Events... Scare Me.
It’s such a strange thing to admit, but kink events scare me.
I think part of it comes from my relationship dynamics—one of my partners is long-distance, and the other isn’t open about being kinky. Meanwhile, I’m a pretty open person. I don’t necessarily talk about kink with my vanilla friends, but I don’t shy away from it either. So why do events make me so nervous? Maybe it’s the unknown?
I’ve been to a few kink events—things like poly speed dating and munches. The speed dating one was actually pretty fun. I felt a little out of place, but overall it was a good experience. They had colour-coded wristbands to indicate what you were into and what you were looking for. It was organized, but still a little intimidating.
I think the core of it is that I often don’t know anyone there. I know a few people in the local scene, but when I show up alone, it feels like I’ve missed the first three seasons of a show and I’m suddenly a new character in season four. Everyone else seems to know the plot already. People are friendly, and I know it’s not intentional—but that feeling of being on the outside is hard to shake. It makes it really difficult for me to relax and enjoy myself.
Maybe if I went to more events, it would get easier. Maybe I just need to break out of my shell. But right now, something about it just puts me on edge.
Workshops... Feel Different?
Interestingly, workshops don’t feel nearly as scary.
Okay—I’ve only been to one, and I had to leave early due to something urgent, but the vibe was completely different. Workshops feel structured. There’s a shared understanding that everyone is there to learn. Maybe someone is brand new and someone else is a seasoned expert, but you’re all starting from a common point of curiosity.
A rope workshop? Cool—everyone’s there because they want to learn about rope. That creates this unspoken connection. It doesn’t feel like a clique. It doesn’t feel like you're dropping into season four. It feels more like a brand-new season of Survivor—you might all have different strengths, but you’re beginning the journey together.
Overthinking? Maybe.
Maybe I just overthink these things.
I remember sitting in my car for 15 minutes before my first poly event, debating whether or not to go in. It felt overwhelming. Looking back, it seems a little ridiculous—but that’s just how my brain works.
I’m a very analytical person. In my professional life, I’ll spend hours dissecting a mistake, rewriting entire sections of something to make sure it doesn’t happen again. That mindset has served me well at work. But maybe it bleeds into my social life more than it should. Or maybe... that’s just who I am.
And maybe learning to live with that is part of my own journey, too.
