Doms' as I call them, is that many will not return the effort they demand from
others. Because I have contacted a few of them before, very respectfully. As you can ascertain from this blog
and my other posts here, I am quite eloquent in my writing. I put care into it, I make words flow like gentle rivers
to lead my readers along the path of my thoughts to the lake of my message.

And while I can certainly forgive those who do not have my talent, or those to whom English is a second or even
third language, the responses I have had to decipher from these pompous people have ranged from very lazy
to completely atrocious. Typo's, lack of capitals and punctuation, text speak, I had one response to a very polite
request to explore a potential dynamic that opened with the word "yo"!

It puts me off. I care about words, and seemingly they don't. I would like to hear other people's thoughts on this,
so feel free to comment. And please, do not feel pressured to attempt to rival Shakespeare as i try to. I only ask that
you try your best.

 

[The Brat Princess]

I to am careful wth my words, though mine is more a chaotic bull pit of stock traders than a river, much like my brain. Chos is where I live. With dyslexia on top even with that effort there are issues. That said I have had a run in or two with 'Defualt Doms' (love that name by the way) and they make mine look like hammlet lol. I have to agree. I am more than happy to give out a task in a thread without getting to know the person as long as there are likes-limits there I can work with. But anything more than that, I require meeting on a human level first. That goes for both my submissive and dominant sides. Unless I can build some form of a bond there I am unintreasted. In dom terms there are things I like, but more than any of those I like to know that those thing match up well with the sub side, that they are a benifit to them and not a hinderance. And visversa for my sub side. How can a reasonable negotiation take place unless you somewhat know on some level the direction eachother would like to go.

On the subject of titles, to me they are not something that should be default, unless negotiated that way. A title is very much an hounerific, regardless of if it is the sub to the dom ore the dom to the sub, those tiltles are a mark of the shared bound. And online like this is different but an in person thing, I would expect a sub to go with what feels right to them, If that means that they need to be in sub space before the title gets used and so they call me by my name at the start of play till they get to that spot where it feels right, so be it. It means more at that point anyway. If they however felt more comfortable sticking to the title except in venilla situations again I am fine with that. But outside of situations as you described where it is a pre negotiated agreement that shared use is in place. No one should force titles in my opinion, it deminishes the meaning to meaningless.

 

[Pluky]

I mostly agree with you on the first part, but the not so much on the second part, not everyone wants to talk like a book when they come to a kinky platform/forum/chat (hence they might use abbreviations, intentional language deformations for style, make typos because they are tired after work, etc) and people might express a part of their personality with things like "yo" which just might not be a part of yours

While I like people who write like you do, I prefer some variety and would be incredibly bored if everyone talked like a book As long as it's understandable and respectful, I like that everyone has their own way of expressing themselves. I could write in a similar style to yours on forums and chats if I wanted to (and you might see that if I write a blog post I tend to be more serious like that) but it's just not my vibe for talking to people directly - I wouldn't enjoy it, it would feel restrained and unexpressive (emotion wise, less fun and spontaneous), and I don't think others would enjoy it either.