In this blog I plan to discuss my personal SafeWord system and explain it in greater detail. If you are unfamiliar with how SafeWords are utilized in a scene you can find a more general explanation of them in SafeWords 101. Below you will see an image of how my ideal scene will progress, along with my personal SafeWords and what they mean to me. Let's go ahead and get started on the left circle. I like to explain the progression of a scene similar to riding a Ferris Wheel.
To address the right side, first we need to understand how SafeWords are interrupted and what they mean to those who will be in the scene. To me SafeWords are not just for safety, but to help convey as much information as possible in a simple and quick way. It allows each participant to relay data without disrupting the flow of the scene. That being said, they do not have to be used. You can go a whole scene without ever needing to say any of them, and that is fine. I personally like a Dom who checks in periodically so that they can gauge how to proceed. Maybe I jerked hard from an impact, or I am not reacting much at all. All they need to do is utter the word Color and I will be able to tell them exactly how I feel and what I want with a single word response. For these to work however, both parties have to be able to trust that the other one will use them if need be. Apprehensions get stifled and so many new doors open up when trust is involved. I personally expect to hear or say them when playing with someone. Now if it is a long time play partner and we know each other really well, then they will be said/needed less and less as we grow together. Learning how to read each others body language and other signs. Lastly, before I go into detail as to what each one means individually, and I wish I could put this in flashing letters for everyone, it is never wrong to SafeWord and it does not mean you did anything wrong. It does not mean you are not good enough, it does not mean you messed up, it does not mean anything except exactly what you agreed on. No more no less. But lets go ahead and move on to the breakdown of each individual word in my Safety Circle and what they mean to me.
- Down at the very bottom is where you meet the attendant. They explain the basics of how the ride works and what to expect before allowing you to get on. Just like in a scene where the very first thing you do is discuss what kinks you would like to engage in and what your expectations are.
- Once you get seated and are in place there is that first, kinda sudden jerk of the ride starting. This is where the scene begins. It is that very first act, whether a verbal order or physical touch. It usually only lasts for a brief moment, but is a clear sign that things have started.
- Now you start to move, slowly headed towards the top. It should be a smooth introduction as things get going. The warm up of the scene, those next few interactions that ramp things up and bring you higher.
- Finally, you are at the top, the apex. This is that view you wanted, the place you wish you could spend all day. You don't want to go any higher, don't want things to get any more intense, but you also do not want to go down yet. This is where you want to spend the most time, the goal you set at the start.
- All good things come to an end, and how it ends should be just as smooth and easy as the beginning. Slowly brining you back down to the resting state instead of just dropping you and ending it. You start dialing things back bit by bit before it is finally time to stop.
- The ride jerks one last time and you are at the bottom, back where you started. You take off any safety restraints and get off the ride. The scene is over, but we are not done just yet.
- Just as they helped you get on the ride, the familiar attendant is there again to help you get off. They ask you how you enjoyed the ride and if there is anything else you need. Whether it is snuggles or some chocolate, maybe just hand under your chin as they tell you how well you did, aftercare should never be overlooked.
To address the right side, first we need to understand how SafeWords are interrupted and what they mean to those who will be in the scene. To me SafeWords are not just for safety, but to help convey as much information as possible in a simple and quick way. It allows each participant to relay data without disrupting the flow of the scene. That being said, they do not have to be used. You can go a whole scene without ever needing to say any of them, and that is fine. I personally like a Dom who checks in periodically so that they can gauge how to proceed. Maybe I jerked hard from an impact, or I am not reacting much at all. All they need to do is utter the word Color and I will be able to tell them exactly how I feel and what I want with a single word response. For these to work however, both parties have to be able to trust that the other one will use them if need be. Apprehensions get stifled and so many new doors open up when trust is involved. I personally expect to hear or say them when playing with someone. Now if it is a long time play partner and we know each other really well, then they will be said/needed less and less as we grow together. Learning how to read each others body language and other signs. Lastly, before I go into detail as to what each one means individually, and I wish I could put this in flashing letters for everyone, it is never wrong to SafeWord and it does not mean you did anything wrong. It does not mean you are not good enough, it does not mean you messed up, it does not mean anything except exactly what you agreed on. No more no less. But lets go ahead and move on to the breakdown of each individual word in my Safety Circle and what they mean to me.
- Purple, I want to start with this one cause it is probably the most oddball of my SafeWords. It means that the individual would like to do something different, but that you do not want the scene to end.
- A Sub may use it cause their leg fell asleep while they were knelt under the desk and would like to move to the bed, or it is possible that the current activity isn't scratching the itch the way they thought it would and they would like to try something else.
- A Dom could use this to let their partner know they are going to change things up. Maybe they need to go to another room to grab a tool they forgot or want to switch from flogging to paddling. It lets partner know to stay put cause they are not done yet, but they need a bit of time to get ready for the next activity.
- Blue, even though I include this in my list it is probably the one I will never say. It is an implication that the scene is about to skyrocket in intensity.
- For Subs this basically translates to 'you hit like a bitch' to me. It is called the brat word in the circles I am a part of and is basically a challenge to the Dom to ramp things up.
- I had a Dom who would use it periodically to give me a heads up about what's about to come. If we were doing a spanking/flogging session and he said it I knew to bite down on the gag cause that next hit was going to be a doozy. I could just hear the smirk in his voice as he would give me the warning.
- Green, this on is basically a thumbs up, simple and sweet.
- Typically this one is used in response to being checked in on for a Sub. The Dom asks how they are doing, if things are ok and this is very solid yes.
- On the other side a Dom can use it to set expectations. It conveys that they have hit their stride and want to keep things escalating the way they are.
- Yellow, I use this one different then the typical Traffic Light System since my system is based off of a color wheel and places it at the top. It is the sweet spot, exactly what you were looking for.
- It means no harder, no softer, don't change the pace up or anything. Whatever you just did, keep doing it exactly like that. Subspace inbound
- It is reassurance, confirmation or reaffirmation to the their partner that they are enjoying themselves. In a cuck scene or a cage scene, as they walk by, they whisper it to you. It lets you know that even though they are not behind you growling in your ear, you are still making their mouth water by being a good pet and staying put without them needing to break the emersion and engage with you directly.
- Orange, a tap on the breaks, not enough to stop but enough to slow things down.
- Was that last hit a bit to hard, or the degradation a bit brutal? This lets your partner know that they need to reign things in a bit and be a tad gentler. You don't want to stop, but you will if things continue at that same level.
- Doms can get overwhelmed as well and this is a good way let the partner know things are going to ease up or that they need them to back down a bit. Maybe the dog is being to rambunctious or the brat is pushing you more then you are comfortable with. You still want to play, but maybe don't pee on my leg again.
- Red, this one will always mean stop to me no matter where I am or what I am doing. If I here it then something needs to end right there and then. It is the only one I am not going to split up, cause it means the exact same thing. There is no nuance, things are done for one reason or another. Something may have went astray or maybe they are just to worn out to continue, either way the scene is over.