A
Anonymous (2ab7)
Guest
I've always kind of struggled to put up boundaries with people, and it's becoming a serious issue for me with regards to online play partners. I'm writing this half to just vent and half looking for advice.
I got messaged by a handful of people on other forums and let myself be talked into moving off those forums in favor of messaging apps. Not a huge deal, really, although I do find it kind of annoying. Half of these people are very respectful, very kind, and very understanding. The other half never, ever, ever let me have a moment of peace. They always want to talk (and inevitably try to convince me to do kinky shit for their entertainment) - when I'm sleeping, working, regardless of time zone differences, regardless of whatever responsibilities or requirements I've already committed to, they just have zero regard for my personhood.
You know, I try to explain that I don't live alone and don't have much privacy, that I'm a busy person who rarely has time for these kinds of things, that I can't always do what they want, and they say they understand in that moment, but immediately resume that needy, overbearing, inconsiderate shit. The amount of times I've been told that I should just involve my roommate in the kink shit, as if that wouldn't cross so many boundaries and ruin our relationship, and I've had to lie and say she's my sister or something for them to drop the topic and leave it alone? Even one time is too many, but it's happened more than once.
I try to explain that I probably have vaginismus or something and none of the dildos I own will fit further into me than an inch without some kind of pain, and I just get told to use more lube (I was already using lube, thanks) or that "it doesn't have to go in all the way, just three or four inches." I get told to do obviously unsafe things like using Vaseline as lube or putting adhesives on my genitals that would be toxic if absorbed into my skin.
It doesn't just come from dominants, either. I'll be trying to politely say "hey, it's really late here, I'm going to bed now," only to spend three more hours awake to come up with hypothetical funishments that may not ever happen, or to be asked to send as much porn as I can find, or to roll a goddamn faproulette because I guess it's more exciting when I do it even though it's entirely possible to do it your own damn self.
And, like, I get it. I'm the one who needs to be more assertive. I'm the one who isn't pushing back hard enough when all of this happens. Still, though, I feel like even a little bit of polite resistance should be respected, and it's really weird and offensive to just assume that a random stranger you just started speaking to should put everything in their life on hold for you at a moment's notice because of your erection. I don't know how to speak up without getting into an argument. My DMs are always blowing up and I never want to open them.
I got messaged by a handful of people on other forums and let myself be talked into moving off those forums in favor of messaging apps. Not a huge deal, really, although I do find it kind of annoying. Half of these people are very respectful, very kind, and very understanding. The other half never, ever, ever let me have a moment of peace. They always want to talk (and inevitably try to convince me to do kinky shit for their entertainment) - when I'm sleeping, working, regardless of time zone differences, regardless of whatever responsibilities or requirements I've already committed to, they just have zero regard for my personhood.
You know, I try to explain that I don't live alone and don't have much privacy, that I'm a busy person who rarely has time for these kinds of things, that I can't always do what they want, and they say they understand in that moment, but immediately resume that needy, overbearing, inconsiderate shit. The amount of times I've been told that I should just involve my roommate in the kink shit, as if that wouldn't cross so many boundaries and ruin our relationship, and I've had to lie and say she's my sister or something for them to drop the topic and leave it alone? Even one time is too many, but it's happened more than once.
I try to explain that I probably have vaginismus or something and none of the dildos I own will fit further into me than an inch without some kind of pain, and I just get told to use more lube (I was already using lube, thanks) or that "it doesn't have to go in all the way, just three or four inches." I get told to do obviously unsafe things like using Vaseline as lube or putting adhesives on my genitals that would be toxic if absorbed into my skin.
It doesn't just come from dominants, either. I'll be trying to politely say "hey, it's really late here, I'm going to bed now," only to spend three more hours awake to come up with hypothetical funishments that may not ever happen, or to be asked to send as much porn as I can find, or to roll a goddamn faproulette because I guess it's more exciting when I do it even though it's entirely possible to do it your own damn self.
And, like, I get it. I'm the one who needs to be more assertive. I'm the one who isn't pushing back hard enough when all of this happens. Still, though, I feel like even a little bit of polite resistance should be respected, and it's really weird and offensive to just assume that a random stranger you just started speaking to should put everything in their life on hold for you at a moment's notice because of your erection. I don't know how to speak up without getting into an argument. My DMs are always blowing up and I never want to open them.