Where to safe word (pain tolerance)

[Pluky]

I was thinking about how much pain is too much, and I feel like between where a Sub is totally vibing and the pain feels just right, and the point where it clearly needs to stop and becomes more or less unbearable, there's a bit of a grey zone where the Sub isn't enjoying the sensation anymore, it's a bit much to take, but we can still take it, and probably still enjoy the mental aspects (the submission, the sadism, the surrender, etc) surrounding it.

These phases are basically like :
1- mmm that feels good (not wanting to stop)
2- please Sir I can't (wanting to stop but still willing to leave that decision between Sir's hands)
3- safe word (wanting/needing to stop period)

Ideally should a Sub always try to power throw that grey zone, and really reserve that safe word for the last stage of that pain tolerance spectrum ? Is there something like a vague BDSM consensus where a good Sub should be trusted with not abusing the use of a safe word, and actually using it for when it feels really needed ?


Where do you draw the line for yourself ? Do you feel like in order for the whole thing to work, you need to really play along and surrender and keep that safe word as a last resort ?

 

[picaboo]

So i will start with saying there is no real over abuse of a safe word in my mind. If you find your self using yours alot maybe that type of play isn't what you actually enjoy and need to rethink how you structure your play.

In my experiences with the "phases" for pain play i have 4 very distinctive ones and possibly even 5 phases

1- the feels kind of good
2-that hurts and I kind of want it to stop this is the phase you power through
3- for me this is when maybe "sub space" comes into it this is when the pain is intense but I no longer think of it stopping and I start to crave more of it and this is the phase ideally you want to stay in
4- starts to get to much maybe starting to consider a safe word and maybe using what ever words or communication you use to go back to a little less pain but continue the play
5- safe word

Sometimes phase 4 is skipped and goes straight to safe word which is not desirable

 

[Pluky]

No I do not personally often find myself safe wording, I like to beg Sir with normal words and know that it's up to him what will happen next, most of the time I'm happy with whichever it is

 

[picaboo]

Lol definitely didn't mean to say I thought you did it guess my use of the word you is more of the submissive in a given situation

 

[Pluky]

Lol definitely didn't mean to say I thought you did it guess my use of the word you is more of the submissive in a given situation

Ah I always get those personal and impersonal "you"s mixed up

 

[picaboo]

Ah I always get those personal and impersonal "you"s mixed up

When i was writing it i was trying to think of a better way to word it lol it was either "you" or "the submissive in question" lol

 

[Jaro]

Honestly I don't think there is one correct way a sub should behave when it comes to pain. You should use your safe word when you feel you need to. And I think a good dom will respect that. Sure, I do like to push myself and I think many subs do. But there always is a point where it becomes too much and that is when you should safe word.

 

[picaboo]

Honestly I don't think there is one correct way a sub should behave when it comes to pain.

I believe the correct behavior to pain is to say thank you

 

[baloo]

I think this depends on how you enjoy the pain and how you play with it. Personally I prefer to enjoy the sensation - the pain itself but you can base your scene on obedience instead - where you endure rather than enjoy and thrive on the feeling of being a good sub, of being taken care of.
If I go and enjoy pain, it needs to be just right - not too weak so it is just annoying, not strong enough to send me into full-on fight-or-flight mode - that would break my submissiveness and kill the mood. I have had this even without any form of submission, we were doing direct communication and we did not need to come up with subby indicators for when it is too much - it went like "okay, harder, harder .. still a little more.. yes, that is good, keep it up!". This particular encounter I refer to we took turns on each other without any submission at all!

Mix that with D/s play, there certainly is a use for indirect indicators, like begging for mercy in a particular way, or using a traffic light system. I also think that playing this way - more sensual than sadistic - as a top I can fairly easily see how my partner feels and gauge how hard to hit.

On to the enduring mode: The point is really to go into the uncomfortable zone, genuinely squirm, maybe try to avoid impacts. There is screaming and tears, pleas for mercy are not granted. When you play like that I think there really is just the safe word left.
I miss screaming at the top of my lungs that way :/