I find myself frequently scrolling through the personal section. To be honest, I’m not entirely sure why. I’ve been so conflicted about getting into another D/s relationship. I’ve had a few but they end up fizzling out due to lack of communication on both sides. Life always ends up getting so busy and my spoons get depleted so fast that I don’t have the energy to send a single message, let alone have an entire conversation.
On the other hand, I miss the connection. I’m not a very social person irl. I’m very socially awkward and have social anxiety. I have a tendency to isolate myself. I still crave connection. I miss having the other half to complete the dynamic. I like having rules and getting tasks. Having a partner, even if it’s only online, is really nice. I like knowing that someone thinks about me as much as I think about them.
The fear of not being a good partner or having poor communication is almost paralyzing. I want to be a good submissive, to please my dominant, but I worry I’m just not able to currently. This doesn’t compare to the fear of rejection. I’m not sure why I’m so afraid of being rejected. I know that I’m not the perfect fit for everyone and that sometimes it just doesn’t work. Regardless, I don’t want to waste anyone’s time and come off as desperate.
I still look at the personals. None of them have been catching my eye. Maybe I’m hoping the perfect Dom(me) will fall out of the sky into my lap. Maybe I’m not actually looking for Dom(me). I’m not sure. I guess only time will tell.
On the other hand, I miss the connection. I’m not a very social person irl. I’m very socially awkward and have social anxiety. I have a tendency to isolate myself. I still crave connection. I miss having the other half to complete the dynamic. I like having rules and getting tasks. Having a partner, even if it’s only online, is really nice. I like knowing that someone thinks about me as much as I think about them.
The fear of not being a good partner or having poor communication is almost paralyzing. I want to be a good submissive, to please my dominant, but I worry I’m just not able to currently. This doesn’t compare to the fear of rejection. I’m not sure why I’m so afraid of being rejected. I know that I’m not the perfect fit for everyone and that sometimes it just doesn’t work. Regardless, I don’t want to waste anyone’s time and come off as desperate.
I still look at the personals. None of them have been catching my eye. Maybe I’m hoping the perfect Dom(me) will fall out of the sky into my lap. Maybe I’m not actually looking for Dom(me). I’m not sure. I guess only time will tell.