I have spent many years on forums such as Kinky Wonderland or places like Reddit or Fetlife. I see so many people that just want a little attention. They may be new and trying to make friends, or they are only here to find somebody to play with outside of the forums. Whatever the reason, it is hard to be noticed in a sea of thousands of other people wanting the same thing.
So how do you stand out?
I thought I would share just some tips that help me notice people:
Be active!
This is the most important piece of advice that I can share with somebody. There are so many ways to get active on this forum. Instead of just pm'ing random people or going into chat and continuously posting the same line over and over (Anybody interested in camming?), be active:
*Write a story and post it in the stories section.
*Write a blog.
*Comment on other people's blogs.
*Create a thread.
*Contribute to a thread.
*Talk in chat.
*Post a gallery of photos.
There are so many ways to get involved in this community. When you get involved people get to know you. They can learn a lot about you by looking at the comments you make and the way you interact with other people on this site.
Fill out your profile ... including a photo
If somebody catches my eye, either from a post or in chat, the first thing I do is go to their profile. I am looking to see what kind of information they have provided. I know there are a lot of people who want to remain anonymous, but even providing minimal information can be helpful. Not only does it help people get to know you, but it also shows that you are more serious. Taking the time to fill out the information, even when you are brand new to the site, shows people that you are hoping to stick around. That you aren't here for just a quickie and will run away.
Choosing a photo also says the same things. But on top of that, it also helps you stand out. When I am looking through the forums, I tend to overlook posts that don't have an avatar. I don't do it on purpose, but it just kind of happens. There have been many times, in the blog section, that I will see somebody comment on a blog with a title that interests me, but I realize that I completely passed over it because there is no picture. I also tend to associate that picture with you. I am much better with photos than names.
You can even take it a step further and personalize your profile by adding a custom banner or title etc.
Fill out your signature.
Your signature is like your own personal billboard. A lot of members add links to their play partners information, or their likes/dislikes, some of their favorite posts, or a thread they created. It is a great way to advertise yourself. Whether it has a tonne of information and links, or just basic information about you, the important part is to fill it out. It will post with every single post you make.
Really make it your own. Add color. Different fonts. Maybe a giff or a picture.
Write with decent grammar and spelling
If you want people to respect you, and respond to you, take the time to proofread your work. Use complete sentences with punctuation and capital letters. I understand that not everybody is English first language, and that is completely ok. But write using real words; not just " i c u want dom". It makes a huge difference to a lot of people.
Feel free to reach out to people.
If you found somebody who you might be interested in getting to know, reach out to them, but do it in the right way.
DO say "Hi" in chat.
DO send a whisper in chat and start a conversation.
DON'T request to speak with them in private before asking them first.
DO comment on their blog, thread or story.
DON'T send them a pm asking them to send you a task, demanding to be their Dom or Sub or asking for photos.
DO send them a private message letting them know you were interested in chatting.
DON'T send them a friend request without interacting with them first.
Participate in chat
The best place to meet people is in chat. However, chat can be intimidating, but it can be very worth it. I know sometimes it seems like everybody knows each other and have been friends for years, and sometimes that can be true. But a lot of the time I will go into chat and meet brand new people and still have meaningful conversations.
Say Hi! Jump into the conversation. Ask questions. Don't forget to change your font color. Try to pick a color that is easy to read and makes you stand out. If I see a sea of black font, I tend to skim as it all blends in together.
Don't continue to spam the chat with the same thing or ask if somebody is interested in playing.
Do not get discouraged. If you go into chat and it isn't busy, or there doesn't seem to be anything you can contribute, try again another day. It might just be an off night. Don't let it prevent you from trying again. There are times where I will go into chat for 10 minutes and leave because I am just not feeling it that night.
Create a Personals ad.
If you have decided that you want to find a play partner, the best way to let people know is to create an ad. Not just a 3 sentence ad, but something detailed and well thought out. Put yourself on a page! Once you have created the ad, you will forever have something you can refer people to if you decide to follow any of the above advice.
Link it in your signature. That way, anytime that you post in a thread, it will be there for people to see. Anytime you message somebody, it will be there for them to look at if they want.
Try to refrain from posting the link over and over in chat. However, if somebody mentions they are looking, feel free to share it during a conversation in chat.
