Last night, in the chat, I remarked that neurodivergent people are probably more likely to be kinky, because we're already used to not being normal anyway.
Prompting someone to ask…
It's not a terribly difficult question to answer. Like with all commonly used words, everyone already instinctively knows what it means, even if defining it is difficult. I'm not going to spend too much ink on that. That's not interesting.
The basic idea is:
But much more interestingly:
'Normal' is the opposite of marginalised. It's a key concept in any kind of inequality.
On any axis of inequality, there's always one identity that is considered normal. It's the one that's always centered, that is taken for granted, that doesn't stand out. This in contrast to marginalised people, who involuntarily attract attention by being considered 'unusual' in some way or another. This means heightened visibility, it means that everything you do is considered to reflect on your entire demographic, and it also means that various unfair double standards are applied to you.
(The more academic terms 'marked' and 'unmarked' are also sometimes used. Julia Serano just wrote a piece about this. Unmarked is normal, marked is anything that stands out.)
Ever hear people grumble about Netflix "putting gay characters in everything for no good reason"?
Netflix puts even more straight characters in everything, but nobody thinks they need a reason for that. No one even notices how insanely overrepresented straight characters and story arcs are in literally everything ever, how ubiquitous and inescapable the overwhelming straightness of all media is. It doesn't stand out. Heterosexuality is normal.
Similarly: there's like three women in all of the Lord of the Rings movies! No one even notices! You can bet your sweet booty that if a franchise with this much cultural impact had like fifteen women for every man, people would bring it up. But films with 98% men don't even register as unrealistic. Men are normal.
There's a well-known XKCD strip where a guy makes a math error and someone says "wow, you suck at math." Then a girl makes a math error, and someone says "wow, girls suck at math".
What's up with that? It's the same thing. Men are normal, they're just regular people. When they fuck up, it's that one guy being a dumbass. But women are unusual; they have a characteristic that's going to be on people's minds. So when a woman fucks up, it's probably because of that. It reflects on all of womanhood.
(Which, let's be clear, is bullshit. It's prejudice. It makes no sense. But that's how it works, in practice.)
The entire phenomenon of being in the closet also hinges on this. Being cis and straight is normal, being queer is unusual. And so, unless you're really obvious about it, we're all automatically assumed to be cis and straight by approximately everyone we ever meet. In fact, even being overwhelmingly obvious often still isn't enough.
Coming out to someone is just informing them that their unfounded assumption is mistaken. And in a world with homophobes and transphobes in it, that's a difficult, scary process that we keep having to go through for every new person we meet.
Ultimately, normalcy is about power. Not just the power that comes with being normal, but also the power to decide what 'normal' looks like.
I think I'm going to leave it to that.
Prompting someone to ask…
What is 'normal'?
My response got probably a bit more profound than it needed to be, and then people suggested I write this blog post about it.It's not a terribly difficult question to answer. Like with all commonly used words, everyone already instinctively knows what it means, even if defining it is difficult. I'm not going to spend too much ink on that. That's not interesting.
The basic idea is:
'Normal' is what matches widely held expectations.
If that's all you wanted to know, there you go. Cheers. Have a lovely day.But much more interestingly:
'Normal' is one of the various deeply fucked up core principles by which society is organised.
And it is an inherently political concept, actually.'Normal' is the opposite of marginalised. It's a key concept in any kind of inequality.
On any axis of inequality, there's always one identity that is considered normal. It's the one that's always centered, that is taken for granted, that doesn't stand out. This in contrast to marginalised people, who involuntarily attract attention by being considered 'unusual' in some way or another. This means heightened visibility, it means that everything you do is considered to reflect on your entire demographic, and it also means that various unfair double standards are applied to you.
(The more academic terms 'marked' and 'unmarked' are also sometimes used. Julia Serano just wrote a piece about this. Unmarked is normal, marked is anything that stands out.)
Ever hear people grumble about Netflix "putting gay characters in everything for no good reason"?
Netflix puts even more straight characters in everything, but nobody thinks they need a reason for that. No one even notices how insanely overrepresented straight characters and story arcs are in literally everything ever, how ubiquitous and inescapable the overwhelming straightness of all media is. It doesn't stand out. Heterosexuality is normal.
Similarly: there's like three women in all of the Lord of the Rings movies! No one even notices! You can bet your sweet booty that if a franchise with this much cultural impact had like fifteen women for every man, people would bring it up. But films with 98% men don't even register as unrealistic. Men are normal.
There's a well-known XKCD strip where a guy makes a math error and someone says "wow, you suck at math." Then a girl makes a math error, and someone says "wow, girls suck at math".
What's up with that? It's the same thing. Men are normal, they're just regular people. When they fuck up, it's that one guy being a dumbass. But women are unusual; they have a characteristic that's going to be on people's minds. So when a woman fucks up, it's probably because of that. It reflects on all of womanhood.
(Which, let's be clear, is bullshit. It's prejudice. It makes no sense. But that's how it works, in practice.)
The entire phenomenon of being in the closet also hinges on this. Being cis and straight is normal, being queer is unusual. And so, unless you're really obvious about it, we're all automatically assumed to be cis and straight by approximately everyone we ever meet. In fact, even being overwhelmingly obvious often still isn't enough.
Coming out to someone is just informing them that their unfounded assumption is mistaken. And in a world with homophobes and transphobes in it, that's a difficult, scary process that we keep having to go through for every new person we meet.
Ultimately, normalcy is about power. Not just the power that comes with being normal, but also the power to decide what 'normal' looks like.
I think I'm going to leave it to that.
) But people do stupid things sometimes unfortunately..
