Questions for subs

[MessyAshy]

There is a questions for Doms thread, but not a similar one for subs... or I missed it. Still, I'll adapt the questions from the Dom one to work for subs.

1. How would you describe your submissive style (e.g., bratty, obedient, service-oriented)?
2. What’s your favorite aspect of being a sub?
3. How did you discover your submissive side?
4. How long have you been in the lifestyle?
5. What do you value most in a D/s dynamic?
6. What do you think makes a power exchange healthy and sustainable?
7. How do you approach negotiation and establishing limits?
8. How do you handle aftercare?
9. What qualities do you look for in a Dominant?
10. How do you build trust with a new partner?
11. What red flags would make you walk away from a dynamic?
12. Do you believe being a sub is something you are, or something you do?
13. What’s something you wish more people understood about submission?
14. If you could create your ideal scene, what would it look like?

 

[baloo]

1. How would you describe your submissive style (e.g., bratty, obedient, service-oriented)?

Sassy, bold, demanding. Also fleeting. Too many wrong moves and you know what "Teddybear!" means.

2. What’s your favorite aspect of being a sub?

The ability to drop into deep sub-space without having to rely on external senses for my responsibility.

3. How did you discover your submissive side?

Haven't got the faintest idea. One day I woke up and thought "that's it" I guess. Now I have been playing submissive sides longer than I have realized my switching side, memory gets fuzzy with old age

4. How long have you been in the lifestyle?

Lifestyle is such a mighty word, I learned to use my submissive (and dominant) side in everyday life, and playfully present it just a couple of years ago, until then it was more a fun-and-games kind of situation. That started more like decades ago. Yes, plural. I am shocked as well.

5. What do you value most in a D/s dynamic?

Trust. I am giving up my agency, and more often than not a great amount of ability to resist, so trust is paramount.

6. What do you think makes a power exchange healthy and sustainable?

Nothing. Power exchange is abusive, non-consensual, and barbaric. It is probably the root cause for mankind's inhumanity towards mankind.
Control exchange on the other hand, I firmly think that it is about the dipping in and out of that exchange that makes it healthy, sustainable, and even cathartic. Dropping out does not have to mean ending a D/s dynamic, but at least discussing it with a third party that is not involved in actual play, a form of metacognition.

7. How do you approach negotiation and establishing limits?

In phases, I dial in my limits way tighter in the beginning, testing, feeling it out, building trust before raising them to my actual ones.
There is more negotiation in the beginning, where I neither trust nor know my partner yet - and vice versa - but direct and frank communication is paramount throughout.

8. How do you handle aftercare?

That is part of the getting to know part, and negotiation. Aftercare is something that must be included in all session, no matter how much we need it in the end, but that is not something we know beforehand. I am easy to aftercare for, really. Be there, be quiet, make sure there is both water and a sweetend beverage, a blanket, a plushy, and dimmed lights. Anything else I will tell you. When I reach close enough to baseline I will be there for you.

9. What qualities do you look for in a Dominant?

Humor, adaptability, open-mindedness.

10. How do you build trust with a new partner?

Time. I do not trust anybody based on their word. Any observations to the contrary point to me not caring if trust is broken on the things I let them in on. Baby steps at my pace or slower, and they have to be consistent.

11. What red flags would make you walk away from a dynamic?

Many. That ought to be a carefully curated list and I don't have that written down, rather than internalized.

12. Do you believe being a sub is something you are, or something you do?

Being fluid and somewhat erratic in many of my dispositions, I say it is something I am, but not all the time. There are some things I made myself to be, and sometimes I force my submissive side into the foreground, but that doesn't mean I "do" that.

13. What’s something you wish more people understood about submission?

That it is not about pleasing the dominant(s), neither is it about getting what the submissive wants. It is a shared experience with mutual responsibility, albeit starkly asymmetrical. Think of tennis players shaking hand after a match. Good sportspersonship, but much more intimate.

14. If you could create your ideal scene, what would it look like?

I have you know my desires are diverse. There will never-ever be a singular ideal scene. It could be me being entirely submissive, not speaking a tone and getting the devil beaten out of me. It could be a colorful dance along the D/s t/b a/r axes with dozens of prowords/safewords being called. It could look like a bomb went off. It could be as simple as sitting across each other, perfectly still just looking at one another.
What all of these have in common? All partners enjoy what we are doing enthusiastically and dance in sync.

