Update - a little disappointed

Well, the business trip was supposed to take place this weekend, and yes, it's probably not surprising that it didn't happen, but I kind of knew that already.

After we met on Tuesday, he wasn't online anymore. This afternoon, he wrote to me that he had been abroad, and I haven't heard from him since.

On the one hand, I'm disappointed, of course, and on the other hand, I got sick on Friday and wouldn't have been able to go anyway, so basically it's fine...

I keep rereading our chat history, and some of the things he wrote to me in the past (especially at the beginning) just don't really fit. For example, he was open to a “relationship,” open to doing things together privately, open to getting to know each other.

On the other hand, how realistic is it in general, since he works a lot and lives about an hour's drive away?

He recently wrote to me that he would like to see my apartment, that he is interested in how I live, but I find it really difficult to give him access to this area of my life without real commitment and trust.

But apart from that, I have a very important exam on Tuesday. I took Friday and Monday off to study and was then out of action on Friday and Saturday due to illness... which means I studied a little today and will do so again tomorrow. But I'm optimistic.

In February, I'll have a clearer head again, and in March, the process for university admission will begin again.

On a personal note, I would appreciate feedback on my posts, as I feel that no one (or very few) is interested in them. If you don't want to write publicly, you are welcome to send me a private message to let me know whether you find my content and experiences interesting. Thank you very much.

 

[Babygirlblackout]

I think you’re right to not give immediate access to personal things such as your apartment. I think it’s a bit sus to not be online at all after meeting… you don’t even have a minute to text and say you’re going to be offline? Kind of rude imo.

 

[Maybesub63]

I general: Don't give away private information in online chat. You really don't know who you chat with.
Then I think many of us experience something similar to you from online relationships.
It takes time to build thrust. And here he broke it.
Keep calm and carry on - to the next.

 

[Butterfly]

I hope you are feeling better.
I read all of your posts but don't usually have much to contribute so I don't comment.

 

[Jolly*FtM]

I think you’re right to not give immediate access to personal things such as your apartment. I think it’s a bit sus to not be online at all after meeting… you don’t even have a minute to text and say you’re going to be offline? Kind of rude imo.

Thank you for your comment. He often does this after we've met, but usually not for such a long period of time, usually 1-2 days. He used to do this when we agreed to meet, and it was only when I complained that he started letting me know in advance that he wouldn't be there.

I general: Don't give away private information in online chat. You really don't know who you chat with.
Then I think many of us experience something similar to you from online relationships.
It takes time to build thrust. And here he broke it.
Keep calm and carry on - to the next.

Thank you for your comment, but it is not an online relationship. I met him in rl already 6 times.

I hope you are feeling better.
I read all of your posts but don't usually have much to contribute so I don't comment.

Thank you for your answer. Yes, I know you read my blog because you mentioned it recently. Thank you very much for that.

 

[SilkAndSour]

Not sure if this is the right way for you, but maybe take a step back and think how you want to go further from here and what would be the next step that you would like to take in this relationship. No matter if online or offline.

Do you feel comfortable while doing something with him but also when not? And also what you do for him is this how you want it to continue?

I think that you can give yourself the best kind of advice. Depending on the feeling you have this whole time. As always, proper communication is the key, but it also needs to come from both sides.

Also, i like reading your blogs and stories. Just feel like sometimes, if id post something in between that it could ruin the moment for others so i mostly just lurk. Continue doing what you love and give yourself some affirmation in what you’re doing

 

[Jolly*FtM]

Not sure if this is the right way for you, but maybe take a step back and think how you want to go further from here and what would be the next step that you would like to take in this relationship. No matter if online or offline.

Do you feel comfortable while doing something with him but also when not? And also what you do for him is this how you want it to continue?

I think that you can give yourself the best kind of advice. Depending on the feeling you have this whole time. As always, proper communication is the key, but it also needs to come from both sides.

Also, i like reading your blogs and stories. Just feel like sometimes, if id post something in between that it could ruin the moment for others so i mostly just lurk. Continue doing what you love and give yourself some affirmation in what you’re doing

Thank you very much for your comment. Yes, I'm currently sorting things out for myself and deciding how I want to proceed. I'm a little annoyed that I gave him the money.

I also talked to my therapist about it, even though he doesn't know what kind of relationship it is. My therapist doesn't know that I'm into BDSM and practice it, but I explained to him that I can now gain experience. Good and bad, and that helps me for my next (real) relationship.

