Submission style

thanks for all the comments.. I wasn’t really wanting any but thanks for the feedback

 

[Lochy]

I'm one of those people that likes a willful or sub that doesn't just say "yes sir". Over time my views on what makes a sub so agreeable/pliant has evolved. I think it's far more about general attitude and how that person interacts with you than if they just agree. As long as the personality isn't being replaced by the dominants then I feel it's fine. Personality and how you both interact is far more important than someone who fights back a little.

Just my thoughts on it, so don't feel discouraged by differing views on it

 

[Buttaholic]

@Babygirlblackout that was lovely to read, truly!

I really think I can relate to what you said, at least for most of it. I find being absolutely selfless and only focusing on dominant’s pleasure is my cup of tea; maybe it is because I really am a people pleaser IRL, I will go out my way just to do something for someone (within suitable time of course, I still do prioritize my life) so maybe sub-me is a mere reflection? I am not sure if this can be applied to every aspect but that’s how I usually see it.

 

[SilkAndSour]

Maybe partially because I don't understand it myself?
I like to try and learn more about myself through others. Talking to someone I can relate to really helps me figure my own stuff out.

I don't want to be boring and after seeing this so often it's become a worry of mine. I can't help but wonder how a Dom feels after playing with me. Maybe they're comparing me to someone else just like I am. Maybe they're not and they actually like my style of submission. Who knows.

I want to please, pleasing turns me on. Dominance turns me on. I want to turn them on and see how they react to my submission. I want to know I'm doing a good job and making their life easier and more enjoyable in that moment. I want to relieve their stress and make them feel as good as I do. When they give me a task my natural reaction is to obey without any other thought. If I trust them then my natural instinct is to obey without question.


Why am I like this? I wish I knew.

Although i loved everything you wrote, these parts have hit on another mental Level for me. But not just as a sub.. also as a Switch.

I only started 6 months ago to "dip my feet" in the kinky world and everything felt so new, too much at once and yet not enough. Where do people even start and is it normal even?

I didnt understand it then but i also dont understand everything now. The way i am as a sub and as a Switch/Domme. I want to please both, make them feel good, or even better about themselves yet often feel misunderstood and as if i would be too much. Even for myself.

Who says that you wont be one day just told "im sorry i found someone more fun..". But this can also happen in real life. So although im an overthinker i try to tell myself just not to think too much and just do. Although i often make mistakes.. again, from both sides.

We are also comparing ourselves to others even more than others do it. But in the end it should only count what we want to do and how it makes us feel.

 

[Babygirlblackout]

I'm one of those people that likes a willful or sub that doesn't just say "yes sir". Over time my views on what makes a sub so agreeable/pliant has evolved. I think it's far more about general attitude and how that person interacts with you than if they just agree. As long as the personality isn't being replaced by the dominants then I feel it's fine. Personality and how you both interact is far more important than someone who fights back a little.

Just my thoughts on it, so don't feel discouraged by differing views on it

This doesn’t really reassure me but thanks

 

[Babygirlblackout]

@Babygirlblackout that was lovely to read, truly!

I really think I can relate to what you said, at least for most of it. I find being absolutely selfless and only focusing on dominant’s pleasure is my cup of tea; maybe it is because I really am a people pleaser IRL, I will go out my way just to do something for someone (within suitable time of course, I still do prioritize my life) so maybe sub-me is a mere reflection? I am not sure if this can be applied to every aspect but that’s how I usually see it.

Yes! I get what you mean. I am the same way irl!

 

[Babygirlblackout]

Although i loved everything you wrote, these parts have hit on another mental Level for me. But not just as a sub.. also as a Switch.

I only started 6 months ago to "dip my feet" in the kinky world and everything felt so new, too much at once and yet not enough. Where do people even start and is it normal even?

I didnt understand it then but i also dont understand everything now. The way i am as a sub and as a Switch/Domme. I want to please both, make them feel good, or even better about themselves yet often feel misunderstood and as if i would be too much. Even for myself.

