Somebody recently asked me what some of my pet peeves are. We all have little things that tend to irk us. I decided that maybe listing out some of my kinky irks would be therapeutic and maybe it would give others something to think about, in case they were a perpetrator of these behaviours! Also, please note that most of these relate to online kink relationships, though they can also make sense when it comes to other relationships, dating or even just every day life.
1. Titles
This is a pretty common one. One that has been mentioned by a lot of people, but it is one of my biggest. Titles mean something to me. I will not address you as "Sir" or "Daddy" unless we have negotiated terms and conditions of a dynamic. You need to earn those titles. On the flip side, DO NOT call me "Ma'am", "Miss" or equivalent unless it has been negotiated. My name is Butterfly and that is what you can call me.
2. Do you have a friend who ...
A lot of the time this happens after I have said that I am not interested in Domming somebody. They want to know if I know of somebody else who may take on the role with them. I am not a matchmaker. I not setting you up with my friend, or a fellow Domme that I may know. Especially if I don't know you. If I know two people and think they might be a good fit, sure I might introduce them, but if we just met, there is no way I am sending you to my friends.
3. No means no
I know that rejection sucks, but when I say that I am not looking for a partner, or I am not interested in casual play, then I expect that to be honored. I don't want you to start begging me, or try to manipulate me into giving you tasks. Don't ask me for permission to do things. No means no! I said no. I am always open to making new friends, having interesting conversations, and generally just being friendly, but don't cross the boundaries.
4. Entitlement
I guess this one is sort of related to the one above. I find this is especially prevelent with males. I find myself in discussions where they try to convince me to Domme them. (or maybe have me sub to them). They feel that they are God's gift to the world, and that they are special and are owed something. They think they aren't asking for much. That I should just do this one thing for them. I owe you nothing. Just because you have a penis, doesn't mean you deserve to have it played with.
5. Dick pics
I don't want to see your dick. No, for real. Like ever. The only dicks I ever want to see are ones that I am in a relationship with. And even then, it really doesn't do a whole lot for me. If you want to share a photo, ask first. If I say no .... read the above two pet peeves.
6. No limits
It drives me nuts when I see people who say they have no limits. It is one thing to be new and not know what your limits are, but if you are advertising that you have no limits, I call bullshit. Are you willing to cut off your penis? Are you willing to blow up your work life? I doubt you are. So if you say you have no limits, it either tells me you are here for the fantasy (which is totally ok, but not what I am here for) or you are lying/inexperienced.
On the flip side, if somebody is insisting that you can't have limits, that is a HUGE red flag for me. Building a relationship down the line where you might give up having limits with a particular person is one thing. But expecting to have zero limits from day one ... that is just bat shit crazy! You can't trust people like that.
7. Asking "What is the (dirtiest, most, kinkiest, etc.) ..."
First of all, all of those terms are super subjective. What I might find hot, dirty, kinky, etc. you might not. So it makes it super difficult to give you what you might be looking for. Second, I find it really difficult to think of something off the top of my head for a lot of those questions. I would much rather discuss specific experiences with somebody.
8. I am the expert on my own body
Everybody is different. We all have different likes, dislikes, experiences, and triggers. My body is different from yours, even if we have the same parts. So when I tell you that I don't really like being tickled, or that I can't use adhesive on my body because it frequently causes a reaction, or that nipple vibration does nothing for me ... then you should listen to that and take it into account. Those things might not be limits, but I know my own body. You should use that information to your advantage. I am the best resource you have.
9. Switching on me
I am a switch. However, I have a really hard time switching with the same person, so I typically stay in one role with whoever I am speaking to. My Domme side gets a lot of action. There are a lot of potential partners out there that could help meet those needs. Therefore, I am usually looking for a Dom partner instead. So when I advertise looking for somebody in that role and have made this clear, I expect that this will be adhered to. Frequently I end up in a situation where somebody suddenly decides they would rather me dominate them. They try to be sneaky about it, but I can see right through it.
10. I am not here to just get you off
So many times I have people who start off friendly but they then start to ask questions and want more and more details from me. I can tell when this crosses into "jacking off" territory. When you want to just hear about the things that I have done to/with my subs in order to get off, I lose interest. I am not here just to get you off.
11. Ghosting
I have ghosted a few times in the past. Usually this will happen if somebody is super creepy or if they aren't respecting boundaries etc. However, for the most part, I think that ghosting is unacceptable. It is one thing if a conversation just tapers off, or there is no connection. But if we have been chatting and seem to get along well, and you just disappear without a trace, that is just unfair!
12. Lying
This one I just don't understand. You can be anybody you want on the internet. I get that. But at the same time, if you want something deeper and more meaningful, where does it get you to lie?