I realize that communication is important, but as you say, it has to come from both sides, and that's really difficult with him, but I'll take the next opportunity to talk to him and then see what happens.

In general, I enjoy spending time with him; above all, I learn so much about myself. And I like him, or rather the image I have of him—I don't really know him at all, because I'm always wearing a mask when we meet, so I'm not even sure I would recognize him on the street.

 

[SilkAndSour]

I know its harsh, but let that money be kind of a memory for you, as a future reference. If you can, take a dollar/euro/whichever bill and frame it somewhere only where you can see it. Dont let the rest guide you in how your life will be or neither a stone that you will carry with yourself. It happened, and thats that.

The mask might be the next step. Take it off. Not just for him but for yourself. I think that you deserve more than to be just someone elses mask or a doll.

Just because we like feeling like a toy, its not something that should permanently define us. Rather guide us.

As already mentioned, you know who you are. You know your worth. You know what you need and want. So take it.

If its not him, then at least you know.

 

[Jolly*FtM]

I know its harsh, but let that money be kind of a memory for you, as a future reference. If you can, take a dollar/euro/whichever bill and frame it somewhere only where you can see it. Dont let the rest guide you in how your life will be or neither a stone that you will carry with yourself. It happened, and thats that.

The mask might be the next step. Take it off. Not just for him but for yourself. I think that you deserve more than to be just someone elses mask or a doll.

Just because we like feeling like a toy, its not something that should permanently define us. Rather guide us.

As already mentioned, you know who you are. You know your worth. You know what you need and want. So take it.

If its not him, then at least you know.

Yes, as I said, I have an exam coming up anyway, and I don't know when he'll get back to me... so I'm busy at the moment anyway.

Yes, regarding the money, if in doubt, I'll just leave it, it wasn't a huge amount of money I gave him anyway.

For now, I'll see how things develop, and if I feel it's right, I'll set my boundaries.

Thank you very much!

 

[Mermaid]

First and foremost... Trust your gut. ♥
If you had a friend you cared deeply about in this spot, what would you tell them? And realise you deserve to give yourself that kind of love and support, too. This guy sounds like a piece of work. Dolls, toys, subs, etc. still deserve basic respect and courtesty. Ghosting is not just rude being emotionally irresponsible with others' feelings.

 

[Jolly*FtM]

First and foremost... Trust your gut. ♥
If you had a friend you cared deeply about in this spot, what would you tell them? And realise you deserve to give yourself that kind of love and support, too. This guy sounds like a piece of work. Dolls, toys, subs, etc. still deserve basic respect and courtesty. Ghosting is not just rude being emotionally irresponsible with others' feelings.

Thank you.

I said the same thing to my therapist. If I had a friend in my position, I would advise them to give him the boot. But as I said, I'm going to observe the situation for a while longer, see how it develops, and then react accordingly.

Since I'm not doing badly overall, I'm just confused and irritated by his behavior because I can't make sense of it, and unfortunately he doesn't communicate or take a stand either.

 

[Mermaid]

It's a frustrating situation, it would be for anyone.
Hopefully he comes through soon with something totally silly!
If he does, please update so we can all be relieved and have a little giggle maybe. ^^

 

[Jolly*FtM]

So I wrote to him yesterday after not hearing from him since Sunday. I asked him if everything was okay. He replied early in the morning today, “Yes, really stressful.”

I had an exam today, which I passed, and when I got home in the late afternoon, I wanted to relax. Since I hadn't had an orgasm in a long time, I thought it was about time, so I checked and saw that he was online again, so I asked him for permission, which I got relatively quickly.

A little later, after I had my orgasm, he wrote to me that I had to sell my holes again tomorrow and the day after tomorrow, place an ad, and offer myself in the group.

So we're back on the road to normality. I've experienced these stressful phases with him a few times before, where he's hardly there, or even when he's abroad, not online at all.

After my orgasm, I'm not so keen on doing that tomorrow. Let's see if I can get away with it again if he's still busy...

 

[Jolly*FtM]

He wasn't too busy to forget about it. Yesterday he asked about it because I hadn't placed an ad or posted in the group. I told him I was busy, which wasn't entirely a lie. I was also out and about. Then in the evening I told him I was at home and asked if it was okay if I wasn't available today. He just replied with “punishment.”

Today he asked me directly where my ad was. I asked if I could make it up another day. He replied, “Sure, anything else you want?”

To avoid further punishment, I posted an ad and posted it in the group, but the only one who responded chickened out, so I was lucky again today. Let's see if I still get punished for today.