Humiliation kink and the girls who crave it

I have no particular idea where this will go, it's simply my thoughts and ramblings on the subject. Please feel free to comment, add your own thoughts and ideas.

Jumping straight into the meat of the matter, why is this a kink at all? Why do some girls love being humiliated, degraded and insulted and why do some of us enjoy subjecting them to it? It's weird because this came to me after many years of bdsm and bondage kink, it wasn't something I used to enjoy. I actual used to find it slightly disturbing and a bit distasteful, but somewhere along the way I suddenly realised I was enjoying it.

I think it was something I absorbed somehow, I had quite a few masochistic subs who really loved it and begged me to embarrass, humiliate and degrade them during our play sessions. I could see the very really want in their eyes, they clearly craved it deeply. So deeply they were actually disappointed if I skipped it.

And to complicate things I actually really love chubby, chunky, big, fleshy, meaty girls. Big boobs, big butts, chunky thighs, cellulite, stretchmarks are all a plus for me. So calling someone a fat, flabby piggy isn't actually an insult, it's what I want. Confused yet? I sure am.

Most, if not all really loved body writing too. Graphically embellishing their curvy flesh with nasty words to express their desires, and this turns me on so much. I see the fiery look in their eyes, they get so horny it's insane, the merest touch can make them cum. Why?

Why indeed.

But then why do we like anything, chocolate, watching the sunrise, the smell of freshly cut grass? We are complicated animals...

 

[Gothswitch]

I know what you mean. I'm a little diffident about engaging in verbal humiliation, as to me, they're all goddesses, regardless of whether they're on their knees for me, or vice versa. They're consenting playmates, and I'm forever grateful for their participation.

Perhaps it's because I'm not busting to hear from anyone else that I could do with shifting some of that Christmas weight -I'm quite well aware that January is a time for food discipline, and drawing attention to my love handles isn't high on my agenda.

 

[SilkAndSour]

I think it also primarily depends on who says those humiliating or degrading words to me.. if it would be some rando on the street, id probably take it very direct and flip out. But if my dom/Master would tell me "you are a whore meat" i would probably melt and crave for more.

Body writing, same thing - you cant see it always, but you know its there and it makes you feel special, especially mentally.

 

[saltychip]

I think it also primarily depends on who says those humiliating or degrading words to me.. if it would be some rando on the street, id probably take it very direct and flip out. But if my dom/Master would tell me "you are a whore meat" i would probably melt and crave for more.

Body writing, same thing - you cant see it always, but you know its there and it makes you feel special, especially mentally.

I get what you're saying. I used to be so confused about it too, between what would make me melt and what would turn me off. It very much comes down to who is saying it and how I look at them. There's some people who can say whore to me and I laugh at them, but coming from my dom? My brain melts into my panties and I can no longer function. I think there's a right way to use humiliation and has everything to do with who is using it and what your relationship is to them.

 

[nastyfkr]

They're consenting playmates, and I'm forever grateful for their participation.

This is such a good point, I feel just the same. I have immense respect for all the subs I play with which is where the mental conflict I have comes from I guess. And now I think that being able to put humiliation into the context of play sessions is the key. As both @saltychip and @SilkAndSour mention it totally changes the meaning and effect of the words.

 

[saltychip]

This is such a good point, I feel just the same. I have immense respect for all the subs I play with which is where the mental conflict I have comes from I guess. And now I think that being able to put humiliation into the context of play sessions is the key. As both @saltychip and @SilkAndSour mention it totally changes the meaning and effect of the words.

Absolutely. @Butterfly actually wrote a blog about using derogatory words and how they can change meaning from who uses them. It's a good read if you haven't read it and gives a bit more insight to how a subs mind works in regards to the word. I personally can't be called certain words during play due to them being triggering from an abusive ex long ago, but from the right person, those words mean differently.

 

[Davidoff]

I love humiliation in kink, both receiving and giving. I've done a lot of soul searching lately and I have made some discoveries. I'm sure they won't apply to all, but I've seen similar situations in myself and play partners.

One part of it for me is growing up in my childhood home with a father who humiliated me. He teased, made fun, copied things I did that he didn't like. I've learned that he's a narcissist. Being teased and humiliated in a way feels bad, yet familiar and safe. It's complicated. When girlfriends tease me about something or older male coworkers poke a little fun at me now, it makes me feel good. Accepted. Because it's how I got accepted as a child. And in kink it makes me feel seen and cared for in a way. It reminds me of being young, I think. And while poking fun isn't really nice, it's still nice to feel like being home. Like I said, complicated.
And when you wanted to be accepted as a son, you had to tease others too. Poking fun at a sibling got you temporary attention from the narcissist. So I have literally been conditioned to humiliate.

