AIO Negotiations

[Anonymous (afa7)]

I think I know how this will be answered at least I know how I would. I still have the niggle that I could be wrong though. So I put it to you. Am I overreacting?

I was given a task by someone I have had uncomfortable feelings about before and this is why I am a little unsure if my judgment is tainted by the past or not. Reading through the task I felt as though it was not going to be possible for me to do it. As there is a punishment (unknown) liked to failer I raised this wory with the giver. I didn't spacifically say I was attempting to negotiate this but felt that would be clear from me saying I did not see it as possible. While I did get a response saying it could be changed it included a mocking statement of my inability to do the task. This felt all types of wrong to me and made me feel mocked in a bad way. I feel as though negotiations are not a place for mockery and sould always be based on the ability of the person doing the task that should be the bar to judge by, sure pushing a little but should always be set to the ability of the one doing it. I feel that it shouldnt matter if the giver feels that they could do better or not it is not about thier abilitys and even so mocking should not be in negotiations as it undermines the negotiations. But like was added there is past experiance there that could be tainting my view.

Thank you all

 

[Anonymous (5e05)]

I would say the negotiations need to be negotiated on, in this case. Because some people like that bit of teasing, but others prefer that any and all negotiations, no matter how major or minor, even in the middle of a scene, happen on a level playing field between equals. And that too is something that needs to be negotiated.

It is sometimes overlooked that even if we speak the same language, we often communicate differently. What is acceptable for one is hurtful to the other. And it has nothing to do with being too sensitive or too weak, you are allowed to be bothered by certain things. And you are allowed to ask those around you to respect your sensitivities, or cut them out of your life if they refuse to do so.

But at the end of the day, the way we communicate also needs to be communicated about.

 

[Anonymous (afa7)]

I apreachiate the feedback and do agree. Negotiations clearly need to continue but wanted other opinions before doing so. You make a valid point about some liking that type of thing, I feel like that should be more opt in than opt out though. The damage from not mocking someone in negatioations is they tell you the would prefer you did, the damage of mocking someone who dosn't like it is you could do actual pyscological harm. I feel as though that is reason enough for it to be opt in. I feel this is even more valid as they are simply giving a task. They and I have not interacted on that level before and so they would not know my abilities.

You are right that clearly this miscomunication needs to be adressed before anything can go forward, I guess I am just ery upset and hurt by the judgment from someone I feel had no right to do so at a time I felt it was inapropriate. But I am very greatful for your view thank you.

 

[Butterfly]

I think I know how this will be answered at least I know how I would. I still have the niggle that I could be wrong though. So I put it to you. Am I overreacting?

I was given a task by someone I have had uncomfortable feelings about before and this is why I am a little unsure if my judgment is tainted by the past or not. Reading through the task I felt as though it was not going to be possible for me to do it. As there is a punishment (unknown) liked to failer I raised this wory with the giver. I didn't spacifically say I was attempting to negotiate this but felt that would be clear from me saying I did not see it as possible. While I did get a response saying it could be changed it included a mocking statement of my inability to do the task. This felt all types of wrong to me and made me feel mocked in a bad way. I feel as though negotiations are not a place for mockery and sould always be based on the ability of the person doing the task that should be the bar to judge by, sure pushing a little but should always be set to the ability of the one doing it. I feel that it shouldnt matter if the giver feels that they could do better or not it is not about thier abilitys and even so mocking should not be in negotiations as it undermines the negotiations. But like was added there is past experiance there that could be tainting my view.

Thank you all

Does the giver have the same view of the experience of your previous interaction? This could make a big difference.

Overall, I want you to know that your feelings are valid. I would probably feel pretty similar.
However, I do think that if you are casually playing with somebody, you need to communicate even more than normal. If it was just a task given on the forum, a safeword might not be in place, but the universal kink community safeword is RED and I think saying that could indicate to them that you aren't just being playful or bratty. Especially if this person thinks that you have played successfully before, they might feel like they know you enough to playfully mock you.

I think you need to be very firm with your boundaries if you plan to continue to interact with this person.

But I also need to say that if you do not have any kind of play agreement, then you don't have to even negotiate with that person. If I receive a task from somebody that I know I can't do, I will just write that in my report and will take the liberty to alter it to fit within my limits and abilities. You owe them nothing.

I hope this helps

 

[Anonymous (afa7)]

Hounestly I am not sure how they think past interactions have gone. I hae been uncomfortable to the point of just minamising comunication. But I realise now how that could complicate things.

Past experiance has been purely talk, not play. This is why it caught me by suprise so much, they have no experiance of my abilities to make such a judgement. Also I have no issue with imposible tasks if that waas the aim but feel that it is harsh to punish if the task was ment to be failed. This task has come as a result of a person above situation. They would not have been a first choice for play because of past experiances. I apprechiate both the support and advice thank you. I do think being firm about the boundries is a great start to settle things if that dousent work adapting it is a very resonable suggestion. But proberbly is a good idea to set the boundries clearly to begin and see if that helps.

 

[Anonymous (3394)]

I feel that it is extra acceptable in that type of situation to not even negotiate with them and rather just make the changes that you need for your situation and then report back.

As I said you owe them nothing. Do what you need to do.