1. How would you describe your submissive style (e.g., bratty, obedient, service-oriented)?
Sassy, bold, demanding. Also fleeting. Too many wrong moves and you know what "Teddybear!" means.
2. What’s your favorite aspect of being a sub?
The ability to drop into deep sub-space without having to rely on external senses for my responsibility.
3. How did you discover your submissive side?
Haven't got the faintest idea. One day I woke up and thought "that's it" I guess. Now I have been playing submissive sides longer than I have realized my switching side, memory gets fuzzy with old age
4. How long have you been in the lifestyle?
Lifestyle is such a mighty word, I learned to use my submissive (and dominant) side in everyday life, and playfully present it just a couple of years ago, until then it was more a fun-and-games kind of situation. That started more like decades ago. Yes, plural. I am shocked as well.
5. What do you value most in a D/s dynamic?
Trust. I am giving up my agency, and more often than not a great amount of ability to resist, so trust is paramount.
6. What do you think makes a power exchange healthy and sustainable?
Nothing. Power exchange is abusive, non-consensual, and barbaric. It is probably the root cause for mankind's inhumanity towards mankind.
Control exchange on the other hand, I firmly think that it is about the dipping in and out of that exchange that makes it healthy, sustainable, and even cathartic. Dropping out does not have to mean ending a D/s dynamic, but at least discussing it with a third party that is not involved in actual play, a form of metacognition.
7. How do you approach negotiation and establishing limits?
In phases, I dial in my limits way tighter in the beginning, testing, feeling it out, building trust before raising them to my actual ones.
There is more negotiation in the beginning, where I neither trust nor know my partner yet - and vice versa - but direct and frank communication is paramount throughout.
8. How do you handle aftercare?
That is part of the getting to know part, and negotiation. Aftercare is something that must be included in all session, no matter how much we need it in the end, but that is not something we know beforehand. I am easy to aftercare for, really. Be there, be quiet, make sure there is both water and a sweetend beverage, a blanket, a plushy, and dimmed lights. Anything else I will tell you. When I reach close enough to baseline I will be there for you.
9. What qualities do you look for in a Dominant?
Humor, adaptability, open-mindedness.
10. How do you build trust with a new partner?
Time. I do not trust anybody based on their word. Any observations to the contrary point to me not caring if trust is broken on the things I let them in on. Baby steps at my pace or slower, and they have to be consistent.
11. What red flags would make you walk away from a dynamic?
Many. That ought to be a carefully curated list and I don't have that written down, rather than internalized.
12. Do you believe being a sub is something you are, or something you do?
Being fluid and somewhat erratic in many of my dispositions, I say it is something I am, but not all the time. There are some things I made myself to be, and sometimes I force my submissive side into the foreground, but that doesn't mean I "do" that.
13. What’s something you wish more people understood about submission?
That it is not about pleasing the dominant(s), neither is it about getting what the submissive wants. It is a shared experience with mutual responsibility, albeit starkly asymmetrical. Think of tennis players shaking hand after a match. Good sportspersonship, but much more intimate.
14. If you could create your ideal scene, what would it look like?
I have you know my desires are diverse. There will never-ever be a singular ideal scene. It could be me being entirely submissive, not speaking a tone and getting the devil beaten out of me. It could be a colorful dance along the D/s t/b a/r axes with dozens of prowords/safewords being called. It could look like a bomb went off. It could be as simple as sitting across each other, perfectly still just looking at one another.
What all of these have in common? All partners enjoy what we are doing enthusiastically and dance in sync.