I see a lot of play partners with humiliation kinks who come from the same background. Not enough attention and/or narcissistic parents. Girls with traumas. Girls who want to be seen, appreciated for what they do, how low they'll put themselves to please someine in charge.

Again, I'm sure it doesn't work that way for everyone. I'm also reminded of a girl who desperately wanted to be degraded, and she told me everyone always treats her like a Princess. A blonde, hot young girl that always gets men to treat her likea goddess. She was sick of it. She wanted to be low and pathetic for me. I never felt bad about it. I gave her exactly what she needed. And afterwards I'd reassure her, give aftercare, tell her it's all just kink and play. I do that with all play partners.

I've had play partners ask me to degrade them for their bodies. I'm not fond of that part, so I don't do that. I like humiliating wonen for what they do, their slutty actions, being slutty and pathetic. I've never cared much for calling someone fat or ugly, nor have I wanted to be humiliated in that way. I do sometimes comment on big "udders" or "teats" but that is about all. During degrading kink play, I actually comment on how much I love what they do for me, how low they get, or how beautiful they look doing it, or just admiring their body. Burning someone down completely doesn't do it for me. I like to build someone up while making them feel slutty.

Such a delicious kink. It makes me smile as I type, thinking of girls who went the extra mile to be real pathetic for my pleasure, or women who know how to tease and humiliate me just right with their words. It may be rooted in trauma for me, but I think I'm turning that trauma into something real nice that feels wholesome and pleasurable for both sides.

 

[SilkAndSour]

I love humiliation in kink, both receiving and giving. I've done a lot of soul searching lately and I have made some discoveries. I'm sure they won't apply to all, but I've seen similar situations in myself and play partners.

One part of it for me is growing up in my childhood home with a father who humiliated me. He teased, made fun, copied things I did that he didn't like. I've learned that he's a narcissist. Being teased and humiliated in a way feels bad, yet familiar and safe. It's complicated. When girlfriends tease me about something or older male coworkers poke a little fun at me now, it makes me feel good. Accepted. Because it's how I got accepted as a child. And in kink it makes me feel seen and cared for in a way. It reminds me of being young, I think. And while poking fun isn't really nice, it's still nice to feel like being home. Like I said, complicated.
And when you wanted to be accepted as a son, you had to tease others too. Poking fun at a sibling got you temporary attention from the narcissist. So I have literally been conditioned to humiliate.

I see a lot of play partners with humiliation kinks who come from the same background. Not enough attention and/or narcissistic parents. Girls with traumas. Girls who want to be seen, appreciated for what they do, how low they'll put themselves to please someine in charge.

Again, I'm sure it doesn't work that way for everyone. I'm also reminded of a girl who desperately wanted to be degraded, and she told me everyone always treats her like a Princess. A blonde, hot young girl that always gets men to treat her likea goddess. She was sick of it. She wanted to be low and pathetic for me. I never felt bad about it. I gave her exactly what she needed. And afterwards I'd reassure her, give aftercare, tell her it's all just kink and play. I do that with all play partners.

I've had play partners ask me to degrade them for their bodies. I'm not fond of that part, so I don't do that. I like humiliating wonen for what they do, their slutty actions, being slutty and pathetic. I've never cared much for calling someone fat or ugly, nor have I wanted to be humiliated in that way. I do sometimes comment on big "udders" or "teats" but that is about all. During degrading kink play, I actually comment on how much I love what they do for me, how low they get, or how beautiful they look doing it, or just admiring their body. Burning someone down completely doesn't do it for me. I like to build someone up while making them feel slutty.

Such a delicious kink. It makes me smile as I type, thinking of girls who went the extra mile to be real pathetic for my pleasure, or women who know how to tease and humiliate me just right with their words. It may be rooted in trauma for me, but I think I'm turning that trauma into something real nice that feels wholesome and pleasurable for both sides.

You explained it really well. Im also someone who went through many storms of emotions and abuse as a kid, bullying in school, drunk dad and stepfather.. but the older i got it made me realise that the degradation and humiliation that i felt as a kid, helps me build my character better as an adult.

I get more self-confident in myself and my body, although i dont like it at all - but both degradation and humilation, make me feel seen, especially by myself. I have problems to connect with people often, especially doms, since im still learning about myself and probably because of the abuse i experienced as a kid, but still i learned so much with the help of others in the past few months that im just grateful to have found a community who understands - no matter how big or small

 

[Davidoff]

You explained it really well. Im also someone who went through many storms of emotions and abuse as a kid, bullying in school, drunk dad and stepfather.. but the older i got it made me realise that the degradation and humiliation that i felt as a kid, helps me build my character better as an adult.

