My biggest kink is control. As a sub, the thought of losing control is freaking hot! Bondage is a great way to take control. The feeling of being helpless - not able to move, move closer to the pleasure or away from the pain. Being blindfolded so you can't see what is coming, focusing on the sensations you are experiencing. Gags add just another layer to that. You are taking away my voice. My ability to talk, object, express myself. You are muting me. And the thought of which makes my clit tingle!
However, for a long long time, gags were firmly planted in my hard limits. However, when I met @ObsidanDusk we moved gags into my soft limits.
There are multiple reasons why I have them listed in my limits, reasons that I have thought over and over about. They scare, rather, terrify me! I am hoping that by understanding the reasons they terrify me, I (and my partners) might have a better chance of conquering my fear.
Claustrophobia
I am claustrophobic. This doesn't just include being stuck in small spaces. Just the thought of having anything around my neck or over my face makes me feel panicked. It makes it hard to breathe. Logically I know that having something in my mouth isn't going to stop me from breathing, especially if I use a breathable gag, or open mouth gag. But logic doesn't stop my body from reacting to the fear.
Most gags are designed to "lock" on in some way. I think the strap and buckle is most scary because it is not easily removed. I imagine it getting stuck on me and not being able to remove it quickly. It is about that feeling of being trapped.
Possible solutions/steps:
Humiliation
Humiliation is something that I have struggled with throughout my life. It has been a limit because I suffered childhood abuse that has damaged my self confidence and given me some confidence issues. I struggle with feeling pretty, sexy or wanted.
When you use a gag, it distorts your face and makes you look funny. It also makes you sound funny since you can't move your mouth properly.
Possible solutions/steps:
Messy
One of the biggest side effects from using gags is the drool. Slimey, gooey drool dripping down my mouth, chest, etc. ICK! I hate being messy. I am a princess. Princess' don't get messy. Bodily fluids are a whole other level. Just ick!!!
Possible solutions/steps:
... But it's so freaking hot!!!!
Gags terrify me for all of the above reasons but for those same reasons, the thought of using a gag turns me on SO FREAKING MUCH!
Being put in situations that make me uncomfortable, squirmy or scared is hot. Especially when I am enduring because it is something that my Dom wants. It all comes back to the control of the matter. It is the reason I am so interested in fear play.
But because of my fear, I really need somebody who is capable of pushing me despite my fear.
I had a traumatic experience with the first partner I thought I could trust:
We had a play session (including aftercare) and I was all ready to leave and drive home. He chose that moment to take the gag that he requested that I carry around and he forced it in my mouth. He held the straps tightly behind my head and held it tightly in my mouth until I stopped kicking and screaming, tears coming down my face. I may not be a small woman, but I am only 5'2 (and a half) and this man was 6'7 and close to 400 lbs. Resisting was futile. When I had gone limp he released me, put the gag in my pocket and then led me to the hall and said goodbye. I cried in my car before I had to drive 50 minutes home alone.
All that being said, gags are hard for me! Yet, I just never lost the drive to explore them.
So far, the one person who has been able to walk this journey safely with me, has been @ObsidanDusk. Over the past year or so, we have made some big strides when it comes to experimenting with gags.
When I met him two years ago, I told him that gags were a BIG thing on my list to explore. We talked about it a lot and then he slowly started to use some of the tactics that I have written about to help me explore. We did a lot of work with the idea/theme of gags while I was being teased/pleasured before we even touched a real gag. He also started me with just holding my tongue out on my own accord and then we transitioned to using a clothespin on my tongue, causing drool, and making me speak with it on.
As we got closer to using a gag, he had me hold it during play time, or keep it in my sight/reach while I was just doing things around the house. There were so many steps to help me get comfortable with the idea of using a gag. Still, the first time he had me put a gag in my mouth, I panicked. My breathing sped up, my heart was beating out of my chest and I think I lasted 5 seconds. He was so patient with me. He allowed me to take it out, calm down, and then we tried again. His words were so reassuring and calming. It was a slow process.
Using one together in person was even harder! Knowing he was there to see me was terrifying. But his presence beside me, the aftercare, it was all so amazing.
Two years later, I can proudly say that we have tried 4 different gags together. I no longer panic when I am told to put it in my mouth (though I do still pout and say "I don't want to"), and I have kept a gag in for over 10 minutes. I have spoken a lot with a clothespin on my tongue, and have learned that swallowing is not allowed. I have sat in my own drool many times (and didn't die!).
This is still an ongoing and very slow journey (further derailed by the fact that over the last 6 months I have had orthodontic wires in my mouth and therefore unable to use gags at all), but a journey that I amdreading excited to resume soon.
However, for a long long time, gags were firmly planted in my hard limits. However, when I met @ObsidanDusk we moved gags into my soft limits.
