I have had a lot of questions recently about why I left getDare and what led me to make this site, so I thought I would address it here for those who might be interested in the story.
The impact of getDare
I found getDare about 15 years ago. I had already been interested in BDSM and had explored with a Dom online, as well as solo play. However, finding getDare is what really started to teach me about kink. It also introduced me to so many wonderful people. In fact, I met my husband, @Mr. Devious on getDare. I also met @Jaro who has been my sub for 9 years! On top of that, I have had the pleasure of meeting so many friends, play partners and mentors. For all of these reasons, getDare has always had a very special place in my heart.
A thankless job
About 10 years ago, I was given the opportunity become a mod, and then years later, an admin. For years, I was one of the only consistently active staff members on getDare. In fact, I trained many of the mods who were currently active. I spent hours and hours each week, unpaid, to make sure that getDare remained a safe space for all. I responded to reports, settled disputes, approved photos, enforced rules, and monitored the forums to make sure that we were keeping out spammers, findoms and underage users. I had to be the "bad guy" a lot of the time in order to remain fair and consistent with enforcing the rules. Rules that I did not put into effect, but that I enforced just the same.
There were times that I was not treated very nicely by the community. I was harassed, abused, and taken for granted over the years. Yet I continued to do what I could to make sure that the community remained intact and a place that was safe for those who were also wanting to learn about kink and have a community to explore.
The owner
Depp is/was the owner of getDare and KinkTalk. It is my understanding that the sites began as a school project for him and it turned into a passion project. He didn't ever expect it to turn into what it was. However, over the years he has lost his passion for the community and had moved on with his life. It became a financial burden at times. Because of this, his lack of communication became a struggle.
If we had a bot attack or needed him to fix something, it could take us days or weeks to track him down.
The beginning to the end
Early in 2025, Depp appeared and made a post letting the community know that he was considering shutting it down. He mentioned that the biggest barrier for him at this time was that he was unemployed and didn't have the funds to keep the site running.
I personally helped rally the community and we were able to raise at minimum $5000. There were a few very generous donors who sent him higher amounts, as well a lot of smaller donations. On top of that, many people signed up to pay for a regular subscription to help support the site. This was a huge win!
However, a few days later I received an influx of messages from members who were upset because the chat room had been shut down with no notice. A lot of the most active members were ones who solely spent their time in the chat room. Some of those members were donors who gave their hard earned money to save getDare as they knew it. They felt betrayed.
The problem was, the mods knew nothing about this. Depp made a post saying it was going to be shut down soon, and a few hours later it was gone. Leaving the mods, and myself to deal with upset and angry members. I honestly don't blame them.
Leaving getDare
I was really upset and shared this on our getDare staff discord. I explained that the lack of communication was upsetting and it would have been nice to have a heads up. The community deserved better, the staff deserved better!
At the time, I had pneumonia and almost needed to be admitted to the hospital. I was visiting my doctor daily because my oxygen levels were so low it was getting dangerous. I was SO sick! This was especially upsetting because it was the same week that I was supposed to go on stage to perform a play that I helped write. I had worked so hard, and I didn't know if I was going to be able to go through with it. Everything felt so hard at the time! I mentioned in the staff discord that I might need to take some time to myself to sort out what I wanted to do.
The next time that I logged in to getDare, I realized that I was no longer a mod. Again, no conversation, no acknowledgement, just de-modded. This was so incredibly hurtful after all of the time and energy that I had dedicated to the community. After all this time, I was just thrown out like the trash, like I meant nothing.
A new beginning
Seeing how upset I was, @Inkwarden offered to help me create my own community when I was ready. I had to put a pin in that for a few weeks because I was dealing with so much and needed to mourn the loss of the community that I had called home for years.
However, once I had the chance, I decided that I really did want to! I had imagined my own version of getDare for years, and had even asked Depp a few times if he wanted help keeping things running (with no response). Now was my opportunity.
We spent a few weeks planning, and consulting with others. I wanted to make this site an ode to getDare, keeping all of the best parts, but also improving some of the things that had been a thorn in my side for years. And of course, I wanted to put my own whimsical spin on things. Very quickly, Inkwarden had us up and running! Our soft launch included some personal invites to friends from getDare and other kink communities. Those folks joined us and provided feedback on many different aspects of the site. Once we officially launched, we grew quiet a bit at first. Word was spreading. However, when Depp found out. He banned me, anybody associated with me, anybody who mentioned the word "wonderland" on getDare, and anybody who decided to come join our site.
He also changed my profile name, added a link in my signature to direct people to Kink Talk, and used my account to post things and message other people.
It was never my intent to "steal" people from getDare. I felt that both sites could co-exist and had no ill intent towards Depp or getDare. I even deleted anything negative that was posted here about the owner or site itself. I kept my own issues/story private and made sure not to speak ill towards anybody there. I wanted to stay neutral and not cause any drama. Being officially banned was the last nail in the coffin and I was gone forever.
I was so sad to see people that I cared about, suffering for my actions and so I even reached out to Depp personally to try and resolve any hurt feelings and come to an agreement. He literally just laughed at me. And so, I just focused my time and energy on my little corner of the internet.
Our Community
The growth of the site has slowed down over the past few months. I was dealing with a lot of things that took my attention away from kink. When I wasn't posting daily, activity really slowed down here. However, it was still here, and we were still not giving up on our dream of a lively community.
I am glad now that I had time to mourn the loss of getDare and the community that I had grown with through the years. It allowed me to focus on building this amazing community so that all of you would have a safe, soft place to land when you needed it most.
This truly is a community for all of us. It may have been designed by me, and created by Inkwarden, but it is OURS to grow, nurture and participate in.