I get more self-confident in myself and my body, although i dont like it at all - but both degradation and humilation, make me feel seen, especially by myself. I have problems to connect with people often, especially doms, since im still learning about myself and probably because of the abuse i experienced as a kid, but still i learned so much with the help of others in the past few months that im just grateful to have found a community who understands - no matter how big or small

I'm sorry about your past experiences, yet I'm happy to read that you know yourself so well. It's so important to see yourself for who you are even more than to be seen by others. I feel like I only understand how I operate, what makes me me, at 41 years now. It's wonderful to grow and rise above past experienced. I think you're doing very well with that too from what I just read and I'm proud of you for it.

To indulge in kink, enjoy a bit of humiliation or being humiliated, just to get that fix is pretty harmless in the whole grand scheme of things.
It actually helps to sort of relive the past, but now feel in control through safewords, aftercare ane safe partners.

 

[saltychip]

I love humiliation in kink, both receiving and giving. I've done a lot of soul searching lately and I have made some discoveries. I'm sure they won't apply to all, but I've seen similar situations in myself and play partners.

One part of it for me is growing up in my childhood home with a father who humiliated me. He teased, made fun, copied things I did that he didn't like. I've learned that he's a narcissist. Being teased and humiliated in a way feels bad, yet familiar and safe. It's complicated. When girlfriends tease me about something or older male coworkers poke a little fun at me now, it makes me feel good. Accepted. Because it's how I got accepted as a child. And in kink it makes me feel seen and cared for in a way. It reminds me of being young, I think. And while poking fun isn't really nice, it's still nice to feel like being home. Like I said, complicated.
And when you wanted to be accepted as a son, you had to tease others too. Poking fun at a sibling got you temporary attention from the narcissist. So I have literally been conditioned to humiliate.

I see a lot of play partners with humiliation kinks who come from the same background. Not enough attention and/or narcissistic parents. Girls with traumas. Girls who want to be seen, appreciated for what they do, how low they'll put themselves to please someine in charge.

Again, I'm sure it doesn't work that way for everyone. I'm also reminded of a girl who desperately wanted to be degraded, and she told me everyone always treats her like a Princess. A blonde, hot young girl that always gets men to treat her likea goddess. She was sick of it. She wanted to be low and pathetic for me. I never felt bad about it. I gave her exactly what she needed. And afterwards I'd reassure her, give aftercare, tell her it's all just kink and play. I do that with all play partners.

I've had play partners ask me to degrade them for their bodies. I'm not fond of that part, so I don't do that. I like humiliating wonen for what they do, their slutty actions, being slutty and pathetic. I've never cared much for calling someone fat or ugly, nor have I wanted to be humiliated in that way. I do sometimes comment on big "udders" or "teats" but that is about all. During degrading kink play, I actually comment on how much I love what they do for me, how low they get, or how beautiful they look doing it, or just admiring their body. Burning someone down completely doesn't do it for me. I like to build someone up while making them feel slutty.

Such a delicious kink. It makes me smile as I type, thinking of girls who went the extra mile to be real pathetic for my pleasure, or women who know how to tease and humiliate me just right with their words. It may be rooted in trauma for me, but I think I'm turning that trauma into something real nice that feels wholesome and pleasurable for both sides.

I can understand this, especially after my abusive ex. I found it hard to connect with others after he destroyed so much of who I was mentally. I was always more submissive in my teens and this probably played more into the situation than I care to admit. I didn't have the confidence yet to tell him to fuck off like I so often can do now. Humiliation and degradation helps me feel more like I am in control than when I was all those years ago. The same could be said for CNC (inquire within if you want that explanation). Being called names would often bring such a negative feeling to them that I learned to cope by learning to accept them in a different way. Now, the only name that truly still bothers me is bitch, and its really only during play that makes it an instant end of session kinda thing. Now, I know I am being called these things because I want them and I like them and I have the power to say no, which is such a big thing when you felt you didn't have that ability in the past.

 

[Davidoff]

I can understand this, especially after my abusive ex. I found it hard to connect with others after he destroyed so much of who I was mentally. I was always more submissive in my teens and this probably played more into the situation than I care to admit. I didn't have the confidence yet to tell him to fuck off like I so often can do now. Humiliation and degradation helps me feel more like I am in control than when I was all those years ago. The same could be said for CNC (inquire within if you want that explanation). Being called names would often bring such a negative feeling to them that I learned to cope by learning to accept them in a different way. Now, the only name that truly still bothers me is bitch, and its really only during play that makes it an instant end of session kinda thing. Now, I know I am being called these things because I want them and I like them and I have the power to say no, which is such a big thing when you felt you didn't have that ability in the past.