There are multiple reasons why I have them listed in my limits, reasons that I have thought over and over about. They scare, rather, terrify me! I am hoping that by understanding the reasons they terrify me, I (and my partners) might have a better chance of conquering my fear.
Claustrophobia
I am claustrophobic. This doesn't just include being stuck in small spaces. Just the thought of having anything around my neck or over my face makes me feel panicked. It makes it hard to breathe. Logically I know that having something in my mouth isn't going to stop me from breathing, especially if I use a breathable gag, or open mouth gag. But logic doesn't stop my body from reacting to the fear.
Most gags are designed to "lock" on in some way. I think the strap and buckle is most scary because it is not easily removed. I imagine it getting stuck on me and not being able to remove it quickly. It is about that feeling of being trapped.
Possible solutions/steps:
- Use an item like a dental retractor that doesn't require straps
- Use open mouth gags or breathable ball gags
- Use gags that don't have straps
- Convert the standard buckle strap into a simple tie/ribbon system
Humiliation
Humiliation is something that I have struggled with throughout my life. It has been a limit because I suffered childhood abuse that has damaged my self confidence and given me some confidence issues. I struggle with feeling pretty, sexy or wanted.
When you use a gag, it distorts your face and makes you look funny. It also makes you sound funny since you can't move your mouth properly.
Possible solutions/steps:
- Use something like a peg on my tongue to ease into it
- Use gags that don't have straps
- Use something that acts like a gag but doesn't "feel" like a gag (ie: a marker or a paci
- Use something privately where nobody can hear or see me
- Take a photo of myself with a gag in without having to show anybody
Messy
One of the biggest side effects from using gags is the drool. Slimey, gooey drool dripping down my mouth, chest, etc. ICK! I hate being messy. I am a princess. Princess' don't get messy. Bodily fluids are a whole other level. Just ick!!!
Possible solutions/steps:
- Use a gag made from an absorbent material (ie: panties, sock, material of some kind)
- Use gags for short periods of time so that drool doesn't have a chance to make a mess
- Be allowed to use a towel, or my hand to wipe my mouth
- Be allowed to be in a position that doesn't encourage drool (ie: laying on my back
... But it's so freaking hot!!!!
Gags terrify me for all of the above reasons but for those same reasons, the thought of using a gag turns me on SO FREAKING MUCH!
Being put in situations that make me uncomfortable, squirmy or scared is hot. Especially when I am enduring because it is something that my Dom wants. It all comes back to the control of the matter. It is the reason I am so interested in fear play.
But because of my fear, I really need somebody who is capable of pushing me despite my fear.
I had a traumatic experience with the first partner I thought I could trust:
We had a play session (including aftercare) and I was all ready to leave and drive home. He chose that moment to take the gag that he requested that I carry around and he forced it in my mouth. He held the straps tightly behind my head and held it tightly in my mouth until I stopped kicking and screaming, tears coming down my face. I may not be a small woman, but I am only 5'2 (and a half) and this man was 6'7 and close to 400 lbs. Resisting was futile. When I had gone limp he released me, put the gag in my pocket and then led me to the hall and said goodbye. I cried in my car before I had to drive 50 minutes home alone.
All that being said, gags are hard for me! Yet, I just never lost the drive to explore them.
So far, the one person who has been able to walk this journey safely with me, has been @ObsidanDusk. Over the past year or so, we have made some big strides when it comes to experimenting with gags.
When I met him two years ago, I told him that gags were a BIG thing on my list to explore. We talked about it a lot and then he slowly started to use some of the tactics that I have written about to help me explore. We did a lot of work with the idea/theme of gags while I was being teased/pleasured before we even touched a real gag. He also started me with just holding my tongue out on my own accord and then we transitioned to using a clothespin on my tongue, causing drool, and making me speak with it on.
As we got closer to using a gag, he had me hold it during play time, or keep it in my sight/reach while I was just doing things around the house. There were so many steps to help me get comfortable with the idea of using a gag. Still, the first time he had me put a gag in my mouth, I panicked. My breathing sped up, my heart was beating out of my chest and I think I lasted 5 seconds. He was so patient with me. He allowed me to take it out, calm down, and then we tried again. His words were so reassuring and calming. It was a slow process.
Using one together in person was even harder! Knowing he was there to see me was terrifying. But his presence beside me, the aftercare, it was all so amazing.
Two years later, I can proudly say that we have tried 4 different gags together. I no longer panic when I am told to put it in my mouth (though I do still pout and say "I don't want to"), and I have kept a gag in for over 10 minutes. I have spoken a lot with a clothespin on my tongue, and have learned that swallowing is not allowed. I have sat in my own drool many times (and didn't die!).
This is still an ongoing and very slow journey (further derailed by the fact that over the last 6 months I have had orthodontic wires in my mouth and therefore unable to use gags at all), but a journey that I am
.
