My complicated relationship with nudity

Nudity is something I have struggled with for a long time. I generally hate being nude, even when I’m alone.

I have had serious body dysmorphia for a long time. I have worked hard to lose a lot of weight (30+lbs) but in the mirror, I still see myself as fat. In my mind, my appearance never changed. I currently wear a S/M but I instinctively reach for X/2X to hide myself.

Additionally, I struggle with psoriasis in multiple areas, that thick scaly rash around my arms and down my abdomen. Before seeing a dermatologist, it objectively looked horrible. I would scratch incessantly leading to bleeding and infection. The plaque skin would come off in large flakes. I felt disgusting. I only wore long sleeves, even in the Texas summers because I could almost feel people staring at me. It’s winter now, my psoriasis is better controlled, not itchy, not infected but the thought of wearing short sleeves in a few months makes me nervous. My skin is permanently discolored with hyperpigmentation and raw, pink spots. I’m sure most people don’t care but it feels like everyone’s eyes are on me.

I still look at myself in the mirror though. I hope one day I can see myself how I truly am and not the ghost of who I was.

 

[Butterfly]

I am so proud of you. I have struggled with the way I look, my body and being naked for my entire life. I am plus size. I have been really trying to work hard to love myself as I am. In 2024 I wore a bikini on vacation. It felt soooo weird but I did it! I definitely felt a bit self conscious and like other people were watching, but I decided that I didn't care. I was having a great time, I was more comfortable with less fabric and the most important thing: I deserve to exist! I still am not really comfortable with being naked, but it is a work in progress.

 

[Cstelle]

Body dysmorphia. Oh yeah. All my life! But. Several years ago I started giving in to my exhibitionist impulses. I didn't want to disgust other people, so instead of flashing people I started taking nude (and risky) selfies. Working on my photos (I like to try to make them as good as possible) my disgust with my body started to fade. Now I again look worse, but that is because I'm getting older and I had a series of medical issues which resulted in changes, but the disgust hasn't come back. (I'm displeased with my body - but I think that has an objective reality.) I also found online communities with exhibitionists - who came in all shapes and conditions. That was very comforting!

 

[deschut]

I've been raised to no really feel that self conscious, but I know quite some people that do - and for many reasons that's a tough situation to deal with. I hope you can get more comfortable and even at some point enjoy it! Can definitely be very fun - but not when it's not giving you good vibes clearly