13. Etc. etc. etc.
I am sure there are plenty more things that irk me that I haven't thought about. If I forgot a big one, or you want to share one of your own, drop it in the comments!
1. Titles
This is a pretty common one. One that has been mentioned by a lot of people, but it is one of my biggest. Titles mean something to me. I will not address you as "Sir" or "Daddy" unless we have negotiated terms and conditions of a dynamic. You need to earn those titles. On the flip side, DO NOT call me "Ma'am", "Miss" or equivalent unless it has been negotiated. My name is Butterfly and that is what you can call me.
2. Do you have a friend who ...
A lot of the time this happens after I have said that I am not interested in Domming somebody. They want to know if I know of somebody else who may take on the role with them. I am not a matchmaker. I not setting you up with my friend, or a fellow Domme that I may know. Especially if I don't know you. If I know two people and think they might be a good fit, sure I might introduce them, but if we just met, there is no way I am sending you to my friends.
3. No means no
I know that rejection sucks, but when I say that I am not looking for a partner, or I am not interested in casual play, then I expect that to be honored. I don't want you to start begging me, or try to manipulate me into giving you tasks. Don't ask me for permission to do things. No means no! I said no. I am always open to making new friends, having interesting conversations, and generally just being friendly, but don't cross the boundaries.
4. Entitlement
I guess this one is sort of related to the one above. I find this is especially prevelent with males. I find myself in discussions where they try to convince me to Domme them. (or maybe have me sub to them). They feel that they are God's gift to the world, and that they are special and are owed something. They think they aren't asking for much. That I should just do this one thing for them. I owe you nothing. Just because you have a penis, doesn't mean you deserve to have it played with.
5. Dick pics
I don't want to see your dick. No, for real. Like ever. The only dicks I ever want to see are ones that I am in a relationship with. And even then, it really doesn't do a whole lot for me. If you want to share a photo, ask first. If I say no .... read the above two pet peeves.
6. No limits
It drives me nuts when I see people who say they have no limits. It is one thing to be new and not know what your limits are, but if you are advertising that you have no limits, I call bullshit. Are you willing to cut off your penis? Are you willing to blow up your work life? I doubt you are. So if you say you have no limits, it either tells me you are here for the fantasy (which is totally ok, but not what I am here for) or you are lying/inexperienced.
On the flip side, if somebody is insisting that you can't have limits, that is a HUGE red flag for me. Building a relationship down the line where you might give up having limits with a particular person is one thing. But expecting to have zero limits from day one ... that is just bat shit crazy! You can't trust people like that.
7. Asking "What is the (dirtiest, most, kinkiest, etc.) ..."
First of all, all of those terms are super subjective. What I might find hot, dirty, kinky, etc. you might not. So it makes it super difficult to give you what you might be looking for. Second, I find it really difficult to think of something off the top of my head for a lot of those questions. I would much rather discuss specific experiences with somebody.
8. I am the expert on my own body
Everybody is different. We all have different likes, dislikes, experiences, and triggers. My body is different from yours, even if we have the same parts. So when I tell you that I don't really like being tickled, or that I can't use adhesive on my body because it frequently causes a reaction, or that nipple vibration does nothing for me ... then you should listen to that and take it into account. Those things might not be limits, but I know my own body. You should use that information to your advantage. I am the best resource you have.
9. Switching on me
I am a switch. However, I have a really hard time switching with the same person, so I typically stay in one role with whoever I am speaking to. My Domme side gets a lot of action. There are a lot of potential partners out there that could help meet those needs. Therefore, I am usually looking for a Dom partner instead. So when I advertise looking for somebody in that role and have made this clear, I expect that this will be adhered to. Frequently I end up in a situation where somebody suddenly decides they would rather me dominate them. They try to be sneaky about it, but I can see right through it.
10. I am not here to just get you off
So many times I have people who start off friendly but they then start to ask questions and want more and more details from me. I can tell when this crosses into "jacking off" territory. When you want to just hear about the things that I have done to/with my subs in order to get off, I lose interest. I am not here just to get you off.
11. Ghosting
I have ghosted a few times in the past. Usually this will happen if somebody is super creepy or if they aren't respecting boundaries etc. However, for the most part, I think that ghosting is unacceptable. It is one thing if a conversation just tapers off, or there is no connection. But if we have been chatting and seem to get along well, and you just disappear without a trace, that is just unfair!
12. Lying
This one I just don't understand. You can be anybody you want on the internet. I get that. But at the same time, if you want something deeper and more meaningful, where does it get you to lie?
13. Etc. etc. etc.
I am sure there are plenty more things that irk me that I haven't thought about. If I forgot a big one, or you want to share one of your own, drop it in the comments!