Who says that you wont be one day just told "im sorry i found someone more fun..". But this can also happen in real life. So although im an overthinker i try to tell myself just not to think too much and just do. Although i often make mistakes.. again, from both sides.

We are also comparing ourselves to others even more than others do it. But in the end it should only count what we want to do and how it makes us feel.

I’m glad some of what I said spoke to you! It’s hard feeling like you’re too much, and comparing ourselves. It’s ok to make mistakes. As long as it’s all making you happy, that’s all that matters

 

[Watcher32]

It’s a case by case basis. There is no “correct” way to Submit or dom. LOTS of wrong ways. But no singular correct way.

I’ve never had anything like a long term sub or dom. But when dealing with casual or experimenting with exes. Different things turn on different people. You can’t always predict what they will be. One ex loved when I would just grab her and drag her back to the bedroom. Another insisting on teasing me the ENTIRETY of a movie before allowing anything would happen. Some men and women very much get off on someone completely submitting. Others on “forcing” someone to submit.

I’d say the key instead of being self conscious.
1. Work to participate. It’s not just happening to you. (Not meaning to imply you don’t. Just a good thing to be conscious about. Like writing a good report to someone who gives you a good task on here.
2. Have a conversation about what turns them on. Don’t just offer resistance because you think you should. If they like resistance and defiance maybe do something outside standard “playtime” to trigger it. They say to be home for dinner by 6. Be home at precisely 6:15. Gives them something to “punish”. You can go into subspace in full knowing that you are fully submitting in contrition for your disrespect.

 

[Babygirlblackout]

It’s a case by case basis. There is no “correct” way to Submit or dom. LOTS of wrong ways. But no singular correct way.

I’ve never had anything like a long term sub or dom. But when dealing with casual or experimenting with exes. Different things turn on different people. You can’t always predict what they will be. One ex loved when I would just grab her and drag her back to the bedroom. Another insisting on teasing me the ENTIRETY of a movie before allowing anything would happen. Some men and women very much get off on someone completely submitting. Others on “forcing” someone to submit.

I’d say the key instead of being self conscious.
1. Work to participate. It’s not just happening to you. (Not meaning to imply you don’t. Just a good thing to be conscious about. Like writing a good report to someone who gives you a good task on here.
2. Have a conversation about what turns them on. Don’t just offer resistance because you think you should. If they like resistance and defiance maybe do something outside standard “playtime” to trigger it. They say to be home for dinner by 6. Be home at precisely 6:15. Gives them something to “punish”. You can go into subspace in full knowing that you are fully submitting in contrition for your disrespect.

Thanks for your comments! I already do all that. But I have anxiety and issues from the past so I can’t really “stop worrying” and when I see people online commenting how someone like me is boring I can’t help but be offended. It’s fine though. My style of submission is not for everyone just like bratting is not for everyone. Like for example, when I’m in Domme mode I can’t stand a lot of bratting, I feel it’s very disrespectful especially when they insult me or my tasks, but that’s my own preference and mindset. And that’s ok. We are all different!
I also can’t purposely disobey, if it’s an accident sure but I can’t make myself disobey just to see what happens. If they want to punish me they could punish me because they feel like it. I’d rather them do that then to disobey and let my dominant down in any way.

 

[SweetNSpicy]

I'm the same! I like to please too! You won't see any sass or brattiness from me either.

 

[deschut]

I think it's important to keep true to your own style and liking - so you can truly enjoy. Obviously it's hard to find a right match - as it is finding any good partner or good friend for that matter! So just keep exploring till you find what you need, you'll know it when it happens! And I hope those doubts and fears can then be taken away slowly!

 

[Butterfly]

Everybody has their own preferences and it is dangerous to compare ourselves to others. However, I also very much can understand. I identify as a brat but my brat style is very different from a lot of others. I love to be playful and silly but I would never actually disobey. I might say "make me" as I do it, but I am still going to do it. This is something that a lot of Doms or other brats have misunderstood in the past. I also take my submission really seriously, it is just in a different way than you and that is totally ok.

