I know I posted a list of pet peeves about searching for a Dom recently, but I thought I would post this full list of my Pet Peeves that are mostly specific to the online forums and or Kink community (Please note: most of these are from the sub perspective):
1. People who say "you know you love it".
There are very few people who know me well enough to say a statement like this and have it be true. I hate when people get this fantasy in their head that I like something and then impose it on me. For example: I was talking to a Dom who I was going to be on trial with. We had only been chatting for a few days and we started to talk about the possibility of doing tasks at work. I told him that I was not comfortable with that as people might be able to hear me and he said "you know you love it". But I don't. The thought of being caught is not something that I have ever fantasized about. It is not one of my kinks.
2. People who try to convince me to go into denial.
Denial is a limit of mine. I have made this very clear and I also have no problem sharing that fact with people. It is incredibly annoying however, when people who know me well, or people who I have discussed this with before, decide that I need denial. Some will merely suggest it over and over, but others will go so far as to message my Dom and tell him he needs to put me in denial. More than being annoying, it is a violation of my limits and it makes me mad when people don't understand that.
3. Punishments vs. funishments
A punishment is something that is given when you break a rule, or were "bad" in some way. It is not something that you should want. Punishments should be unpleasant and should include things from only your dislikes/hates list. However, I know a lot of people like the fantasy of punishments. When they post a thread asking for a fun punishment, it is called a funishment. What they really want is a hard task. Something that pushes them, something that might be painful, but that ultimately they will enjoy because it is fulfilling their fantasy.
4. Doms who set their subs up for failure in order to punish them.
As I explained in #3, punishments are to be taken seriously. They should only be handed out when really warranted. It is especially frustrating when I see Doms give their subs tasks that are meant to set them up for failure. The goal is to punish their sub because they get off on it. Not only is this unfair, but it can cause your sub emotional distress.
5. Lazy Doms
You have seen them ... the Doms who are constantly posting threads because they can't come up with their own tasks, or the ones who give the same task over and over and OVER (ie. edge 3 times). It can be fun to ask other people for ideas, or have other people be involved in your dynamic, but when your Dom can't up with anything on their own, it is frustrating for the sub, as well as the people who are always being asked.
6. Dependant/Needy people
You will see these people in chat, constantly asking permission for EVERYTHING! I understand the excitement of having somebody control you, it is one of my biggest kinks as a sub, and it is hard to do that when you don't have a partner. So I do understand why this is done, however, when somebody asks for every. little. thing. it gets super annoying.
7. Liars
Whether this is lying about age, sex, gender, role, or completing a task, I just don't understand the need. If somebody doesn't like you for who you are, then why would you want to lie to be with them? If you have to lie about completing a task, then why bother pretending? What are you getting out of it? You are really only cheating yourself and wasting other people's time.
8. No limits.
People who state that they have no limits (with the exception of being in a serious, committed relationship) are a) inexperienced or b) brain dead. Everybody has limits, even if you don't know what they are yet. It would be stupid to put your health, safety and trust in a strangers hands without having any kind of limits. By saying you have no limits, it means you will do ANYTHING that the person asks you to do. The inexperienced people may not expect that somebody would ask them to cut off their penis, but of course, the lovely people of online would jump at the chance to ask somebody to do this. The more experienced people are most likely not planning to complete the task, but rather are just interested in the fantasy of doing an insane task.
9. Task givers who have no regards to safety.
Outside of giving troll tasks to people with no limits etc. there are so many unsafe tasks that I see given out on forums. I believe that each person is responsible for their own health and safety, so hopefully they will stop before putting themselves at risk, however this doesn't always happen. When you give a task, try to think about possible risks and discuss them with your bottom/task receiver. You will never be able to predict or prevent all risks, but at least be mindful of them. And just DON'T give out completely unsafe dares (ie. drink one glass of water every hour and do not pee for 24 hours). Do your research. Communicate. Negotiate.
10. Doms who have unrealistic expectations
Safety aside, I have seen tops who set rules or tasks for their subs that are unattainable and unrealistic for longer periods of times. For example: you must respond to my messages within 5 minutes or you will be punished OR giving a sub 3 hours worth of tasks each day when s/he also works full time and has a social life. The novelty of these things will wear off very quickly. The fantasy of that level of control is fun, but especially in an online dynamic it is unrealistic in most situations. It is one thing to set those things as goals and then adjust them accordingly, but so often I see Doms who are not willing to negotiate.
