No confidence

People probably wouldn't think that deep inside, Sir's toy has huge issues with body image.

Sir's toy has always admired people who seem in peace with the way they look, it's something she can probably never achieve. These people are able to put themselves out there, be naked around another person, feel worthy of another person's interest.

While Sir's toy can be proud of the aesthetic pictures she takes, and they are in no way heavily filtered or edited, she feels there's a disconnect between that image and how she feels about herself in reality.

In her mind, no one would want to be with Sir's toy in reality, nobody would want to touch or fuck or date that. She sees herself as a flaw ridden less than human piece of existing being. And the prospect of meeting someone she liked online ? That comes with certainty that they won't like her IRL and she will lose them.

Sir's toy used to think she would feel lovely if she did this or that to her body, maybe she needed abs, maybe delts, maybe bigger tits, fixing her posture, maybe longer hair... and in a way yes, maybe Sir's toy just needs to work more towards her ideal body, find clothes that compliment her more, and take better care.

But there is just something more to it, something in the mind, something that can't be fixed. Sir's toy began to understand that when she did this simple mental exercise : pick a woman she really finds hot, then imagine Sir's toy is in her shoes - immediately when Sir's toy is that woman, that body is no longer beautiful in her mind.

Sir's toy saw women being confined with their faces despite having pimples, they still feel attractive and expect others to find them attractive too, meanwhile Sir's toy has very minimal skin flaws, pretty much just human skin with the occasional period pimple, yet she feels like her skin is gross, for no real reason it seems.

There is probably something about growing up in this era and being subjected to images of perfection on tv and so on being at play there, but then again we're all in the same boat, so where do others find their confidence ?

It does help that a lot of people compliment Sir's toy at least, she uses that as a replacement for her own non existant self-confidence, it helps. But she would love it if she could experience that kind of conviction on her own.

Then she has to wonder if maybe just everyone feels that way too, maybe she assumes they are confident just like other people might assume she is ? Then again, they do at least feel confident enough to deem themselves datable, fuckable, mariable, etc Sir's toy feels unworthy of any of those things, it's to the point where when someone made once a joke about pimping her, she caught her mind in disbelief that she was even worthy of being that.

 

[Hopeful Dom]

I understand all too well the feeling of being inadequate in some fashion. Whenever I am complimented for something I have done I feel the nearly irrepressible urge to down-play the achievement. It is not something I have ever managed to stop doing. I frequently think to myself that I am unable to improve myself or my situation and undeserving of any affecting sent my way.

However, there is one - rather strange - line of thought that has helped me a little bit. Perhaps it will help you too

There is no such thing as worth. There is only what is, and what is not. When life is good and your loved ones show you affection it does not matter if they are 'wrong' to do so. They are doing so anyway so you might as well enjoy it. And when life is bad and you feel cold and alone? Well there is nothing then to stop you from going out into the world and seeking enjoyment for yourself. Find a park and climb a tree, make hot chocolate with little marshmellows, or just leave and go exploring. It's a big world out there and there is always something to find enjoyment in. Of course, you may also find that people who care for you wish to stop you from leaving, or possibly join you in adventuring. In that case you weren't alone from the beginning, and so you might as well enjoy their affection, right? After all, whether or not you deserve it, it's there.

And for what little it is worth, I have seen your pictures and thought you were very attractive, and that your Sir was very lucky indeed.

 

[MessyAshy]

Thank you for sharing this. I admire the introspection you have done on this. Because indeed, there are those people who feel like you do, and they tear themselves apart physically because "maybe the next nose job will work, maybe another breast enlargement, maybe if I lose 5 more pounds, then I'll be happy." But the issue is in their mind, not in their body. So good on you for discovering that.

As for how i got my confidence, for what it's worth... well, that's a few things.
For starters i would call it more acceptance. I accept that I look as good as I'm going to look for the effort I'm willing to put in. I accept that I'll never look like a male model or a bodybuilder. I accept that what I am is what I am.

The second aspect is looking around. I constantly see people who I think are ugly, hanging out with friends, walking hand in hand with a romantic partner, just generally being happy. They may not be universally admired as the peak of human beauty, but they still have fulfilling lives, and people who love them. If they can do it, then why shouldn't I?

The third part is accepting that ultimately it's not up to me. Everyone is entitled to their own taste. If they want to hang around my lazy-eyed face and crooked back, that is their choice, and they are entitled to it. They can't be wrong because it is a personal opinion.

 

[Butterfly]

I spent a lot of time growing up being repeatedly told that I was not good enough, I was ugly, fat, never going to be loved, and all sorts of damaging things. This was reinforced in my first long term relationship. It has taken me years and years of positive friendships, relationships and counselling to start to feel more confident in my skin.

There are still lots of times where I can't accept a compliment. I am not just being shy or coy, or humble, but I truly just do not believe that it could be something that they actually believe about me. And then I wonder if they are only saying it in order to get something from me.

It is a work in progress, but you CAN make progress. It just takes a lot of work. I do think everybody has insecurities and they have bad days and we all feel like this sometimes, but if you are feeling that way 100% of the time, I honestly would recommend that you speak with a professional. There is no shame in getting help!