Through the process of trying to find a Dom, as well as working through some things in counselling, I have been learning a lot about myself. Every time we learn something new about ourselves, I think it is beneficial and only allows us to implement actions that make us feel happier.
Knowledge is power!
I recently took the 5 Love Languages test. For those that have never heard of this before, the love languages help to describe the way we feel loved and appreciated by others. By knowing what our love languages are, we can communicate our needs better to our partners, and/or find a partner who is more compatible to our love language. If you would like to take the quiz and find our your love language, here is a link to a PDF version.
1. Words of Affirmation
If this is your love language, it means that you feel the most valued when your partner uses loving words that build you up. Compliments or hearing the words "I love you" or "I am proud of you" can go a really long way.
In a D/s relationship this can be accomplished by telling your partner that they turn you on, giving them compliments, or that they did a great job with their task or play session.
However, another to note is that, if this is your love language, negative words can cause more damage and might take longer to heal.
2. Acts of Service
If this is your love language, it means that you feel the most valued when your partner does things that they know you will like. Doing something like laundry, cooking dinner, or running an errand. Something that requires thought, time and effort. Usually an act of service is helpful and is something that might be done to relieve the duties or obligations placed on the individual.
It is important that this action is done with a positive attitude rather than out of obligation or with negativity. Also, laziness or making more work for your partner can be especially harmful.
In a D/s relationship this could present itself as changing a deadline for a task, being lenient and understanding about real life obligations, or even offering to help with something as simple as researching a new kink.
3. Receiving Gifts
If this is your love language, it means that receiving small, thoughtful gifts make you feel valued. This doesn't mean you are materialistic. The gifts can be as simple as picking up your favorite drink or candy after a long day, or buying them a small token that reminds your partner of you. They don't have to be elaborate, but they do have to be thoughtful. Grand gestures are great, but even better are the small, everyday gestures that show you are being thought about.
For a person with this love language, forgetting a birthday, or special occasion can be very hurtful. Empty, meaningless gifts are almost worse than no gifts at all.
In a D/s relationship this love language can be satisfied by taking a photo you know your partner will enjoy, writing a blog about your partner, giving them a task that you know is focused on their loves or it could actually mean giving them a small gift.
4. Quality Time
If this is your love language, it means that undivided person attention means the most to you. This means putting away distractions: phone, tablet, TV, books, music or other people, and putting the focus on spending time together. Watching TV or a movie together doesn't count. For this to be satisfied, you must be giving each other undivided attention, whether this is through just talking to each other, or doing an activity together.
Constant interruptions or distractions when with your partner can be especially hurtful. As can canceling or postponing plans.
In a D/s relationship with a person with this love language, it is important to schedule times where you can chat live, distraction free. Make certain that when making plans, you set the time aside and keep canceling to a minimum.
5. Physical Touch
If this is your love language, physical connection is very important. Holding hands, a caress on the back, massages, kissing, hugs or sexual intimacy are all ways that you can show that your partner is loved, valued, safe, cared for, etc. All the words and gifts in the world can't replace the act of a touch.
Abuse or neglect can be unforgivable.
In a D/s relationship touch can be especially important. However, this can be difficult if your relationship is based online. A person with this love language may find it difficult for long distance relationships. Trying to emote a touch can be helpful (ie. "Touches your cheek"). In an in person relationship, physical affection, or even simple touches during a session can mean so much.
My strongest love language is Words of Affirmation. This means that I thrive and feel most valued when I hear how loved and valued I am.
In my relationships, this means that being told that I look pretty, having him tell me that he is proud of me or thanking me for doing something for him all mean a lot to me. In order to feel loved, I have to be told that I am loved and the why is important too. Hearing I am loved is great, but what means more is the specific things that he loves about me.
I need affirmation that I am wanted, needed and loved. This can be done in writing through a text message or blog, a compliment on a photo or piece of writing that I have posted or it can be spoken out loud directly to me.
In a D/s partnership those things are even more important to me. I am especially vulnerable when submitting and need to hear that I am doing a good job, that I am turning my partner on, that I look good or smell good. I need to hear that I am sexy or cute, and I have to believe that they are true, and not just empty thoughts. Being told that I am a good girl, or that I have made my Dom proud are two of the most powerful things that I can hear.
My second strongest love language is Receiving Gifts. This one truly surprised me. I have a really hard time accepting gifts from people, but I think it makes sense. Having a physical act or token that proves that somebody thought of me makes me feel really good. Not a lot of people in my life have done this for me. Maybe that is why I fight it so much, because I don't want to expect it.
I remember being very hurt on special occasions because somebody has given me something that had literally no thought behind it. I would much rather receive a $1 or home made item that is heartfelt and meaningful, rathe than something that costs $1000 that means nothing.
In my marriage with Mr. Devious, it means so much to me when he brings me flowers home for no reason. When he goes to the store and sees something new he thinks I would like to try, I feel thought about. When he plans a small surprise for me, it makes my heart jump. And for those special occasions? Choosing something that relates to our relationship, a private joke, or a personal interest of mine rather than something practical is the way to go.
In a D/s relationship, something as simple as a gif on my visitor wall or a recording of a bed time story is amazing. Or even sending a photo of something that makes you think of me. When trust is built, if gifts want to be purchased, small items are more meaningful than big empty gestures. And taking the extra step to find out how to make it more personal is amazing (ie. if you want to buy me a toy that I want, that is great but finding out that my favorite color is pink and choosing that color is even more lovely).
Knowing your love language can be very helpful for successful relationship or even just self care/love. If you want to read more, I have posted my sources below.
Sources:
https://cratedwithlove.com/blog/five...hat-they-mean/
https://findingmyinnersubmissive.wor...ervice-for-me/
https://www.focusonthefamily.com/mar...love-languages
Knowledge is power!