I understand exactly what you mean. In kink you do get that control. As a submissive, you get to feel safe in that experience.
I'm sorry you had to deal with such a bad situation in the past, and I'm glad you got to put that behind you.
Overcoming it makes you stronger now than you've ever been, I'm sure. I hope you see your own strength.

 

[Rainy13]

I can understand this, especially after my abusive ex. I found it hard to connect with others after he destroyed so much of who I was mentally. I was always more submissive in my teens and this probably played more into the situation than I care to admit. I didn't have the confidence yet to tell him to fuck off like I so often can do now. Humiliation and degradation helps me feel more like I am in control than when I was all those years ago. The same could be said for CNC (inquire within if you want that explanation). Being called names would often bring such a negative feeling to them that I learned to cope by learning to accept them in a different way. Now, the only name that truly still bothers me is bitch, and its really only during play that makes it an instant end of session kinda thing. Now, I know I am being called these things because I want them and I like them and I have the power to say no, which is such a big thing when you felt you didn't have that ability in the past.

I can relate too all this (and the previous posts) - very similar background growing up and prev. Relationships.

I think one thing that I don’t think has been said (though maybe has but I missed it with a tired brain) - is insults and degredation/humiliation feels safer than compliments. I’m used to insults etc I feel safer with those identities because that’s generally my feelings about myself - I’m so uncomfortable with any compliments because I’m terrified I’ve now convinced them of a lie and shortly they’ll realise the truth and that’s so scary.
I don’t engage with body based comments though as I’m sure anyone who’s listened to my silly ramblings know my body and food is not a safe area for comments/ or to be involved with kink or indulging the degredation/humiliation play.

I think when you’ve only know being told all the ways you’re not worth anything and you fail at meeting expectations - the idea someone thinks you’re any good in any level is naturally terrifying because you’re certain you’ll let them down. And as mentioned above it’s a way to control and re experience negative feelings.

I often debate myself about why I want this and genuinely want to feel bad and be ‘broken’ for my Sir - and I think it comes down to this is safe - I know this - I can’t disappoint if I’m just suppose to be a worthless toy. But it’s certainly murky and I think natural for all to question the need for it and the fact it’s enjoyable to do this - but I also think as long as it’s done between two people for have the same wants and agreement - what’s the harm?


I have to say however, whilst this is a big part of my submissive kink, and Deschut does a wonderful job indulging and enjoying it with me - in the time he has been my Sir I think I am the most confident I’ve been in life - still probably not confident compared to an average person - but definitely new territory of a self esteem - weird huh? (He does put a lot of care into beging supportive outside of play but weirdly I’ve never wanted to run away from him for that which has been my usual trick historically)

 

[nastyfkr]

I think when you’ve only know being told all the ways you’re not worth anything and you fail at meeting expectations - the idea someone thinks you’re any good in any level is naturally terrifying because you’re certain you’ll let them down.

I've gotta say I had never really thought of this or heard it articulated in this way but it does make sense. You also mentioned how certain classes of degradation such as weight/food/body can be unacceptable, several others have mentioned similar no-go subjects and this also makes a lot of sense.
This is why I feel it's so important to educate the degraders to understand how this all works. All too often I've seen posts from someone who wants to be humiliated/degraded and people jump right in with any and all the insults they can muster and then wonder why the original poster doesn't reply.
Like many/most kinks there is no "one size fits all" and why establishing communication and understanding first is so critical.

 

[saltychip]

I can relate too all this (and the previous posts) - very similar background growing up and prev. Relationships.

I think one thing that I don’t think has been said (though maybe has but I missed it with a tired brain) - is insults and degredation/humiliation feels safer than compliments. I’m used to insults etc I feel safer with those identities because that’s generally my feelings about myself - I’m so uncomfortable with any compliments because I’m terrified I’ve now convinced them of a lie and shortly they’ll realise the truth and that’s so scary.
I don’t engage with body based comments though as I’m sure anyone who’s listened to my silly ramblings know my body and food is not a safe area for comments/ or to be involved with kink or indulging the degredation/humiliation play.

I think when you’ve only know being told all the ways you’re not worth anything and you fail at meeting expectations - the idea someone thinks you’re any good in any level is naturally terrifying because you’re certain you’ll let them down. And as mentioned above it’s a way to control and re experience negative feelings.

