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What drew you to BDSM?

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MessyAshy

MessyAshy

Well-known member
Joined
Apr 11, 2025
Location
Belgium
Gender
Male
Pride
Bisexual Bisexual
For me, BDSM is like a playground for complicated emotions. It is a safe space to experiment with control, fear, embarrassment, lust, etc.
In general society we are almost expected to pretend these feelings don't exist, it is shameful to feel them. BDSM provides a way to experiment
with these things in a safe, consensual way, with a person we can trust. And in doing so, it allows me to be fully human.

What draws you to BDSM and kink?
 
I don't know exactly, but definitely because it's a great community where you can do taboo things and not be judged for it
 
So I get very different things from both my Domme and sub side, but I think what drew me when I first learned about it, was the loss of control. It was sensory play that first drew me in, in a submissive role. I loved the idea of being tied up, attention being given to me, soft gentle touches. I think it also had a lot to do with the loss of control because even at the age of 16, I was expected to be the responsible one. The caregiver. So being able to take that burden away from me was so amazing.

Im sure there is also something to do with trauma in my past.
 
The peace of mind it gives me. The clear goals it set for me and a clear path to achieve them. The connection I feel with someone when all I have to think about is doing what they ask and the pleasure I see in there eyes when I push my self for them. The freedom that just thinking of that single person and that single scene gives me. It all helps quiet my very busy and some times hard to deal with imagination. The task, the sound of the tools and toys the feeling of the pain turning into pleasure. It all helps me and defines what it is to be.
 
I just do the things I do and eventually realized it was kinky. BDSM is a huge part of that, mostly because of the B and SM. Discipline was a phase that I grew out of.
As long as I can remember I had been drawn towards bondage. Everything else I can track down to one single event: I taught myself to meditate to spite someone. At least that is what it felt like back then. Little did I know what journey I was embarking on. I discovered so many different states of mind, sensations, and ways to experience them. First one was pain. I realized I could simply channel it, or rather discover what it is comprised of and enjoy it a lot. I used to joke a lot back then saying things like "Oh yeah, pain is just another form of pleasure", not fully realizing how spot-on that comment was. The more I learned what my mind was capable of, the more kinks I discovered or developed.
This has been a much more messy process than I let on here, not always fully aware of what I was learning and discovering.
Meeting other people, playing with them and ultimately discovering the kinky community came way later.
 
The variety mainly! Before I discovered this world I had no idea there were so many ways to be kinky! Its fun, its exciting, there's so much to explore and the possibilities seem endless.
 
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