Red flags, green flags

[Butterfly]

Share with us your red flags and green flags when meeting new partners, starting a new dynamic, negotiating a scene etc.

 

[picaboo]

For me my biggest red flags is when discussing a scene with someone especially when it's impact or some kind of pain play the guy I'm talking to talks about it like he someone would a fight. Saying things like I'm going to beat the shit out of you. When referring to impact. It's the kind of thing I saw on GD a lot that kept me away from a lot of online play.

Another being any time a Dom or sub expects me to use honorifics when talking to them (there's a time and a place and first time talking in a online chat rooms or DM isn't it)

another is referring to me as slut, slave, whore or anything like that in your opening messages.

 

[picaboo]

Green flags-
Asking questions about the scene and each other's experiences with that type of play

Discussing safe words and what is to be done when one is used

Discussing and understanding aftercare needs and possibilities

Calling me a good girl

Bringing snackies

 

[baloo]

Green flags:
Metaconversational skills! Introductions and getting to know can be super stressful, presenting awareness for this process and being aware of how difficult communication is, being able to shift to a meta level and actively help building a forthcoming exchange is a huge thing.
A good grip on realities! Being able to go deep into fantasizing mode, while understanding what it is and relates to what we do in real life matters so much.
Focus! Especially in online interactions, if someone is focusing on the conversation (responding quickly and thoughtfully) is a huge plus. I do not expect this every time but when I set out to have a conversation with someone I put my focus on them and don't do ten other things at the same time.

Red flags:
Single-mindedness. Looking for just one very specific thing? Expecting conversation to go a particular way? Not even acknowledging anything other than what you have in your mind? Bye.
Impatience. Insisting on playing right away? Not taking no for an answer? Not with me.
Manipulation/misleading. A potential sub trying to sugarcoat their limits to make them seem more attractive? Bragging about or exaggerating experience? Not going to fly with me.
Attitude. Jumping into submissive or dominant demeanor without prior agreement? Taking yourself or the subject too seriously? Making assumptions and going with them? Eww.

 

[MessyAshy]

The greens are putting effort into making a first impression. I wrote a whole blog about this, at least try and use capitals and punctuation, full coherent sentences, demonstrate that you can be bothered to have a decent conversation with me.

Creativity, an open mind, thinking out of the box are great qualities.

Not jumping into a dynamic right away, starting off as equals and establishing what we both want and not want.


The reds are making me feel like I'm applying for a job. I've messaged potential partners and they straight up directed me to an application form they made. Not the vibe I'm looking for. Also the default doms that expect me to earn their approval as they sit on their high horse, they aint all that.

Dishonesty, not even directed towards me. If they have a vanilla partner who knows they get kinky and just don't want to be involved, that's fine, But I've heard the phrase "my partner doesn't need to know I do this" and I'm not getting involved in that drama.

Asking stupid questions, as in things that are plainly stated in my bio.

 

[Butterfly]

Red Flags
* demanding my exclusive or immediate attention
* using the word "discreet" to describe the type of relationship they want
* saying they are 18 (I am skeptical and overly cautious)
* constantly asking me for photos
* constantly directing the conversation to sexual things

Green Flags
* Asking permission to send dick pics
* Being able to spell and using punctuation
* Asking me about limits, safewords and aftercare

 

[makemesquirm]

Red flags

• Assuming that you're already my Dom before we've gotten to know each other or agreed on a dynamic
• Ignoring what people are looking for (trying to dish out tasks in AMAs for example)
• Calling me stupid, pathetic, ugly or anything else negative about my looks or personality
• Telling a sub that they have "no choice" and actually meaning it
• Saying they want pics for "proof" as if a dynamic shouldn't be built on mutual trust
• Not giving me praise after I've been vocal about needing it
• Dishonesty

Green flags

• Making me feel safe and valued
• Sticking to my likes/dislikes/limits
• Discussing safe words
• Giving good aftercare
• Giving me lots n lots of praise

 

[switchnewbie]

I agree with you