I often debate myself about why I want this and genuinely want to feel bad and be ‘broken’ for my Sir - and I think it comes down to this is safe - I know this - I can’t disappoint if I’m just suppose to be a worthless toy. But it’s certainly murky and I think natural for all to question the need for it and the fact it’s enjoyable to do this - but I also think as long as it’s done between two people for have the same wants and agreement - what’s the harm?


I have to say however, whilst this is a big part of my submissive kink, and Deschut does a wonderful job indulging and enjoying it with me - in the time he has been my Sir I think I am the most confident I’ve been in life - still probably not confident compared to an average person - but definitely new territory of a self esteem - weird huh? (He does put a lot of care into beging supportive outside of play but weirdly I’ve never wanted to run away from him for that which has been my usual trick historically)

This makes so much sense to me as well. It's like after growing up hearing about all the ways you don't meet expectations, it becomes like something you expect to hear, want to hear. Compliments become so foreign that when you do hear them, you can't help but wonder and think, why are they saying this? what are they trying to get from me? after years and years of relationships just piling on the negative comments you're buried under so much it's hard to find you way out of the hole. I once compared it to digging in the sand, its a fragile hole that only takes one person to come crashing into your life to fill that hole right back up and start the process all over again, and if you don't do it quickly enough, it will suffocate you slowly.

A few people have recently made comments about my lack of ability to accept compliments, one even saying I should be required to compliment myself every day. But that's so very hard to do when you feel much better hearing how much of a pathetic whore you are. But on the other side of this, I also find that I can accept so many more compliments from dom/mes, past and present as opposed to just normal compliments from peers, family, or friends. It's like being told you're pathetic in one breath, but admiring your competency and intelligence in the next is so much more heart warming and accepting. Nothing beats that panty soaking "you're a dirty whore" while you're humping a desk, and in the next breath being told what a good girl, etc. you are and being made to repeat said compliments.

I've spent a decent amount of time wondering why, and it always comes down to that I choose to make myself vulnerable to this person and allow them to say things to me I typically would shut down with anyone else. With that vulnerability comes the ability to accept what they really think past what I want to hear. In the start of my journey into my submissive life I had some pretty terrible dom/me's. Now I'm more selective in who I choose and find myself drifting towards the ones who mix that degrading into compliments and praise. Which is so confusing, but not at the same time.

 

[nastyfkr]

Now I'm more selective in who I choose and find myself drifting towards the ones who mix that degrading into compliments and praise. Which is so confusing, but not at the same time.

This is the crux of successful humiliation/degradation d/s relationships I think, finding the balance.
But it varies how this manifests in the relationships I've had and have. For instance I have one sub who loves being my piggy, doing nasty degrading things for me but who also revels in being praised as my good piggy. She soaks up the humiliating instructions and comments and beams with pleasure when I compliment how well she did. I also always try to include a debrief, winddown, aftercare period as the sessions can sometimes get quite intense and she needs to be calmed.
This mixing of degradation with praise, while not intuitive to outsiders, becomes a natural part of the relationship and simply feels right. And ultimately shows our strange way of showing care and respect.

 

[Gothswitch]

I've had play partners ask me to degrade them for their bodies. I'm not fond of that part, so I don't do that. I like humiliating wonen for what they do, their slutty actions, being slutty and pathetic. I've never cared much for calling someone fat or ugly, nor have I wanted to be humiliated in that way. I do sometimes comment on big "udders" or "teats" but that is about all. During degrading kink play, I actually comment on how much I love what they do for me, how low they get, or how beautiful they look doing it, or just admiring their body. Burning someone down completely doesn't do it for me. I like to build someone up while making them feel slutty.

Absolutely! I really struggle with the fat-shaming or other insults, as it just feels so mean...and anything but erotic.

But to "criticise" an overly slutty bra, or too short a skirt...oh, bring it on. You will feel the sharp edge of my tongue.

 

[Butterfly]

I like to have my subs fill out a list of degrading and humiliating names. They can mark them as green (yes please), red (no!) or yellow (proceed with caution). It gives a good basis for getting into their head and seeing where their trigger points might be.

 

[MissEvelyn2000]

As a trans girl, I find that degredation in the form of being called slutty or a whore or a bitch can be really affirming.

If it was body shaming or calling me masculine at all it would repulse me and I'd be uncomfortable with it, but being insulted and degraded in what is societally perceived as a "feminine" way makes me feel more comfortable in myself and more secure in my identity. Having that standard applied (however misogynistic it unfortunately probably is) is so psychologically gratifying and makes me feel so much safer