Aftercare

[Butterfly]

TOPIC: Aftercare

This thread is going to be specifically used to discuss Aftercare.


What is aftercare?

How important is aftercare to you?

What type of aftercare do you need/provide?

What are your experiences like with aftercare?​

 

[MessyAshy]

I have never received aftercare, really. It just doesn't seem to happen in online play, especially the ones where they just ghost halfway through. I would like some aftercare, though! A hug, reflecting on a scene together, getting and giving feedback, connection beyond kink.

That's another reason I love WAM, the aftercare is kind of built in. Even if it's solo, the cleaning up and showering can feel like a rebirth. Even when watching WAM videos I like the ones that include the shower afterward. Watching the stress and humiliation wash away...

 

[Butterfly]

I have never received aftercare, really. It just doesn't seem to happen in online play, especially the ones where they just ghost halfway through. I would like some aftercare, though! A hug, reflecting on a scene together, getting and giving feedback, connection beyond kink.

That's another reason I love WAM, the aftercare is kind of built in. Even if it's solo, the cleaning up and showering can feel like a rebirth. Even when watching WAM videos I like the ones that include the shower afterward. Watching the stress and humiliation wash away...

I think aftercare is so important, even in casual play. Its hard when the person isn't physically there with you and can easily just ghost you during or after, but it is always something that should be negotiated when setting up to play with each other.

 

[picaboo]

I will ramble about after car for a bit. My experience being from a submissive into possibly more painful and intense scenes with partners both in private and group settings.

What is aftercare?

It's quite literally caring for your self and partner after the scene is finished. This could be emotional needs especially since some times during scenes harsh and offensive things are said and even though it's part of the play/scene one person could take it to far or seriously and it's important to discuss things like that and talk about what went well or didn't go well. For some it's simply cuddling with your partner wanting that nice and comforting touch. Also physical aspects of after care is really important like hydration, snackies, and even things like ointments and lotions or bandages.
Main thing about after car is it's all different and it's what ever YOU need to feel good after a scene and finding a dom or sub with similar aftercare wants and needs is just as important as any other part of the relationship I have had to end things with many play partners because our after care needs were so different.

How important is aftercare to you?

It's incredibly important. When I first started kink with some friends I thought it was stupid but when I got into more serious scenes it became incredibly important to me. It's one of the main reasons I cut ties with a dom partner.

What type of aftercare do you need/provide?

What kind do I need?
I need emotional detachment. I don't want hugs I don't want you to be emotionally open with me in any way. I need water, snacks and I want to be looked over for injuries. I want someone who can do that in a way that's respectful to me and not condescending to me.

What do I provide?
I have been with a lot of newer doms and tops so a lot of my aftercare is trying to make sure there ok with the scene. A surprising amount of newer tops (especially the what I believe will be good ones) will some times question them selves and what they did or said. Again part of it for me is more physical with impact and rope tops or other pain play so reassuring them that they didn't take it to far is important a lot of newer tops will start to question them selves an hour or so after the scene and the scars or bruises really show.

What are your experiences like with aftercare?

Over all positive experiences
For me there's a few ways it goes first thing is before a intense scene we talk about after care and see each other needs I normally have a bag with aftercare stuff like a iPod with music( a old iPod with NO CAMERA) head phones, SEALED water bottle, candy/snacks, basic first aid like bandages and burn cream and ointments. For me also I rarely do formal after care with partners I have been with because we know each other and know what eachother is expecting if I'm with a new partner that I met at that event or a munch than I try to be more serious about it making sure there's a formal "end" to the scene so that no more play continues and than we go through and talk about the scene and just make sure we're both still comfortable with each other. If it's in a more group setting I also try to drown out some of the noise from other couples and scenes so that's what the iPod is for.

 

[deschut]

What is aftercare?
To me it's being there and listening to the experience someone had if the person wants to talk about it. Or simply talk about random other things to make sure someone feels comfortable after play. The more intense the play, the more essential this is.
How important is aftercare to you?
I really think it's super important. Bad experiences with this can be very harmful. Not doing this right can leave the dom or sub in an extremely confused state, that can lead to dissapointment, sadness and anger.
What type of aftercare do you need/provide?
I always try and understand what aftercare someone needs. Whether that's a conversation, or maybe even something else like cuddle with pillow, or watch a cartoon. It clearly can be very different. I think it's important to understand the needs - and both directions (Sub and Dom) provide this. As a Dom, I find it very important to understand how someone feels and get feedback - so it also harms me if a sub 'ghosts' afterwards.
What are your experiences like with aftercare?
I've had a lot of good experiences with it! Most people do appreciate the extra care. I've also had some worrying situations, where I wasn't aware what was happening - for me personally that's difficult to deal with, but obviously I can also imagine that some subs actually need a different form of aftercare (where they can't immediately talk about the experience, and need something else for a bit to settle down). In the end what's key: Both be able to continue with day-to-day stuff with a happy and fulfilled feeling!

 

[Pluky]

Sir's toy doesn't think about aftercare too much like a procedure, instead some of these things just come naturally :

- she gets extremely hungry after or even before a session ends and has to have a snack (sometimes she is still naked and has to ask permission to do so if the session really hasn't been closed yet)

- she starts talking with Sir as they both get more casual and light hearted, asking if things felt ok, reassuring each side, again not really a checklist kinda thing but rather whatever naturally comes in the conversation so it will be different from one session to another

- she might get tense muscles or pain in some joints depending on what has been done (she's very prone to these things just a chronic pain kinda person) so she will do self-massages and yoga as needed, that is usually for way later or the next day tho

- not sure if this fits under the the after care label but she loves either sharing pictures of the session or writing reports and feelings about it, it's almost a ritualistic extension of the session, a way to further dwell in the pleasures that it provided

- she needs a shower especially if things got leaky or after lot of (or big sized) body writing, and changing bedsheets in the first situation


That's what comes to Sir's toy's mind for now.