If you follow the above, I cannot promise that you will find a play partner right away, or that you will have a million people messaging you. But I will promise that it won't hurt, and it might even just help!
So how do you stand out?
I thought I would share just some tips that help me notice people:
Be active!
This is the most important piece of advice that I can share with somebody. There are so many ways to get active on this forum. Instead of just pm'ing random people or going into chat and continuously posting the same line over and over (Anybody interested in camming?), be active:
*Write a story and post it in the stories section.
*Write a blog.
*Comment on other people's blogs.
*Create a thread.
*Contribute to a thread.
*Talk in chat.
*Post a gallery of photos.
There are so many ways to get involved in this community. When you get involved people get to know you. They can learn a lot about you by looking at the comments you make and the way you interact with other people on this site.
Fill out your profile ... including a photo
If somebody catches my eye, either from a post or in chat, the first thing I do is go to their profile. I am looking to see what kind of information they have provided. I know there are a lot of people who want to remain anonymous, but even providing minimal information can be helpful. Not only does it help people get to know you, but it also shows that you are more serious. Taking the time to fill out the information, even when you are brand new to the site, shows people that you are hoping to stick around. That you aren't here for just a quickie and will run away.
Choosing a photo also says the same things. But on top of that, it also helps you stand out. When I am looking through the forums, I tend to overlook posts that don't have an avatar. I don't do it on purpose, but it just kind of happens. There have been many times, in the blog section, that I will see somebody comment on a blog with a title that interests me, but I realize that I completely passed over it because there is no picture. I also tend to associate that picture with you. I am much better with photos than names.
You can even take it a step further and personalize your profile by adding a custom banner or title etc.
Fill out your signature.
Your signature is like your own personal billboard. A lot of members add links to their play partners information, or their likes/dislikes, some of their favorite posts, or a thread they created. It is a great way to advertise yourself. Whether it has a tonne of information and links, or just basic information about you, the important part is to fill it out. It will post with every single post you make.
Really make it your own. Add color. Different fonts. Maybe a giff or a picture.
Write with decent grammar and spelling
If you want people to respect you, and respond to you, take the time to proofread your work. Use complete sentences with punctuation and capital letters. I understand that not everybody is English first language, and that is completely ok. But write using real words; not just " i c u want dom". It makes a huge difference to a lot of people.
Feel free to reach out to people.
If you found somebody who you might be interested in getting to know, reach out to them, but do it in the right way.
DO say "Hi" in chat.
DO send a whisper in chat and start a conversation.
DON'T request to speak with them in private before asking them first.
DO comment on their blog, thread or story.
DON'T send them a pm asking them to send you a task, demanding to be their Dom or Sub or asking for photos.
DO send them a private message letting them know you were interested in chatting.
DON'T send them a friend request without interacting with them first.
Participate in chat
The best place to meet people is in chat. However, chat can be intimidating, but it can be very worth it. I know sometimes it seems like everybody knows each other and have been friends for years, and sometimes that can be true. But a lot of the time I will go into chat and meet brand new people and still have meaningful conversations.
Say Hi! Jump into the conversation. Ask questions. Don't forget to change your font color. Try to pick a color that is easy to read and makes you stand out. If I see a sea of black font, I tend to skim as it all blends in together.
Don't continue to spam the chat with the same thing or ask if somebody is interested in playing.
Do not get discouraged. If you go into chat and it isn't busy, or there doesn't seem to be anything you can contribute, try again another day. It might just be an off night. Don't let it prevent you from trying again. There are times where I will go into chat for 10 minutes and leave because I am just not feeling it that night.
Create a Personals ad.
If you have decided that you want to find a play partner, the best way to let people know is to create an ad. Not just a 3 sentence ad, but something detailed and well thought out. Put yourself on a page! Once you have created the ad, you will forever have something you can refer people to if you decide to follow any of the above advice.
Link it in your signature. That way, anytime that you post in a thread, it will be there for people to see. Anytime you message somebody, it will be there for them to look at if they want.
Try to refrain from posting the link over and over in chat. However, if somebody mentions they are looking, feel free to share it during a conversation in chat.
If you follow the above, I cannot promise that you will find a play partner right away, or that you will have a million people messaging you. But I will promise that it won't hurt, and it might even just help!