11. People who tell me what to do.
I have authority issues. This may seem a little ironic since I identify as a sub, however, there are only special people who I grant the pleasure of being able to control me. Those people can tell me what to do under our negotiated terms. However, everybody else can go fuck themselves! That goes for people who try to get me to edge, people who tell me I need a bedtime, or people who tell me not to feed a troll. I hate being told what to do. I am SO stubborn and if you tell me what to do, I will most likely do the opposite just to spite you.
12. "Don't open this"
This kind of ties in with the above. I hate being told what to do, and so if you tell me not to open something, I am going to open it and I will not complete whatever the dare, task or penalty is. Also, it just doesn't make sense to have something called "Don't open this" when you obviously want somebody to open it.
13. Using other people's property for dares or tasks.
This comes down to consent. I see so many people who either ask for dares or give dares that will include using an unsuspecting person's property. Do not give dares that involved using your best friends toothbrush on your clit. Do not ask for dares involving your sisters panties. It is gross, unhygienic and RUDE!
14. To the extreme.
This kind of relates to the no limits and unrealistic expectation ones ... but what I mean is that even if a person is has spelled out their likes/dislikes/limits, and they have mentioned that they are new and wanting to slowly experiment, people will give them dares that are crazy or extreme. They may not be dangerous, but they are pretty advanced for most people. When somebody says they want to experiment with anal, don't make your first task be to wear a plug for 3 days with no breaks.
15. People who want to "beat the brat" out of me.
I have posted a blogs about this previously so I won't elaborate too much, but ... I am a brat. I don't brat to be punished, I brat because it is fun and it is a part of my personality. I choose my partners based on this. I am very upfront about my brattiness when negotiating with a new play partner, but somehow I still end up get people who expect to be able to punish me or "beat the brat" out of me.
16. People who need to tack on extra conditions.
The scenario is this: I tell my sub that he needs to get permission from 3 people in chat in order to be allowed to pee. He goes in and asks if he could please pee. 5 people respond and say that he can, BUT he needs to do something first. If my sub say he will do anything to be allowed, then this isn't a problem. However, if he didn't this annoys me. If it is something small like having to hold it another 10 minutes first, then I may allow it, however, I have had people give conditions such as "you must show me a picture first" or "you may go pee but only outside". This annoys me for a few reasons .. a) he is MY sub and nobody controls him other than me, b) these things may or may not be against his limits and c) we didn't ask for extras. If you don't want to say yes, then don't!
17. People who don't read.
I don't mind answering simple questions from people. "Are you female?", "Do you have a sub?", but it annoys me when people jump in to requesting things from me without knowing at least a bit about me. I am a pretty open person. My profile is filled out in detail, my signature has a lot of useful information, and I have tons of blogs that can be looked at. So when I get a message saying "I would like you to be my Master Sir" it annoys me.
18. People who do not accept "no" for an answer.
This is actually a lot worse than an annoyance. It is NOT OK! No means no and that is all there is to it. No does not mean try and convince me. If I say no, then respect it and move on. Continuing to hound me and trying to negotiate will result in you being kicked or bitten and not in a fun way.
19. People who are rude for no reason.
I know I can be a bitch at times. I can be grumpy and dismissive and rude. However, I do try my best to be nice to other people and help when I can. I get annoyed when I see people snap at others. When somebody tries to give a hug and are told to fuck off, or when they ask a question and are told off, it is off putting and I feel bad for the other person. I understand that everybody has bad days, but I also believe that we don't know what other people are dealing with at any given mind and we should try to be nice to other people.
20. Dick pics!
This one I will just never understand! I am a (mostly) straight female. Does this mean I love seeing dicks? Does this mean that the sight of a dick makes me all wet and quivery? NO!!!!! Keep it in your pants man. I don't want to see that and I think I speak for a lot of girls when I say that they don't want to either. Dicks aren't particularly pretty, and unless I get to fuck or suck that dick, it probably does nothing for me to see it.
I am sure I have more, but these are the things that have come to mind today. I actually think this blog is making me grumpy so I should stop here.