The impact of getDare
I found getDare about 15 years ago. I had already been interested in BDSM and had explored with a Dom online, as well as solo play. However, finding getDare is what really started to teach me about kink. It also introduced me to so many wonderful people. In fact, I met my husband, @Mr. Devious on getDare. I also met @Jaro who has been my sub for 9 years! On top of that, I have had the pleasure of meeting so many friends, play partners and mentors. For all of these reasons, getDare has always had a very special place in my heart.
A thankless job
About 10 years ago, I was given the opportunity become a mod, and then years later, an admin. For years, I was one of the only consistently active staff members on getDare. In fact, I trained many of the mods who were currently active. I spent hours and hours each week, unpaid, to make sure that getDare remained a safe space for all. I responded to reports, settled disputes, approved photos, enforced rules, and monitored the forums to make sure that we were keeping out spammers, findoms and underage users. I had to be the "bad guy" a lot of the time in order to remain fair and consistent with enforcing the rules. Rules that I did not put into effect, but that I enforced just the same.
There were times that I was not treated very nicely by the community. I was harassed, abused, and taken for granted over the years. Yet I continued to do what I could to make sure that the community remained intact and a place that was safe for those who were also wanting to learn about kink and have a community to explore.
The owner
Depp is/was the owner of getDare and KinkTalk. It is my understanding that the sites began as a school project for him and it turned into a passion project. He didn't ever expect it to turn into what it was. However, over the years he has lost his passion for the community and had moved on with his life. It became a financial burden at times. Because of this, his lack of communication became a struggle.
If we had a bot attack or needed him to fix something, it could take us days or weeks to track him down.
The beginning to the end
Early in 2025, Depp appeared and made a post letting the community know that he was considering shutting it down. He mentioned that the biggest barrier for him at this time was that he was unemployed and didn't have the funds to keep the site running.
I personally helped rally the community and we were able to raise at minimum $5000. There were a few very generous donors who sent him higher amounts, as well a lot of smaller donations. On top of that, many people signed up to pay for a regular subscription to help support the site. This was a huge win!
However, a few days later I received an influx of messages from members who were upset because the chat room had been shut down with no notice. A lot of the most active members were ones who solely spent their time in the chat room. Some of those members were donors who gave their hard earned money to save getDare as they knew it. They felt betrayed.
The problem was, the mods knew nothing about this. Depp made a post saying it was going to be shut down soon, and a few hours later it was gone. Leaving the mods, and myself to deal with upset and angry members. I honestly don't blame them.
Leaving getDare
I was really upset and shared this on our getDare staff discord. I explained that the lack of communication was upsetting and it would have been nice to have a heads up. The community deserved better, the staff deserved better!
At the time, I had pneumonia and almost needed to be admitted to the hospital. I was visiting my doctor daily because my oxygen levels were so low it was getting dangerous. I was SO sick! This was especially upsetting because it was the same week that I was supposed to go on stage to perform a play that I helped write. I had worked so hard, and I didn't know if I was going to be able to go through with it. Everything felt so hard at the time! I mentioned in the staff discord that I might need to take some time to myself to sort out what I wanted to do.
The next time that I logged in to getDare, I realized that I was no longer a mod. Again, no conversation, no acknowledgement, just de-modded. This was so incredibly hurtful after all of the time and energy that I had dedicated to the community. After all this time, I was just thrown out like the trash, like I meant nothing.
A new beginning
Seeing how upset I was, @Inkwarden offered to help me create my own community when I was ready. I had to put a pin in that for a few weeks because I was dealing with so much and needed to mourn the loss of the community that I had called home for years.
However, once I had the chance, I decided that I really did want to! I had imagined my own version of getDare for years, and had even asked Depp a few times if he wanted help keeping things running (with no response). Now was my opportunity.
We spent a few weeks planning, and consulting with others. I wanted to make this site an ode to getDare, keeping all of the best parts, but also improving some of the things that had been a thorn in my side for years. And of course, I wanted to put my own whimsical spin on things. Very quickly, Inkwarden had us up and running! Our soft launch included some personal invites to friends from getDare and other kink communities. Those folks joined us and provided feedback on many different aspects of the site. Once we officially launched, we grew quiet a bit at first. Word was spreading. However, when Depp found out. He banned me, anybody associated with me, anybody who mentioned the word "wonderland" on getDare, and anybody who decided to come join our site.
He also changed my profile name, added a link in my signature to direct people to Kink Talk, and used my account to post things and message other people.
It was never my intent to "steal" people from getDare. I felt that both sites could co-exist and had no ill intent towards Depp or getDare. I even deleted anything negative that was posted here about the owner or site itself. I kept my own issues/story private and made sure not to speak ill towards anybody there. I wanted to stay neutral and not cause any drama. Being officially banned was the last nail in the coffin and I was gone forever.
I was so sad to see people that I cared about, suffering for my actions and so I even reached out to Depp personally to try and resolve any hurt feelings and come to an agreement. He literally just laughed at me. And so, I just focused my time and energy on my little corner of the internet.
Our Community
The growth of the site has slowed down over the past few months. I was dealing with a lot of things that took my attention away from kink. When I wasn't posting daily, activity really slowed down here. However, it was still here, and we were still not giving up on our dream of a lively community.
I am glad now that I had time to mourn the loss of getDare and the community that I had grown with through the years. It allowed me to focus on building this amazing community so that all of you would have a safe, soft place to land when you needed it most.
This truly is a community for all of us. It may have been designed by me, and created by Inkwarden, but it is OURS to grow, nurture and participate in.