I think as long as you are able to "let your hair down" in between being in slave mode, then that is completely ok. And if somebody finds that boring, then you aren't in the right relationship!

I hope you can find others who feel the same as you so that you can talk it out and get to understand yourself a bit more. They are out there!

 

[saltychip]

I've known you awhile now, maybe not always talking, but we've had some pretty in depth and intense conversations and I cam say with complete confidence that there is nothing boring about you or your submission. If a dom is telling you that your submission is boring, then they are not the right one for you. I know you have witnessed my brattiness first hand, but you have to remember there is also a behind the door point of view you are also not seeing. As much as some people would love to say brats have no obedience, it is simply not true (for most - there are always exceptions to the rule). I say "yes, sir" just as much as I make my sassy comments and get myself into trouble. You are just as playful and fun, your submission just looks different than mine. It doesn't make you boring or inadequate in any way. It just simply means you show your submission different. We very much share some of the same ideas of what submission looks like, I will happily allow my dom to make my decisions for me, I will happily do what makes him happy, and I usually don't argue about it.

You are funny and playful, far from boring. Your submission is beautiful in it's own way.
You are wonderful and you should never question yourself.
You deserve the best.

 

[dgforyourpleasure]

Just so you know I think you are amazing!! You are you, and honestly being truly you is the best thing you can ever be. I don't think you have to change the way you submit to be fun and have a good time. It is really hard not to compare ourselves to others. I understand that it is super difficult thing not to do because I do it all the time too, I am always comparing myself to others (on and off the internet )

When I start feeling bad about myself cause I am comparing myself, I try to remind myself that there are things about everyone that combined together makes each person unique. It would be boring if we all were the exact same about all things. When I am comparing myself to others, I often wish I was better at certain things that I do terribly at, and I try to remind myself there are things I excel at too and those that I don't I work on or maybe that is just a part of who I am

It is normal to compare ourselves to others. I think when we do its just important to remind ourselves of our positive traits, remind ourselves that our uniqueness makes us interesting

I hate when people try to decide what is fun and what is not fun. It irks me when people try to generalize things like that, whatever kink it is, whatever way you decide to play, if you are having fun and enjoying it, then that is all that matters!!

I don't think any one person can determine what is fun and what is not. Even a group of people for that matter. Strict obedience isn't boring, it's extremely submissive. Brattiness doesn't equate disobedience, it is still submission. It is all dependent on the individual and a dynamic.

I truly think people could do with being less judgmental, and more willing to understand and learn or just learn to have options and preferences without putting others down! It is hard not to feel self conscious when others make it out that who we are is "not fun"/"acceptable"/"boring"/etc. I feel like everyone has their own way to do things, its hard to find that match that works with what you like, but I think its important to remember there are people who like your submission as it is, there are people who like strict obedience, they find it fun and enjoyable

I think its hard to find people in general who align with all our thought processes, it can definitely make us feel more alone in a sense. I hope you can find more people who feel the same way you do and learn to find acceptance and happiness in that! And even if we don’t think the same on everything, I hope you know I see you and think you are amazing just the way you are

If you've read this far, thanks for reading and hopefully you enjoyed seeing into my subby soul a little bit!

I love seeing it <3

 

[Markndoubt]

Perhaps too granted words (and sure in a bad english.. I hope my thoughts will be understandable ) but I always felt the D/s relationship has to be a way to improve each one in that relationship, just in different ways that usual ones. If the dom or the sub feel boredom, it could be just a not matching relationship. There will be ofc moments where the boredom will be felt but communication, check and changes can help. You are a nice smart girl and I am quite sure a cute submissive toy. Just you have to find the right match. In the meantime you will have to try and find new aspects of your submissiveness. Try relationships, stop them if you feel uncomfy, bored or pushed to approach changes in the way to feel you submissive. You are the only person in the world that can order to yourself to change or to adapt and it happens when you decide it is good for you. Make it sense?

A kiss on forehead, sweetie!