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Difficult Reveal

  • Thread starter Thread starter Anonymous (c107)
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Anonymous (c107)

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So, here's the situation. I (41 yr old) am going to be starting HRT / GAHT soon. Only a few close friends know. Well, now you know. But you don't know who I am. (Except the admins... 😨) How do I know? Have I done therapy yet? Nope! My state has "informed consent" and there's a website that you can subscribe to that will manage your HRT treatment and provide that informed consent. Not listing it here in case that gets me dinged. And not important to the overall topic. Any who... I will subscribe to there next month AFTER my parents have visited and left. And then you got to do the video call with them and get set up for blood work and all that wonderful stuff. So, I probably won't actually BE on HRT until sometime in June. And I'm going to schedule for therapy in August, hopefully.

But, why I am posting this is... I don't know how (or when) to reveal to family. And no, I don't live by them. But, I already know my mom does not agree with Gender Affirming Care. (I'm not going to dive into THAT here as I don't want this to start any political comments.) My dad would have a difficult time, but would accept it. Of this, I'm pretty sure. He's mellowed out a LOT since I was a kid. One brother and his wife would have the "WTF" attitude. The other brother, I think, would at least pretend to be OK with it. His wife, whom I don't talk to, would definitely be very opinionated. But, I don't care what she thinks. Some of my cousins would be OK with it. Don't know on the rest. My nieces... I honestly don't know how they would take it. I think the oldest would be OK, though she might find it weird.

In regards to friends, the ones I told all have been 100% supportive. One of my closer friends I am reluctant to tell because I don't think she'd take it well. She was very upset when her son transitioned years ago because she felt that she was "losing her son". She had 2 daughters and, for some reason, it was important for her to have a son. And now... Nope. So, I don't think she'd take it too well about my transitioning. Especially given that she and I dated for a short bit years ago. There are lots of friends. Some I feel would be perfectly OK, but I'm only slowly telling people.

So, now that all of *THAT* is out of the way... How would you go about telling family when you are fairly certain some of them would react badly? Also, at what point would you tell them? I'm considering on waiting until the changes from HRT are full on obvious. Not like they'd know since they don't see me, but at that point I'd be forced to admit at work and I *KNOW* some of my direct coworkers are not entirely OK with transitioning. And, since I'm going to be working on training my voice, I'll end up using the new voice over the phone any way. Eventually.

... I think I rambled a bit. I'm sorry...
 
Honestly, I feel like it is your life. I know they are your family and them not supporting you is going to hurt, but you know what will hurt more? not being you! Will them not supporting your decision change your mind? You can't control the way other people feel or how they react. You can only be you and give people the opportunity to show up for you.

That being said, I would wait until you start the process and know what the timeline is going to look like for you. Then it will seem more like a "for your information" conversation rather than a discussion or asking for permission.

I would honestly tell them just like you would if you were coming out as Gay or Bi etc. I would sit them down and tell them. If that is too hard, I would write a heartfelt letter and let them read it while on the phone with you or while together with you in person.

I support you and you are welcome here! I hope they can do the same, but if they can't, just know that is a them problem and has nothing to do with who you are.
 
I second Butterfly: it's your life and a "them" problem. It may sounds difficult, but once you've thrown the bad persons from your life, your live enhances itself almost instantly.
I can relate as I cut all ropes between my younger sister and me as she was toxic now 3 or 4 years ago.
So, it's doable. You can, and you should as you only have one life to fulfill.
If they can't with their own, don't let them drag you down.
cheers!
 
Ugh... So, haven't started the HRT yet (I'll be enrolling next month). I've already had multiple people ask me if I am female on here. I'm not quite ready to be saying to everyone "I am female!" I know, it's online. But, I know that a lot will change once I start HRT. Currently, I feel torn. I don't feel like I can claim to be female yet; emotions will become more expansive once on HRT, for one. But, I don't want to tell people "I'm not yet, but working on it".

It feels like I'd be lying to people if I answer and say I am, but I don't want people to associate this profile with my (hopefully "soon" to be) past self. If you know what I mean. But feels rude to always just ignore when people send me a whisper. Life can be confusing and difficult and I know it's going to get even more so once I start GAHT / HRT. :(
 
I feel like you can just tell people you identify as trans. You are MtF. You don't have to ever go on HRT to identify as trans. But just do what feels comfortable to you. Don't overthink it.
 
I agree with all that has already been said.

I can tell you that I was very much aware that I would be burning the bridge to one entire side of my family when I came out as it wasnt the first time I attempted transition and the first time ended with conversion theropy from that side. So I knew the outcome before I did it. However as Butterfly has rightly said it was far worse not to. I personally didnt tell them anything. I spoke with my father and friends and that went well. But my mothers side I said nothing, just transitioned and when they became aware it did indeed burn that bridge perminantly. That was well over 7 years ago and I wouldnt change a thing. The conversaions will feel a lot no matter how you approch them, but trans people are far more visable now and so hopefully it will be a bit easier with not having to explain as much. No matter what it sounds like you do have supportive people around you and that is really good.

I hope things go well for you and you can be comfortable in yourself. I am also always happy to chat if you ever felt you wanted to ;) best of luck.
 
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