Hard limits vs. soft limits

[Butterfly]

What’s your definition of a “hard limit” vs. a “soft limit”? How do you distinguish the two?
Have any of your soft limits ever shifted into hard limits — or vice versa? What changed?
Have you ever felt pressure (internal or external) to soften a hard limit? How did you navigate that?
How often do you revisit and re-evaluate your limits, especially in evolving dynamics?

Can you share some examples of your hard v. soft limits?

 

[The Brat Princess]

What’s your definition of a “hard limit” vs. a “soft limit”? How do you distinguish the two?

Hard limit - Something that is not to be requested at anytime. Something a person is not willing to do or discuss doing, blanket no.
Soft limit - Something that is not to be requested, but can be asked for. Once asked it could be a yes or could be a no. Many things could put something in this category. But I find it is mostly for me at least a level of trust. The things in there I am ok to do with someone I trust at times I accept. But not just anyone.

Have any of your soft limits ever shifted into hard limits — or vice versa? What changed?

Not that I remember, but soft limits have gone to likes or dislikes as I became more comfortable with doing them. Or things I have gotten more selective about moved to soft limits. Mood and what I have received would be the biggest influence on that.

Have you ever felt pressure (internal or external) to soften a hard limit? How did you navigate that?

No, I would be disappointed if anyone ever did so. I have had someone joke that one would move. But pressure no.

How often do you revisit and re-evaluate your limits, especially in evolving dynamics?

Yes. I will look over them every so often to ensure they all still fit. Usually nothing changes, but can happen.

Can you share some examples of your hard v. soft limits?

I can yes

Hard: Public hard because I can not guarantee I will not be seen by someone who did not consent to seeing that. I personally refuse to risk that ever.
Soft: Diapers Soft because while I can enjoy doing stuff with that, It is extremely mood dependent and also I am particular on how, so I prefer to trust the person and be able to discuss with them the hows and how nots. Gives me a level of control of its use.

 

[MessyAshy]

What’s your definition of a “hard limit” vs. a “soft limit”? How do you distinguish the two?

I would say a hard limit is never ever ever not even once, and a soft limit is more "with the right partner in the right conditions I would be open to maybe building up towards trying it". And I don't distinguish. I show my limits as just limits, and that's it.

Have any of your soft limits ever shifted into hard limits — or vice versa? What changed?

Yeah, things evolve, things shift as new perspectives are gained. Needles used to be a hard limit until I witnessed a medical staple demonstration and realized skin deep penetration doesn't trigger my needle aversion, for example.

Have you ever felt pressure (internal or external) to soften a hard limit? How did you navigate that?

Nope.

How often do you revisit and re-evaluate your limits, especially in evolving dynamics?

Constantly, it's always a game of 'how do I feel at this moment and why?' Both us and our environment are in a perpetual process of change, we can not stop that. As such, to stay comfortable is to question what is comfort in this time, rather than clinging to what used to be comfortable in the past without acknowledging any temporal fluctuation.

Can you share some examples of your hard v. soft limits?

Hard: Illegal. I am not going to jail for anyone. On top of that, laws have a reason, to protect the public. Violating them risks bringing undue harm to innocent bystanders, or myself. Even in the event that laws become about oppression rather than protection, I would be fighting and violating them for moral reasons, not as part of some kinky game.

Soft: Let's go with needles again, top of mind tip of tongue. If I ever gain a connection and trusting relationship with someone who is skilled in the ways of needle play, I'd give it a go. But just myself, or some rando I just met, no fucking way.

 

[snoek]

What’s your definition of a “hard limit” vs. a “soft limit”? How do you distinguish the two?

I think for me the difference between a hard and a soft limit is that a hard limit I will just not do period. And a soft limit is something I might try when the situation is perfect for it, but not out of nowhere with anyone.

Have any of your soft limits ever shifted into hard limits — or vice versa? What changed?

Not that I can remember, I have don't jinks I never thought I'd do, like pee drinking, but it also wasn't something I had actually written down as a soft limit.

Have you ever felt pressure (internal or external) to soften a hard limit? How did you navigate that?

Not that I can remember, I am very lucky to have almost exclusively positive experiences, and good communication. I never really felt any pressure to change my limits around. At least that j remember.

How often do you revisit and re-evaluate your limits, especially in evolving dynamics?

In think Princess any my communication is just pretty good, so if i feel anything needs to be takjes about incan do so.

Can you share some examples of your hard v. soft limits?

A hard limit of mine is scat, will not do, in any way, ever. It is something that just goes beyond what i will do. As is illegal and permanent harm. It's just a no.

A soft limit in a way is cam I think, it's definitely something I didn't think I would do, and still wouldn't with anyone else then princess, but with a person I fully trust, I apparently quite like it... It still gets me going quite tomatoy tho...

 

[jay_hom21]

What’s your definition of a “hard limit” vs. a “soft limit”? How do you distinguish the two?
I would say that I hard limit is something I will never do no matter what, whereas a soft limit would be something I would consider doing in the right situation if I trust the person enough and I feel in the right mood for it.

Have any of your soft limits ever shifted into hard limits — or vice versa? What changed?
The only thing I can think of is photos with no face - all photos used to be a hard limit for me but I've started to become more comfortable sending photos as long as they don't have my face in so I'd say that's now a soft limit.

Have you ever felt pressure (internal or external) to soften a hard limit? How did you navigate that?
Not really, I have had almost completely positive experiences luckily where people have respected my boundaries and limits.

How often do you revisit and re-evaluate your limits, especially in evolving dynamics?
It's a constant thing really, sometimes it might be that I've tried something out and I really don't like it so move it to a soft or hard limit or that I've ended up trying something from my soft limits and its not been as bad as I thought it would be so I've moved it out of my limits all together. This doesn't happen that often but I am constantly looking over them and making sure they fit correctly.

Can you share some examples of your hard v. soft limits?
A hard limit for me would be something like public exposure or permanent damage because I'm just not willing to risk something like that personally because of how much harm it could cause if it went wrong.
I think I'd consider something like photo proof a soft limit (as I talked about above) - it has to be someone I can trust and the photo can't contain anything particularly identifying but other than that, if it's the right circumstances, I'm happy to do it.