Anytime that I post an ad, I make sure to let people know that video calls and videos are a limit of mine. I know that it can be a huge dealbreaker for a lot of people and I completely understand that. That is why I like to be upfront with people about it.
So I thought I would take some time to explain why video is a limit for me.
About 11 years ago, I was living with my fiancé. Things weren't going super well to be honest. I had been unhappy for almost a year and had tried to communicate that to him. I am very clear with my wants and needs and was very specific in my communication with him. Anyways ... I guess he started to think that I was cheating on him and so he started to spy on me in different ways. He looked through my phone records, looked at my computer history, emails, mail, etc. When that uncovered nothing, he put cameras in our bedroom and bathroom.
I didn't find this out until we were already breaking up. One day I found a program on his computer that had footage of me in those private spaces for 6 months! I felt so incredibly violated. There was nothing for him to see. I wasn't cheating on him. But he had videos of me showering, pooping, peeing, changing, masturbating, us having sex, me walking around naked, and all kinds of things that I did over a 6 month period of time.
My privacy was taken away. My dignity was ripped away from me.
I am glad that I found the videos and I was able to delete them, but who knows if there were copies.
Since then, I have struggled with being on camera ever.
After years of therapy, I have made some strides in the last few years. I have been on video calls with my partners, mostly in a vanilla way. I have cum on video, but only showing my face. I have also taken a few videos of my just playing with my nipples. But it is few and far between that I do this, and it takes a LOT for me to work myself up to be able to do these things.
Recently I had a set back when I was staying in a partners bedroom. He had a security camera for legit reasons. I had not realized that it was turned on the entire time I was staying with him. When I found out, this was incredibly triggering for me and I it has set back my some of the progress that I have made.
Even going on video for work has been difficult for me, and I have had to discuss with my boss. Thankfully she is very flexible and is ok with me keeping my video off at times.
This limit is something that I continue to work on, but it is not something that I am willing to commit to with any partners. I cannot guarantee that I will ever be comfortable going on cam or taking videos. If it happens, yay for the bonus! But I just don't know how I will feel about it.
So for now this remains firmly in my hard limits and I will decide if, when and how I might want to push that boundary.
So I thought I would take some time to explain why video is a limit for me.
About 11 years ago, I was living with my fiancé. Things weren't going super well to be honest. I had been unhappy for almost a year and had tried to communicate that to him. I am very clear with my wants and needs and was very specific in my communication with him. Anyways ... I guess he started to think that I was cheating on him and so he started to spy on me in different ways. He looked through my phone records, looked at my computer history, emails, mail, etc. When that uncovered nothing, he put cameras in our bedroom and bathroom.
I didn't find this out until we were already breaking up. One day I found a program on his computer that had footage of me in those private spaces for 6 months! I felt so incredibly violated. There was nothing for him to see. I wasn't cheating on him. But he had videos of me showering, pooping, peeing, changing, masturbating, us having sex, me walking around naked, and all kinds of things that I did over a 6 month period of time.
My privacy was taken away. My dignity was ripped away from me.
I am glad that I found the videos and I was able to delete them, but who knows if there were copies.
Since then, I have struggled with being on camera ever.
After years of therapy, I have made some strides in the last few years. I have been on video calls with my partners, mostly in a vanilla way. I have cum on video, but only showing my face. I have also taken a few videos of my just playing with my nipples. But it is few and far between that I do this, and it takes a LOT for me to work myself up to be able to do these things.
Recently I had a set back when I was staying in a partners bedroom. He had a security camera for legit reasons. I had not realized that it was turned on the entire time I was staying with him. When I found out, this was incredibly triggering for me and I it has set back my some of the progress that I have made.
Even going on video for work has been difficult for me, and I have had to discuss with my boss. Thankfully she is very flexible and is ok with me keeping my video off at times.
This limit is something that I continue to work on, but it is not something that I am willing to commit to with any partners. I cannot guarantee that I will ever be comfortable going on cam or taking videos. If it happens, yay for the bonus! But I just don't know how I will feel about it.
So for now this remains firmly in my hard limits and I will decide if, when and how I might want to push that boundary.