Is there anything I missed? What are your kink/online forum related pet peeves?
1. People who say "you know you love it".
There are very few people who know me well enough to say a statement like this and have it be true. I hate when people get this fantasy in their head that I like something and then impose it on me. For example: I was talking to a Dom who I was going to be on trial with. We had only been chatting for a few days and we started to talk about the possibility of doing tasks at work. I told him that I was not comfortable with that as people might be able to hear me and he said "you know you love it". But I don't. The thought of being caught is not something that I have ever fantasized about. It is not one of my kinks.
2. People who try to convince me to go into denial.
Denial is a limit of mine. I have made this very clear and I also have no problem sharing that fact with people. It is incredibly annoying however, when people who know me well, or people who I have discussed this with before, decide that I need denial. Some will merely suggest it over and over, but others will go so far as to message my Dom and tell him he needs to put me in denial. More than being annoying, it is a violation of my limits and it makes me mad when people don't understand that.
3. Punishments vs. funishments
A punishment is something that is given when you break a rule, or were "bad" in some way. It is not something that you should want. Punishments should be unpleasant and should include things from only your dislikes/hates list. However, I know a lot of people like the fantasy of punishments. When they post a thread asking for a fun punishment, it is called a funishment. What they really want is a hard task. Something that pushes them, something that might be painful, but that ultimately they will enjoy because it is fulfilling their fantasy.
4. Doms who set their subs up for failure in order to punish them.
As I explained in #3, punishments are to be taken seriously. They should only be handed out when really warranted. It is especially frustrating when I see Doms give their subs tasks that are meant to set them up for failure. The goal is to punish their sub because they get off on it. Not only is this unfair, but it can cause your sub emotional distress.
5. Lazy Doms
You have seen them ... the Doms who are constantly posting threads because they can't come up with their own tasks, or the ones who give the same task over and over and OVER (ie. edge 3 times). It can be fun to ask other people for ideas, or have other people be involved in your dynamic, but when your Dom can't up with anything on their own, it is frustrating for the sub, as well as the people who are always being asked.
6. Dependant/Needy people
You will see these people in chat, constantly asking permission for EVERYTHING! I understand the excitement of having somebody control you, it is one of my biggest kinks as a sub, and it is hard to do that when you don't have a partner. So I do understand why this is done, however, when somebody asks for every. little. thing. it gets super annoying.
7. Liars
Whether this is lying about age, sex, gender, role, or completing a task, I just don't understand the need. If somebody doesn't like you for who you are, then why would you want to lie to be with them? If you have to lie about completing a task, then why bother pretending? What are you getting out of it? You are really only cheating yourself and wasting other people's time.
8. No limits.
People who state that they have no limits (with the exception of being in a serious, committed relationship) are a) inexperienced or b) brain dead. Everybody has limits, even if you don't know what they are yet. It would be stupid to put your health, safety and trust in a strangers hands without having any kind of limits. By saying you have no limits, it means you will do ANYTHING that the person asks you to do. The inexperienced people may not expect that somebody would ask them to cut off their penis, but of course, the lovely people of online would jump at the chance to ask somebody to do this. The more experienced people are most likely not planning to complete the task, but rather are just interested in the fantasy of doing an insane task.
9. Task givers who have no regards to safety.
Outside of giving troll tasks to people with no limits etc. there are so many unsafe tasks that I see given out on forums. I believe that each person is responsible for their own health and safety, so hopefully they will stop before putting themselves at risk, however this doesn't always happen. When you give a task, try to think about possible risks and discuss them with your bottom/task receiver. You will never be able to predict or prevent all risks, but at least be mindful of them. And just DON'T give out completely unsafe dares (ie. drink one glass of water every hour and do not pee for 24 hours). Do your research. Communicate. Negotiate.
10. Doms who have unrealistic expectations
Safety aside, I have seen tops who set rules or tasks for their subs that are unattainable and unrealistic for longer periods of times. For example: you must respond to my messages within 5 minutes or you will be punished OR giving a sub 3 hours worth of tasks each day when s/he also works full time and has a social life. The novelty of these things will wear off very quickly. The fantasy of that level of control is fun, but especially in an online dynamic it is unrealistic in most situations. It is one thing to set those things as goals and then adjust them accordingly, but so often I see Doms who are not willing to negotiate.
