Dom confidence

[Anonymous (2a6a)]

As a Dom, how do you navigate moments where you're unsure or second-guessing yourself mid-scene? I take pride in leading with confidence, but sometimes I overthink—especially when trying something new with a sub I really care about. How do you balance being in control with being human?

 

[Anonymous (b2f8)]

As a Dom, how do you navigate moments where you're unsure or second-guessing yourself mid-scene? I take pride in leading with confidence, but sometimes I overthink—especially when trying something new with a sub I really care about. How do you balance being in control with being human?

I think it's really important to discuss a scene with your sub beforehand. It doesn't have to be the day before or anything but I know when subbing with someone we have discussed things I really want to try before hand. Sometimes I'm surprised by something and there have been things I didn't like and things I have. Usually though when something new is being introduced it's one thing and everything else is stuff we have done before. This ways It's been much easier for my Dom to see how I like that thing and feel how I'm doing.

Safe words. Safe words are just that. They are there so you know if it's too much for your sub they will use them. Obviously you never want to have a sub use a safeword if you can avoid it but there is a reason they exist and something everyone should always have during play. Lean into the control and if a word is used just be ready to slowdown or stop depending on the word. You are both there to have a good time from each perspective. I have had to yellow before when something was new and I really didn't like it. I didn't want the scene to stop I wanted to keep going but that new thing was just something I couldn't deal with or was too much so I yellowed. We continued to play after but those words as a Dom should help you feel in control and help with the confidence to lead.

 

[Anonymous (6b3b)]

That depends on what I am doing. For something like rope, where the confidence is in my own technical ability, if I lose confidence mid scene, I undo the tie I was working on, then either restart it, or switch to something I know I can do.

For times where the confidence issue is more in how the bottom is handling things, like an impact scene, I will pause to check in. If they're reaction does not restore confidence, I end the scene.

When I do new things, it is almost never in the context of a scene, but rather more of a workshop environment, where the goal is for me and/or my partner to get experience doing a thing. Since we are both in a learning headspace here, there is a lot more room to safely make mistakes.