 

[picaboo]

1. How would you describe your submissive style (e.g., bratty, obedient, service-oriented)?

I am primarily obedient and service oriented. I love being able to just take the instructions and do them as well as doing every day services for my Dom. I have been told I am bratty and I am occasionally but not nearly as much as some I have met.

2. What’s your favorite aspect of being a sub?

BEing able to provide a Dom with pleasure and seeing someone happy just because I listen to what they say and how much it can free my own mind.

3. How did you discover your submissive side?

Talking to people online at a young age.

4. How long have you been in the lifestyle?

I can't pin point a specific time really at least 12 years

5. What do you value most in a D/s dynamic?

I value just having someone who cares about me enough to want to consider me there's and the comfort that can provide me.

6. What do you think makes a power exchange healthy and sustainable?

Communication. Like everything else having good communication is the most important aspect of it. Understanding what each person is wanting and getting out of it is very important and understanding that it can change through out the relationship.

7. How do you approach negotiation and establishing limits?

I don't really know how to answer this it's always so different if it's just for a scene than setting the boundaries and limits for it can be fairly simple especially if it's a new partner.

8. How do you handle aftercare?

Always different. Not every scene requires it. Most scenes I do now really don't require it since I haven't been involved in anything intense enough for me to need it but it's still something to be discussed before the scenes. My aftercare needs are pretty minimal. Make sure I'm ok physically and just fuck off for a bit and let me be.

9. What qualities do you look for in a Dominant?

Caring. Some one who can listen to me and attempt to understand my problems. Sadly I am the type of sub to "trauma dumping" some times so being ok with that is important.
I am also someone who enjoys my Dom fitting some of the more classic male rolls of protector and provider. If I don't feel my Dom could physically protect me it's hard to be in a actual relationship with them.

10. How do you build trust with a new partner?

Through play and experienceing scenes with them. Start slow and work our way up to the more extreme that requires more trust.

11. What red flags would make you walk away from a dynamic?

Being sexually demanding. Bragging about how many partners they had. Being concerned with how many partners I had. Attempting to push the idea of a serious or long-term dynamic before even having the first scene with me. Claiming I'm a perfect sub for them or they would be my perfect dom.

12. Do you believe being a sub is something you are, or something you do?

For me it's what I am I truly feel more comfortable being under a dominant person and feel the most safe in that dynamic

13. What’s something you wish more people understood about submission?

More people don't need to know about it. Those who are into it and understand it do and those who don't just don't and it isn't something that should be forced.

14. If you could create your ideal scene, what would it look like?

There is no ideal scene for me

 

[Jaro]

1. How would you describe your submissive style (e.g., bratty, obedient, service-oriented)?
I would say obedient and service-oriented. Definitely not a brat at all. But I also will say I am not 100% sub. I don't consider myself a slave, although in fantasy that does sound hot.

2. What’s your favorite aspect of being a sub?
Providing pleasure to someone else. Having a dominant woman be my boss. I love looking up to women.

3. How did you discover your submissive side?
When I discovered getDare and experimented about 9 years ago.

4. How long have you been in the lifestyle?
About 9 years, although in my case its not really a lifestyle.

5. What do you value most in a D/s dynamic?
Communication

6. What do you think makes a power exchange healthy and sustainable?
Communication both ways. Being -able to be- open about feelings at all times.

7. How do you approach negotiation and establishing limits?
We just talk about it.

8. How do you handle aftercare?
I haven't really needed much aftercare, but when I did, Miss Butterfly was always there for me.

9. What qualities do you look for in a Dominant?
Great communication skills foremost. After that a creative and devious but fair mind. And femininity. I love feminine women.

10. How do you build trust with a new partner?
Again, by communication. A Lot! And starting slow and building from there.

11. What red flags would make you walk away from a dynamic?
Lack of communication. Lying. Not keeping promises.

12. Do you believe being a sub is something you are, or something you do?
A bit of both to be honest. I am not 100% sub. I have a dominant side, also in the vanilla world.

13. What’s something you wish more people understood about submission?
That submission doesn't mean just demanding to receive kinky tasks.