11. People who tell me what to do.
I have authority issues. This may seem a little ironic since I identify as a sub, however, there are only special people who I grant the pleasure of being able to control me. Those people can tell me what to do under our negotiated terms. However, everybody else can go fuck themselves! That goes for people who try to get me to edge, people who tell me I need a bedtime, or people who tell me not to feed a troll. I hate being told what to do. I am SO stubborn and if you tell me what to do, I will most likely do the opposite just to spite you.
12. "Don't open this"
This kind of ties in with the above. I hate being told what to do, and so if you tell me not to open something, I am going to open it and I will not complete whatever the dare, task or penalty is. Also, it just doesn't make sense to have something called "Don't open this" when you obviously want somebody to open it.
13. Using other people's property for dares or tasks.
This comes down to consent. I see so many people who either ask for dares or give dares that will include using an unsuspecting person's property. Do not give dares that involved using your best friends toothbrush on your clit. Do not ask for dares involving your sisters panties. It is gross, unhygienic and RUDE!
14. To the extreme.
This kind of relates to the no limits and unrealistic expectation ones ... but what I mean is that even if a person is has spelled out their likes/dislikes/limits, and they have mentioned that they are new and wanting to slowly experiment, people will give them dares that are crazy or extreme. They may not be dangerous, but they are pretty advanced for most people. When somebody says they want to experiment with anal, don't make your first task be to wear a plug for 3 days with no breaks.
15. People who want to "beat the brat" out of me.
I have posted a blogs about this previously so I won't elaborate too much, but ... I am a brat. I don't brat to be punished, I brat because it is fun and it is a part of my personality. I choose my partners based on this. I am very upfront about my brattiness when negotiating with a new play partner, but somehow I still end up get people who expect to be able to punish me or "beat the brat" out of me.
16. People who need to tack on extra conditions.
The scenario is this: I tell my sub that he needs to get permission from 3 people in chat in order to be allowed to pee. He goes in and asks if he could please pee. 5 people respond and say that he can, BUT he needs to do something first. If my sub say he will do anything to be allowed, then this isn't a problem. However, if he didn't this annoys me. If it is something small like having to hold it another 10 minutes first, then I may allow it, however, I have had people give conditions such as "you must show me a picture first" or "you may go pee but only outside". This annoys me for a few reasons .. a) he is MY sub and nobody controls him other than me, b) these things may or may not be against his limits and c) we didn't ask for extras. If you don't want to say yes, then don't!
17. People who don't read.
I don't mind answering simple questions from people. "Are you female?", "Do you have a sub?", but it annoys me when people jump in to requesting things from me without knowing at least a bit about me. I am a pretty open person. My profile is filled out in detail, my signature has a lot of useful information, and I have tons of blogs that can be looked at. So when I get a message saying "I would like you to be my Master Sir" it annoys me.
18. People who do not accept "no" for an answer.
This is actually a lot worse than an annoyance. It is NOT OK! No means no and that is all there is to it. No does not mean try and convince me. If I say no, then respect it and move on. Continuing to hound me and trying to negotiate will result in you being kicked or bitten and not in a fun way.
19. People who are rude for no reason.
I know I can be a bitch at times. I can be grumpy and dismissive and rude. However, I do try my best to be nice to other people and help when I can. I get annoyed when I see people snap at others. When somebody tries to give a hug and are told to fuck off, or when they ask a question and are told off, it is off putting and I feel bad for the other person. I understand that everybody has bad days, but I also believe that we don't know what other people are dealing with at any given mind and we should try to be nice to other people.
20. Dick pics!
This one I will just never understand! I am a (mostly) straight female. Does this mean I love seeing dicks? Does this mean that the sight of a dick makes me all wet and quivery? NO!!!!! Keep it in your pants man. I don't want to see that and I think I speak for a lot of girls when I say that they don't want to either. Dicks aren't particularly pretty, and unless I get to fuck or suck that dick, it probably does nothing for me to see it.
I am sure I have more, but these are the things that have come to mind today. I actually think this blog is making me grumpy so I should stop here.
Is there anything I missed? What are your kink/online forum related pet peeves?
