My biggest kink is control. All forms of it really. I However, I really do think that there is one for that stands above the rest for me: bladder/bathroom control. To me, it is more powerful than orgasm control. If I give up my orgasms to somebody, I can just decide that I don't/want an orgasm. I can choose not to ask. I can wait it out. I still have a choice. BUT when it comes to going pee, your body betrays you. Going pee is a guarantee. I can try to hold out, but eventually my body is going to release, regardless if I want to, or if I have been given permission. That is so powerful!
This leads me to my current biggest fantasy: being told I’m not allowed to go and being forced to wet myself.
In my mind, it plays out in a few different ways, but the main idea is always the same: I’m told to hold it. I ask. I’m denied. I try again. Still no. Over and over, until my body eventually decides for me.
It’s the tension, the build-up, the loss of control at the end.
Doesn't that sound so. fucking. hot??????
SO FUCKING HOT!
As much as I want to experience this, there are some barriers for me.
The first and most important, is finding the right person to do this with. This is not an easy fantasy for me. It isn't casual. This is something that is going to push some of my boundaries/limits and I really do need to feel safe, secure and happy.
So, what are those boundaries/limits?
Messy
I absolutely hate being messy. I make my husband scoop my ice cream for me so that I don't get sticky. I wear a bib when I eat soup so that I don't make a mess. I hate going to the beach because I hate the sand getting all over me. I am a princess and I don't want to be messy, dirty, sticky, stinky etc. So if I have peed my pants, all of those things are happening and I think I would honestly hate it!
Humiliation
To me, humiliation is being blushy or embarassed. This is something that turns me on. However, when I am embarassed, I just want to hide. I shut down a bit and freeze and just want to do whatever I can to get out of it. This is going to be a big one for me. Fighting against that instinct and not getting overwhelmed.
Degradation
Degradation to me is feeling "less than". Being put in a situation where I am not allowed to use a toilet, tickles this limit of mine. I think it would be very important for my partner to use encouraging words and not berate me or make me feel like I am dirty, or an animal etc.
Baby Steps
Knowing all of those things listed above, it is a situation that is going to be very difficult for me. BUT being pushed into something that I would normally not do, or that I don't enjoy is SO HOT! It is such a turn on and I really do want to experience this if the right person comes along to help me.
Being the over thinker that I am, I have thought about this a lot. A lot, a lot, a lot! I think I have some ideas for some baby steps to take to get me to where I want this fantasy to go:
* While under bladder control requirements, being told to hold it, longer and longer until I feel like I am so close to losing control and then being told I go.
* Having to sit on the toilet when I am getting close and then being told to hold it until I can't and I pee involuntarily.
* Same as above, but while wearing panties.
* Having to stand in the shower when I am getting close and then being told to hold it until I can't and I pee involuntarily.
* Same as above, but while wearing panties.
* Being made to pour water on my panties or pants and then being forced to stay in it for a length of time.
* Being forced to wet but doing so with nobody seeing or hearing or knowing.
I am sure there are plenty of other ways to help me get used to the messy, humiliation. I am sure that whenever that trusted partner comes along, he will have some ideas of his own as well. This is something that I will need to take seriously, slowly and safely. It will include a lot of discussion and require a lot of encouragement. But I am so excited to experience this journey one day.
This leads me to my current biggest fantasy: being told I’m not allowed to go and being forced to wet myself.
In my mind, it plays out in a few different ways, but the main idea is always the same: I’m told to hold it. I ask. I’m denied. I try again. Still no. Over and over, until my body eventually decides for me.
It’s the tension, the build-up, the loss of control at the end.
Doesn't that sound so. fucking. hot??????
SO FUCKING HOT!
As much as I want to experience this, there are some barriers for me.
The first and most important, is finding the right person to do this with. This is not an easy fantasy for me. It isn't casual. This is something that is going to push some of my boundaries/limits and I really do need to feel safe, secure and happy.
So, what are those boundaries/limits?
Messy
I absolutely hate being messy. I make my husband scoop my ice cream for me so that I don't get sticky. I wear a bib when I eat soup so that I don't make a mess. I hate going to the beach because I hate the sand getting all over me. I am a princess and I don't want to be messy, dirty, sticky, stinky etc. So if I have peed my pants, all of those things are happening and I think I would honestly hate it!
Humiliation
To me, humiliation is being blushy or embarassed. This is something that turns me on. However, when I am embarassed, I just want to hide. I shut down a bit and freeze and just want to do whatever I can to get out of it. This is going to be a big one for me. Fighting against that instinct and not getting overwhelmed.
Degradation
Degradation to me is feeling "less than". Being put in a situation where I am not allowed to use a toilet, tickles this limit of mine. I think it would be very important for my partner to use encouraging words and not berate me or make me feel like I am dirty, or an animal etc.
Baby Steps
Knowing all of those things listed above, it is a situation that is going to be very difficult for me. BUT being pushed into something that I would normally not do, or that I don't enjoy is SO HOT! It is such a turn on and I really do want to experience this if the right person comes along to help me.
Being the over thinker that I am, I have thought about this a lot. A lot, a lot, a lot! I think I have some ideas for some baby steps to take to get me to where I want this fantasy to go:
* While under bladder control requirements, being told to hold it, longer and longer until I feel like I am so close to losing control and then being told I go.
* Having to sit on the toilet when I am getting close and then being told to hold it until I can't and I pee involuntarily.
* Same as above, but while wearing panties.
* Having to stand in the shower when I am getting close and then being told to hold it until I can't and I pee involuntarily.
* Same as above, but while wearing panties.
* Being made to pour water on my panties or pants and then being forced to stay in it for a length of time.
* Being forced to wet but doing so with nobody seeing or hearing or knowing.
I am sure there are plenty of other ways to help me get used to the messy, humiliation. I am sure that whenever that trusted partner comes along, he will have some ideas of his own as well. This is something that I will need to take seriously, slowly and safely. It will include a lot of discussion and require a lot of encouragement. But I am so excited to experience this journey one day.