When people get to know me, and they learn that I have a kinky husband. A husband that I met through a kink forum, a husband who was once my Dom, they always wonder - why isn't he my Dom now? What happened?
In short my answer is that Mr. Devious loves me too much. I know that sounds silly. Mr. Devious is a wonderful Dom, but the love and the life that we share prevent him from being the best fit for me as a Dom.
Let me explain a little better ...
Finding time
When Mr. Devious and I first met, we lived 3500 km away from each other. We spent a year dating and "kinking" long distance with each other. Most of our conversations happened through text and on the phone. LONG phone calls and lots of late night play sessions. Everything was new and exciting and our priority was making time for each other - to make the relationship work (long distance is hard!!!).
When I made the move to live with Mr. Devious, our priorities changed. We had to acclimate to being a "real" couple. We had to settle into a routine. I had to find a job and friends. Our lives became busier as we enjoyed spending time with each other. Though we still had playtime, a lot of the times, it was easier to just be comfortable and relax together. We fell into a pattern of Netflix and (actually) chill. I am not complaining! I love having somebody to cuddle and hang out with in my PJs. But neither of us having motivation to play, was an obstacle to a dynamic.
Holding me accountable
Having rules and structure outside of the bedroom is super important to me. Control is my biggest kink and I thrive on a small list of rules to be held to and then random acts of control thrown at me throughout my day/week. However, as Mr. Devious and I grew comfortable, even as we set a list of rules, it was easy for us to forget about them.
Another obstacle was if I did forget about a rule (or if Mr. Devious stopped checking, so I stopped engaging the rule), then all I needed to do was use my super cute voice or give a little pout and Mr. Devious would give in. I am his Butterfly and he doesn't want to upset me. He adores me and I usually get what I want. This makes me super happy most of the time, but of course that is a problem when it comes to a D/s relationship.
Making me hurt
Mr. Devious can definitely have a sadistic streak but he struggles with making me hurt. He loves me, he adores me, he worries about me. He does everything he can NOT to hurt me. I am not a masochist by any means, but I have learned to enjoy some forms of pain and it is something that I definitely want to explore more of. I also have learned that I need pain in order to go into subspace.
Pushing me outside of my comfort zone
As a sub (and a person), I believe that we should constantly be exploring and pushing ourselves in order to continue to grow. In order to do this, we need to be pushed outside our comfort zone. Just as Mr. Devious doesn't want to see me in physical pain, he struggles with putting me in situations that cause me mental anguish.
Our kinks don't quiet match
Mr. Devious loves some mild degradation and orgasm denial. Both of these things are huge hates/limits of mine. On the other hand, I have an interest in exploring gags (and I require somebody who can really push me into it) and Mr. Devious doesn't have much interest in it at all. Those are just a few off the top of my head, but Mr. Devious and I have interests that just don't line up and that's totally ok.
Health and Life Stuff
I am not going to go into details here, but over the last 5 years, Mr. Devious and I have been *through it*! Both of us have had health concerns that have either made us not want to have any sex or kink time at all, or that have actually prevented us from being able to. On top of that, when you are feeling sick, it's hard to want to put the little energy that you have into planning kinky time. So all of that has been a huge obstacle for us.
Because of all of these reasons, we decided that it is best for me to look for another Dom to quench the submissive craving inside me. This is not something new for us, we made this decision almost 8 years ago now, and it has continued to evolve over time. Mr. Devious has been happily exploring his Dom side with Rure for almost six years. Of course we still love each other. We have a very healthy and happy marriage.
This is what works for us!
In short my answer is that Mr. Devious loves me too much. I know that sounds silly. Mr. Devious is a wonderful Dom, but the love and the life that we share prevent him from being the best fit for me as a Dom.
Let me explain a little better ...
Finding time
When Mr. Devious and I first met, we lived 3500 km away from each other. We spent a year dating and "kinking" long distance with each other. Most of our conversations happened through text and on the phone. LONG phone calls and lots of late night play sessions. Everything was new and exciting and our priority was making time for each other - to make the relationship work (long distance is hard!!!).
When I made the move to live with Mr. Devious, our priorities changed. We had to acclimate to being a "real" couple. We had to settle into a routine. I had to find a job and friends. Our lives became busier as we enjoyed spending time with each other. Though we still had playtime, a lot of the times, it was easier to just be comfortable and relax together. We fell into a pattern of Netflix and (actually) chill. I am not complaining! I love having somebody to cuddle and hang out with in my PJs. But neither of us having motivation to play, was an obstacle to a dynamic.
Holding me accountable
Having rules and structure outside of the bedroom is super important to me. Control is my biggest kink and I thrive on a small list of rules to be held to and then random acts of control thrown at me throughout my day/week. However, as Mr. Devious and I grew comfortable, even as we set a list of rules, it was easy for us to forget about them.
Another obstacle was if I did forget about a rule (or if Mr. Devious stopped checking, so I stopped engaging the rule), then all I needed to do was use my super cute voice or give a little pout and Mr. Devious would give in. I am his Butterfly and he doesn't want to upset me. He adores me and I usually get what I want. This makes me super happy most of the time, but of course that is a problem when it comes to a D/s relationship.
Making me hurt
Mr. Devious can definitely have a sadistic streak but he struggles with making me hurt. He loves me, he adores me, he worries about me. He does everything he can NOT to hurt me. I am not a masochist by any means, but I have learned to enjoy some forms of pain and it is something that I definitely want to explore more of. I also have learned that I need pain in order to go into subspace.
Pushing me outside of my comfort zone
As a sub (and a person), I believe that we should constantly be exploring and pushing ourselves in order to continue to grow. In order to do this, we need to be pushed outside our comfort zone. Just as Mr. Devious doesn't want to see me in physical pain, he struggles with putting me in situations that cause me mental anguish.
Our kinks don't quiet match
Mr. Devious loves some mild degradation and orgasm denial. Both of these things are huge hates/limits of mine. On the other hand, I have an interest in exploring gags (and I require somebody who can really push me into it) and Mr. Devious doesn't have much interest in it at all. Those are just a few off the top of my head, but Mr. Devious and I have interests that just don't line up and that's totally ok.
Health and Life Stuff
I am not going to go into details here, but over the last 5 years, Mr. Devious and I have been *through it*! Both of us have had health concerns that have either made us not want to have any sex or kink time at all, or that have actually prevented us from being able to. On top of that, when you are feeling sick, it's hard to want to put the little energy that you have into planning kinky time. So all of that has been a huge obstacle for us.
Because of all of these reasons, we decided that it is best for me to look for another Dom to quench the submissive craving inside me. This is not something new for us, we made this decision almost 8 years ago now, and it has continued to evolve over time. Mr. Devious has been happily exploring his Dom side with Rure for almost six years. Of course we still love each other. We have a very healthy and happy marriage.
This is what works for us!