14. If you could create your ideal scene, what would it look like?
I can't think of just one scene, but in all of them I'd be naked. She's be dressed in sexy clothes. High heels. Towering over me. Having one or more of her female friends assisting. In most scenes there would be some -partial- bondage involved and name calling ann, teasing and pain.

 

[Rainy13]

There is a questions for Doms thread, but not a similar one for subs... or I missed it. Still, I'll adapt the questions from the Dom one to work for subs.

1. How would you describe your submissive style (e.g., bratty, obedient, service-oriented)?

Bratty - it can slip into service-orientated if I'm feeling nice and subby - which was a surprise to discover

2. What’s your favorite aspect of being a sub?

I'm not sure which is my favourite - I guess I most enjoy the safe space I can let go of having to be in control of everything, in work and a lot of my personal life I have to control things to a silly degree - it's nice having enough trust and a safe feeling that I can finally let that go and just not carry that for 5 minutes and just focus on Deschut and what is happening.

3. How did you discover your submissive side?

mm I think I've always been attracted to the futile power play aspect (bratting wise - trying to sass and barter like you can influence it all and there aren't consequences just waiting to happen) and I guess service wise I've always tried to take it on myself to facilitate everything that needs done to make everyone happy and content around me so I guess It's always been a baseline aspect of my personality.

4. How long have you been in the lifestyle?

in a dynamic about 9 months, and maybe 4-5 months slightly exploring before that - but really didn't get to explore a lot of things till Deschut graced me with his ownership.

5. What do you value most in a D/s dynamic?

The connection and the Trust.

6. What do you think makes a power exchange healthy and sustainable?

Respect both ways, flexibility with aspects to ensure that needs and basics outside the dynamic are also respected and given appropriate support and space.

7. How do you approach negotiation and establishing limits?

Lots of clear communication, open minds on both sides to explore things but also to change strategy or stop and alter if things aren't having the intended effect. Again, RESPECT, respecting if someone is not having the intended outcome (stressed/ distressed/ just losing enjoyment) it is listened to and re-negotiated.

8. How do you handle aftercare?

Depends on the scenario - sometimes aftercare is just a nice we time to talk and connect after- sometimes it's more dedicated support and encouragement for some self soothing - hot baths, digital time out and reduce over stimulation.

9. What qualities do you look for in a Dominant?

A sense of humour/ Wit/ Sass, open mind, respectful, creativity, fairness and ability to be flexible and dynamic with the dynamic.

10. How do you build trust with a new partner?

I've only had one, and we took a good while talking and slowly increasing our conversations and slowly sharing more and connecting. We use time to just share thoughts and life experiences and reflect on things together and then In my limited experience a dom thats willing you slow you down and ensure things happen at a steady rate and check in often; especially with new things and dont let things continue even if you think you're fine but they think it's reach more than enough even if not met the original plan.

11. What red flags would make you walk away from a dynamic?

Lack of flexibility or attempt to be supportive or understanding inside and outside the dynamic. Clear demonstrations showing low levels of respect for wellbeing, situations, limits etc.

12. Do you believe being a sub is something you are, or something you do?

Why not both - Its probably a combination - I have always had the personality to cater and care for everyone, but also sass and be rebellious - but I don't class myself as a 'sub' then.

13. What’s something you wish more people understood about submission?

There's still a lot of control in it, and not every submissive is passive and wants to just be controlled/ has no control in their life or lacks the ability to take control.

14. If you could create your ideal scene, what would it look like?

mmm bondage, torment, edging, difficult challenges with impending forfeit/consequences and teased whilst attempting the challenge with how the consequence will play out.

 

[snoek]

There is a questions for Doms thread, but not a similar one for subs... or I missed it. Still, I'll adapt the questions from the Dom one to work for subs.

1. How would you describe your submissive style (e.g., bratty, obedient, service-oriented)?

Since about a year I've been getting more and more comfortable in my bratty side! So bratty (:

2. What’s your favorite aspect of being a sub?

Not having to think a lot and being told what to do... It's great mindfulness!!

3. How did you discover your submissive side?

It came to me very naturally I think, I like to listen and follow instructions!!

4. How long have you been in the lifestyle?

Ive been in a dynamic for about a year and a bit now, so about that long!