I recently took the 5 Love Languages test. For those that have never heard of this before, the love languages help to describe the way we feel loved and appreciated by others. By knowing what our love languages are, we can communicate our needs better to our partners, and/or find a partner who is more compatible to our love language. If you would like to take the quiz and find our your love language, here is a link to a PDF version.
So what are the 5 Love Languages?
1. Words of Affirmation
If this is your love language, it means that you feel the most valued when your partner uses loving words that build you up. Compliments or hearing the words "I love you" or "I am proud of you" can go a really long way.
In a D/s relationship this can be accomplished by telling your partner that they turn you on, giving them compliments, or that they did a great job with their task or play session.
However, another to note is that, if this is your love language, negative words can cause more damage and might take longer to heal.
2. Acts of Service
If this is your love language, it means that you feel the most valued when your partner does things that they know you will like. Doing something like laundry, cooking dinner, or running an errand. Something that requires thought, time and effort. Usually an act of service is helpful and is something that might be done to relieve the duties or obligations placed on the individual.
It is important that this action is done with a positive attitude rather than out of obligation or with negativity. Also, laziness or making more work for your partner can be especially harmful.
In a D/s relationship this could present itself as changing a deadline for a task, being lenient and understanding about real life obligations, or even offering to help with something as simple as researching a new kink.
3. Receiving Gifts
If this is your love language, it means that receiving small, thoughtful gifts make you feel valued. This doesn't mean you are materialistic. The gifts can be as simple as picking up your favorite drink or candy after a long day, or buying them a small token that reminds your partner of you. They don't have to be elaborate, but they do have to be thoughtful. Grand gestures are great, but even better are the small, everyday gestures that show you are being thought about.
For a person with this love language, forgetting a birthday, or special occasion can be very hurtful. Empty, meaningless gifts are almost worse than no gifts at all.
In a D/s relationship this love language can be satisfied by taking a photo you know your partner will enjoy, writing a blog about your partner, giving them a task that you know is focused on their loves or it could actually mean giving them a small gift.
4. Quality Time
If this is your love language, it means that undivided person attention means the most to you. This means putting away distractions: phone, tablet, TV, books, music or other people, and putting the focus on spending time together. Watching TV or a movie together doesn't count. For this to be satisfied, you must be giving each other undivided attention, whether this is through just talking to each other, or doing an activity together.
Constant interruptions or distractions when with your partner can be especially hurtful. As can canceling or postponing plans.
In a D/s relationship with a person with this love language, it is important to schedule times where you can chat live, distraction free. Make certain that when making plans, you set the time aside and keep canceling to a minimum.
5. Physical Touch
If this is your love language, physical connection is very important. Holding hands, a caress on the back, massages, kissing, hugs or sexual intimacy are all ways that you can show that your partner is loved, valued, safe, cared for, etc. All the words and gifts in the world can't replace the act of a touch.
Abuse or neglect can be unforgivable.
In a D/s relationship touch can be especially important. However, this can be difficult if your relationship is based online. A person with this love language may find it difficult for long distance relationships. Trying to emote a touch can be helpful (ie. "Touches your cheek"). In an in person relationship, physical affection, or even simple touches during a session can mean so much.
My Love Languages
My strongest love language is Words of Affirmation. This means that I thrive and feel most valued when I hear how loved and valued I am.
In my relationships, this means that being told that I look pretty, having him tell me that he is proud of me or thanking me for doing something for him all mean a lot to me. In order to feel loved, I have to be told that I am loved and the why is important too. Hearing I am loved is great, but what means more is the specific things that he loves about me.
I need affirmation that I am wanted, needed and loved. This can be done in writing through a text message or blog, a compliment on a photo or piece of writing that I have posted or it can be spoken out loud directly to me.
In a D/s partnership those things are even more important to me. I am especially vulnerable when submitting and need to hear that I am doing a good job, that I am turning my partner on, that I look good or smell good. I need to hear that I am sexy or cute, and I have to believe that they are true, and not just empty thoughts. Being told that I am a good girl, or that I have made my Dom proud are two of the most powerful things that I can hear.
My second strongest love language is Receiving Gifts. This one truly surprised me. I have a really hard time accepting gifts from people, but I think it makes sense. Having a physical act or token that proves that somebody thought of me makes me feel really good. Not a lot of people in my life have done this for me. Maybe that is why I fight it so much, because I don't want to expect it.
I remember being very hurt on special occasions because somebody has given me something that had literally no thought behind it. I would much rather receive a $1 or home made item that is heartfelt and meaningful, rathe than something that costs $1000 that means nothing.
In my marriage with Mr. Devious, it means so much to me when he brings me flowers home for no reason. When he goes to the store and sees something new he thinks I would like to try, I feel thought about. When he plans a small surprise for me, it makes my heart jump. And for those special occasions? Choosing something that relates to our relationship, a private joke, or a personal interest of mine rather than something practical is the way to go.
In a D/s relationship, something as simple as a gif on my visitor wall or a recording of a bed time story is amazing. Or even sending a photo of something that makes you think of me. When trust is built, if gifts want to be purchased, small items are more meaningful than big empty gestures. And taking the extra step to find out how to make it more personal is amazing (ie. if you want to buy me a toy that I want, that is great but finding out that my favorite color is pink and choosing that color is even more lovely).
Knowing your love language can be very helpful for successful relationship or even just self care/love. If you want to read more, I have posted my sources below.
Sources:
https://cratedwithlove.com/blog/five...hat-they-mean/
https://findingmyinnersubmissive.wor...ervice-for-me/
https://www.focusonthefamily.com/mar...love-languages
