My complicated relationship with nudity

Nudity is something I have struggled with for a long time. I generally hate being nude, even when I’m alone.

I have had serious body dysmorphia for a long time. I have worked hard to lose a lot of weight (30+lbs) but in the mirror, I still see myself as fat. In my mind, my appearance never changed. I currently wear a S/M but I instinctively reach for X/2X to hide myself.

Additionally, I struggle with psoriasis in multiple areas, that thick scaly rash around my arms and down my abdomen. Before seeing a dermatologist, it objectively looked horrible. I would scratch incessantly leading to bleeding and infection. The plaque skin would come off in large flakes. I felt disgusting. I only wore long sleeves, even in the Texas summers because I could almost feel people staring at me. It’s winter now, my psoriasis is better controlled, not itchy, not infected but the thought of wearing short sleeves in a few months makes me nervous. My skin is permanently discolored with hyperpigmentation and raw, pink spots. I’m sure most people don’t care but it feels like everyone’s eyes are on me.

I still look at myself in the mirror though. I hope one day I can see myself how I truly am and not the ghost of who I was.

 

[Butterfly]

I am so proud of you. I have struggled with the way I look, my body and being naked for my entire life. I am plus size. I have been really trying to work hard to love myself as I am. In 2024 I wore a bikini on vacation. It felt soooo weird but I did it! I definitely felt a bit self conscious and like other people were watching, but I decided that I didn't care. I was having a great time, I was more comfortable with less fabric and the most important thing: I deserve to exist! I still am not really comfortable with being naked, but it is a work in progress.

 

[Cstelle]

Body dysmorphia. Oh yeah. All my life! But. Several years ago I started giving in to my exhibitionist impulses. I didn't want to disgust other people, so instead of flashing people I started taking nude (and risky) selfies. Working on my photos (I like to try to make them as good as possible) my disgust with my body started to fade. Now I again look worse, but that is because I'm getting older and I had a series of medical issues which resulted in changes, but the disgust hasn't come back. (I'm displeased with my body - but I think that has an objective reality.) I also found online communities with exhibitionists - who came in all shapes and conditions. That was very comforting!

 

[deschut]

I've been raised to no really feel that self conscious, but I know quite some people that do - and for many reasons that's a tough situation to deal with. I hope you can get more comfortable and even at some point enjoy it! Can definitely be very fun - but not when it's not giving you good vibes clearly

 

[Pet Ra]

You're perfect the way you are and I'm proud that you had the courage to write about it

I've struggled with my body for a very long time. Too slim, too small breast, nipples too dark (not to mention my labia), the list goes on...
You name it and I found a reason why I don't like it.

But let me tell you, it will become better.
It may take a while, and sometimes you struggle and won't like your body again. Sometimes I still don't like the way I look, but it will become better.

You deserve to be loved

 

[misskubo]

I've never had body dysmorphia so I can't imagine how hard that is for people to endure, they have all my love and support.

I'm pretty sure when I look in the mirror, I at least see myself how I really am.

I still carry the stigma and feelings of not being pretty or slim and from being ginger with the pale skin and uncontrollable frizzy hair and thick glasses from school...

In the years since I've been bigger than I am now and smaller than I am now... It took me years to figure out the frames that best suit the shape of my face and it costs me a lot of money to get prescription lenses that are thin to hide how blind I am.

I work out every other day and more recently I've had my hair dyed dark brown and then blonde and I straighten it most days... But I've gone back to ginger (although a darker, redder shade than my natural color).

I know I'm not conventionally attractive. Most days I'm fine with it, but even in my mid-40's I'm not immune to overhearing snide comments behind my back and they hurt

For me, I can get past it by remembering all the love I have from my husband and friends. Slowly I learned to not be so hard on myself with their support; pretty much as soon as I got my first job I went no contact with my two school "friends"... I made real friends who accepted me for who I was and only joked about my truck, never the way I looked or dressed; in fact they took me shopping and recommended me my first dress, first thong, first pair of shorts that weren't mandatory for a gym class...

If I can have all of that despite the way I look, or feel about the way I look, then I can't be that bad, right? I hope there's people in your life, or that you can find people, that will support you in the same way

 

[GetdareTEO]

A hug for you zeph
I will not ask to see, but I am sure you are beautiful nude
I have not had body dyamorphia myself. But as someone who has both suffered from scalp folliculitis for years, and was also just circumcised as a 32-year-old, due to my foreskin having caused pain when pulled back during erection all my life (causing me to not perform penetration sex yet), I know that having bodily imperfections can be the cause of a lot of insecurity
I’m not a psychiatrist, so I can’t give you professional advice, but what I like to focus on myself whenever I am too unhappy with my body is two things;
1. Your body is not you. Your body is like a mech suit or a vehicle that the real you is driving. And what you really want people around you to care about is the real you what they think about your body and physical appearance is secondary. I think of it as an old car, I try to do maintenance on occasionally, but the most important is, that it still works
2. A bit of a throwback to my own mentioned imperfections - remember that the world is not Instagram, and a lot of people (if not) have bodily imperfections or diseases, that they don’t share. But which secretly makes them insecure to some extent as well. Some just mask it better. Really the same concept as the good old “everybody poops”.

Finally, I want to highlight the inspiring thing you said yourself; “I hope one day I can see myself how I truly am and not the ghost of who I was.”. That is a beautiful attitude, and I hope that for you too I believe that is called acceptance of oneself as one is, and it is the best thing ever! And remember, that while your past made you, it doesn’t define who you have to be going forward. The real you does that. As a rapper from my country said “Life is to be written with scars, so I am not supposed to be clean when I’m leaving from here”. Not about self harm, but about how overcoming hardship is what makes us grow as people
I’m rooting for you!