5. What do you value most in a D/s dynamic?

The trust, Friendship and structure!!

6. What do you think makes a power exchange healthy and sustainable?

Open communication!! If both sides can say anything that needs to be said and act on it accordingly i think it can stay healthy a long time!!

7. How do you approach negotiation and establishing limits?

Hmm, there is a few things i just don't do.. and most things I feel comfortable trying I want to try, because of the communication I have I always feel like I say what I want to say and so safely discover what I'm comfortable with.

8. How do you handle aftercare?

As it has mostly been online stuff I usually make sure I have a drink and s snack, then continue chatting with princess as it goes (:

9. What qualities do you look for in a Dominant?

Being a brat princess of course, good communications, being approachable in a not kink way, not pushing actual limits hmm, more but my brain isn't giving it to me..

10. How do you build trust with a new partner?

Just chatting a lot!! It takes a good connection but it seems to be VERY easy when it is the right person!

11. What red flags would make you walk away from a dynamic?

Not showing interest, not reading things, not respecting limits...

12. Do you believe being a sub is something you are, or something you do?

Hmm, I do feel like my personality is more submissive, but as I also can be dominant, I think it is partially a mindset and thus something I also do...

13. What’s something you wish more people understood about submission?

Hmmm, that it is not just being told what to do. (I just wrote that while my song had it as lyrics and it felt weird) There is a lot more to it, and the submissive has power in it too!

14. If you could create your ideal scene, what would it look like?

Oehhh, hmm, princess putting me in some bondage what makes me very vulnerable, and then spanking me, teasing me... *Starts blushing* Very simple, gets me very exited!!!

 

[misskubo]

There is a questions for Doms thread, but not a similar one for subs... or I missed it. Still, I'll adapt the questions from the Dom one to work for subs.

1. How would you describe your submissive style

I'm very much a people pleaser. I like to service and make my Master/Mistress/other play partner happy

2. What’s your favorite aspect of being a sub?

Getting to indulge in the experiences and sensations that arouse me for the arousal of my partner, letting go of myself and letting it happen, knowing that I am going to be looked after

3. How did you discover your submissive side?

Late night channel surfing in my early teens I found a low budget 70's porno about making low budget 70's pornos... On a film set they stripped a girl naked and locked her in a pillory and whipped her, while the director complained about her acting and told his assistant he wished the whip was real. He called cut, everyone left the set with her still trapped in the pillory, I turned the TV off in shocked shame and masturbated thinking about her for a month afterwards

4. How long have you been in the lifestyle?

Since my husband and I got together in 2004. I had a few boyfriends before him but none of them got it

5. What do you value most in a D/s dynamic?

Teamwork and trust

6. What do you think makes a power exchange healthy and sustainable?

Not something I have any experience with

7. How do you approach negotiation and establishing limits?

Start off light, have a clothes on sensible discussion about what I know I like, what I'm interested in trying, what I've done before... Gradually the conversation becomes more excitable and less sensible, but ease into anything physical

8. How do you handle aftercare?

Arnica cream, peppermint tea, soft knitted thigh high socks, a cosy soft blanket, a warm cuddle and being told I'm a good girl and loved

9. What qualities do you look for in a Dominant?

A good listener who takes the time to make sure we both understand each other, cares for me and can spot my discomfort and change their approach to keep me in sub space before I'm ready to admit to it and bring things to a stop; someone who's inventive and engaged

10. How do you build trust with a new partner?

Very slowly and carefully and with a lot of conversation

11. What red flags would make you walk away from a dynamic?

Luckily I've never been in that situation, but I got a lot of wannabes trying to approach me on Kinktalk that I ignored, low effort, starting off by calling me slut or whore before even introducing themselves and asking if I want to talk... People who suggest unsafe things because they've seen it in a porno, who ignore the vast litany of my previous writings where I've laid myself bare...

12. Do you believe being a sub is something you are, or something you do?

It's a part of who I am. Not all the time and not to everyone, but always there ready

13. What’s something you wish more people understood about submission?

How deeply it affects everything, mood, mental health, spiritual wellbeing...

14. If you could create your ideal scene, what would it look like?

It could look like so many different things depending on what turns me on today, but it feels comfortable, encouraging, supportive, sensual and safe