Alone

I can be surrounded by people and still feel alone.

I am always the strong one.
The caretaker.
The giver of love.
The one who remembers, who holds it all together.
Being “the better person” has become my norm.

Somewhere along the way I learned that my time is less valuable, that my needs can wait, that my presence should be quiet
and I should be grateful for scraps of attention.

I’m good at masking the loneliness.
So good.
A practiced smile, steady hands,
doing what needs to be done without letting the ache leak out.

I pack my feelings into a box and put it to the side. So that I’m not a burden, so that I don’t ask for too much, so that I don’t ask at all.

Connections stay surface-level, small talk skimming the water while I drown underneath it.

I crave my soulmate; the one who can see the depth, the emotion, the parts of me that ache to be known.

I don’t want to be strong anymore.
I want to be held. I want to be comforted.
I want to be chosen without having to earn it.

I am broken.
Just waiting for someone who knows how to look past the smile on my face, who wants to know me, value me, love me!

Make me feel not alone.