Before reading, please note that this is not a lifestyle that I would advise others to seek and it is not for the faint of heart. If you feel yourself wanting to give safety advice or to convince me to change my lifestyle, please keep the comments to yourself and move on with your day.
For starters I have been in the kink community for over 20 years. This is not something recent, nor something that was decided on lightly. Over the years I have pushed myself further and further, always seeking the next thrill, or to push past previous limits. I started early on believing I was a masochist, and I still use that tittle for the sake of simplicity, but I do not derive pleasure from pain and suffering. I get my 'enjoyment' from obedience and servitude. Pain has always been a way to show just how deep my dedication and obedience goes. It took years of not understanding it myself and meeting some lovely sadists online to grasp this.
Through lost of education and introspection I decided to turn my fierce and feral desire to obey into a lifestyle. This lead to many things, one which was my perspective on gender and identity. I slowly started to feel less like either of the binary fully define how I felt and that it would shift based on what I was engaging in. That is where the name MuttSow came from. I tend to feel slightly more masculine when engaging in pup play, and a bit more feminine when engaging in piggy play, but when I am hyper focusing on a task that revolves around suffering neither really apply. That last one really became a strong identity for me. I feel like I am engaging in my purpose when I suffer for someone, cause it gives me the fulfillment that I am obeying. This started to extend beyond just tasks bit by bit and slowly evolved into what it is today.
In my signature you can see that my last orgasm was a very long time ago, but the training and progression to that started much earlier. When I finally decided to seek suffering and pain over pleasure and enjoyment, I slowly started to weed those out. I went down to weekly, then monthly, every other month, every 6 months, yearly, and then finally none. Cumming obviously isn't the only pleasure or enjoyment in life, but it felt really good to have removed it. From there I started to pay attention to tasks and see which ones I feel like I could turn into regular rules. Little things that most take for granted, like furniture, dishes, flavors, being bipedal. Now, none of those have stuck to being 100% of the time, but I try to employ them when I can and when it is logical. For instance, I have a blanket and pillow on the floor that I use way more often then my bed, but if my back is acting up I will sleep in the bed so that I will be more useful to others in the morning. Another that is unfortunately illogical for humans is to be on all fours all the time. Our backs are just not designed to be in that position for to prolonged period of time, regardless of how much one might practice.
This is where the Discord community I am in and GD of old come into place. Those places allowed me to find individuals who not only accepted this, but would help encourage me to pursue it further. My tasks quickly started to get flipped on their head. It soon became that rewards equaled agony and punishments meant having to go without. It thrills me how normal and natural that is for me and the sadists I play with nowadays. If you read over my New Years blog you would have seen this implemented. I had to do sets of hits at a certain pace and if I was to slow sets would be removed, and if I was ahead of pace I got more added on. I even have a few kinky friends IRL who have begun to indulge in this for me as well. When they see me, instead of a hug, I get slapped across the face or punted between the legs, or something similar. If we watch a movie I am always the one getting refills and missing out on bits of it. At dinner they eat first and give me their leftovers. It has been such a wild and wonderful journey.
So if you ever see me around or want to make my day better, just add a bit of suffering to it. As a last note I do want to say that just because I seek suffering and for it to be a regular part of my life, that does not mean I enjoy it. I do not get any gratification from the tasks as I do them. There is no sexual enjoyment or moments of euphoria or ecstasy amidst the pain. Most of the time it is hellish and I want to beg for it to end... but the next day when I look back on how well I behaved and how good I was, I can not help but smile and glow, getting all eager to obey again. Hearing or reading the words good boy/girl/pet/pig/pup/toy after someone reads my report just send wonderful shivers down my spine.
For starters I have been in the kink community for over 20 years. This is not something recent, nor something that was decided on lightly. Over the years I have pushed myself further and further, always seeking the next thrill, or to push past previous limits. I started early on believing I was a masochist, and I still use that tittle for the sake of simplicity, but I do not derive pleasure from pain and suffering. I get my 'enjoyment' from obedience and servitude. Pain has always been a way to show just how deep my dedication and obedience goes. It took years of not understanding it myself and meeting some lovely sadists online to grasp this.
Through lost of education and introspection I decided to turn my fierce and feral desire to obey into a lifestyle. This lead to many things, one which was my perspective on gender and identity. I slowly started to feel less like either of the binary fully define how I felt and that it would shift based on what I was engaging in. That is where the name MuttSow came from. I tend to feel slightly more masculine when engaging in pup play, and a bit more feminine when engaging in piggy play, but when I am hyper focusing on a task that revolves around suffering neither really apply. That last one really became a strong identity for me. I feel like I am engaging in my purpose when I suffer for someone, cause it gives me the fulfillment that I am obeying. This started to extend beyond just tasks bit by bit and slowly evolved into what it is today.
In my signature you can see that my last orgasm was a very long time ago, but the training and progression to that started much earlier. When I finally decided to seek suffering and pain over pleasure and enjoyment, I slowly started to weed those out. I went down to weekly, then monthly, every other month, every 6 months, yearly, and then finally none. Cumming obviously isn't the only pleasure or enjoyment in life, but it felt really good to have removed it. From there I started to pay attention to tasks and see which ones I feel like I could turn into regular rules. Little things that most take for granted, like furniture, dishes, flavors, being bipedal. Now, none of those have stuck to being 100% of the time, but I try to employ them when I can and when it is logical. For instance, I have a blanket and pillow on the floor that I use way more often then my bed, but if my back is acting up I will sleep in the bed so that I will be more useful to others in the morning. Another that is unfortunately illogical for humans is to be on all fours all the time. Our backs are just not designed to be in that position for to prolonged period of time, regardless of how much one might practice.
This is where the Discord community I am in and GD of old come into place. Those places allowed me to find individuals who not only accepted this, but would help encourage me to pursue it further. My tasks quickly started to get flipped on their head. It soon became that rewards equaled agony and punishments meant having to go without. It thrills me how normal and natural that is for me and the sadists I play with nowadays. If you read over my New Years blog you would have seen this implemented. I had to do sets of hits at a certain pace and if I was to slow sets would be removed, and if I was ahead of pace I got more added on. I even have a few kinky friends IRL who have begun to indulge in this for me as well. When they see me, instead of a hug, I get slapped across the face or punted between the legs, or something similar. If we watch a movie I am always the one getting refills and missing out on bits of it. At dinner they eat first and give me their leftovers. It has been such a wild and wonderful journey.
So if you ever see me around or want to make my day better, just add a bit of suffering to it. As a last note I do want to say that just because I seek suffering and for it to be a regular part of my life, that does not mean I enjoy it. I do not get any gratification from the tasks as I do them. There is no sexual enjoyment or moments of euphoria or ecstasy amidst the pain. Most of the time it is hellish and I want to beg for it to end... but the next day when I look back on how well I behaved and how good I was, I can not help but smile and glow, getting all eager to obey again. Hearing or reading the words good boy/girl/pet/pig/pup/toy after someone reads my report just send wonderful shivers down my spine.
