I am both a Domme and a sub and recently I have realized that while the two parts of my personality have some similar qualities, there are also quiet a few differences. So I really wanted to write a blog to try and explain.
My Subby side
As a sub, the first word that comes to mind is bratty. This doesn't mean that I am disobedient. However, it does mean that I like to have fun. I like to find loopholes in tasks, make my Dom laugh by saying bratty things, or even leaving glitter in my Doms pocket. I don't ever want to cross the line into actually making my Dom upset or get myself into real trouble, but I do like to toe that line.
However, even when I am at the height of my brattiness, my Dom can call me back into line with just one special word or phrase. My brattiness also seems to come out more when we are in public (ie the chat room). But, when we are behind closed doors, I am actually very obedient. Even if I say "no" directly to my Dom, I will still obey.
When I am in full subby mode, I am the sweetest and cutest sub you will ever meet. I love to be supportive and kind, and do nice things for my Dom. I can be very selfless and will do anything to make my Dom happy. I really do take submission seriously. I want to make my Dom proud and happy.
As a sub I can also be pretty needy. I need lots of attention from my D type. I like to have somebody who is going to check in on my rules, and talk to me lots: about kink and stuff outside of kink. I also need lots of feedback and encouragement. I need a softy Dom, more of a caretaker type. Somebody who can deal with my little side.
But I also need a Dom who is going to be strict when needed. Who can give me one look or use a certain tone of voice and make my subby knees go weak. I need somebody who is going to make sure that I obey my rules and follow through with consequences if I don't. On the other hand, I need somebody who is going to be lenient and understanding when that is warranted. Somebody who won't punish me because I accidentally ruin an orgasm, or if I got busy at work and couldn't complete a task for them.
My Dommy side
As a Domme/Top, I am very strict. I put a great deal of time into negotiation with my play partners and making sure that we are on the right page. When I set rules, and they are agreed to, I expect them to be followed. I do not take a lot of shit or disobedience. If a rule is broken, there will be a consequence. If a rule is broken on purpose, with no reason other than "I don't want to", then our relationship will almost certainly immediately end.
That being said, I am also very fair and understanding. If there is a reason that something needs to be changed or modified, or something comes up in my bottoms life, I take that into consideration. When I do have to give out punishments or consequences, I like to be fair and make the punishment fit the crime. I don't believe in giving out funishments or setting up my bottom to fail. I want them to succeed.
I also have a very sadistic side. I don't enjoy giving out punishments because it means that I have been disappointed in my sub for some reason. However, I do give out tasks that make my sadistic side happy. These usually involve pain, mental stress, predicaments, and sometimes humiliation. I like to see my sub suffer for me in different ways. And I LOVE mind games!!! and being unpredictable.
I also like to make a difference in my bottoms life. I want to help make them healthier and happy. A lot of my rules will focus around that theme.
One other thing I need to mention is that because I have been propositioned so many times by male subs, I can be rather sensitive to somebody questioning my authority, calling me cute or adorable, or trying to Top me. I like to keep my Dommy and Subby sides as separate as possible and so when I feel that this territory is being invaded, I will lash out.
I have also found that when I give a task, although I love begging and can sometimes be persuaded, I really don't budge easily. What I say is law, and as long as I don't hear a safeword, then I usually won't change my mind.
Similarities
While I take D/s very seriously, I also like to have fun. If I can't be playful, and laugh, then I am not happy. I really like to be silly and make things fun for both me and my partner. Even when they are suffering for me or I am suffering for them, I want to be able to giggle and laugh and joke.
I am also very creative as both a Sub and Domme. As a sub, I like to find fun ways to get around tasks or rules. As a Domme, I like to think up new and interesting tasks. I am also very experimental in both roles. I like to try and explore new things with my partners.
Lastly, my communication is very good no matter the situation. Of course I have struggles and faults, but most of the time I am very good at communicating with my partners.
My Subby side
As a sub, the first word that comes to mind is bratty. This doesn't mean that I am disobedient. However, it does mean that I like to have fun. I like to find loopholes in tasks, make my Dom laugh by saying bratty things, or even leaving glitter in my Doms pocket. I don't ever want to cross the line into actually making my Dom upset or get myself into real trouble, but I do like to toe that line.
However, even when I am at the height of my brattiness, my Dom can call me back into line with just one special word or phrase. My brattiness also seems to come out more when we are in public (ie the chat room). But, when we are behind closed doors, I am actually very obedient. Even if I say "no" directly to my Dom, I will still obey.
When I am in full subby mode, I am the sweetest and cutest sub you will ever meet. I love to be supportive and kind, and do nice things for my Dom. I can be very selfless and will do anything to make my Dom happy. I really do take submission seriously. I want to make my Dom proud and happy.
As a sub I can also be pretty needy. I need lots of attention from my D type. I like to have somebody who is going to check in on my rules, and talk to me lots: about kink and stuff outside of kink. I also need lots of feedback and encouragement. I need a softy Dom, more of a caretaker type. Somebody who can deal with my little side.
But I also need a Dom who is going to be strict when needed. Who can give me one look or use a certain tone of voice and make my subby knees go weak. I need somebody who is going to make sure that I obey my rules and follow through with consequences if I don't. On the other hand, I need somebody who is going to be lenient and understanding when that is warranted. Somebody who won't punish me because I accidentally ruin an orgasm, or if I got busy at work and couldn't complete a task for them.
My Dommy side
As a Domme/Top, I am very strict. I put a great deal of time into negotiation with my play partners and making sure that we are on the right page. When I set rules, and they are agreed to, I expect them to be followed. I do not take a lot of shit or disobedience. If a rule is broken, there will be a consequence. If a rule is broken on purpose, with no reason other than "I don't want to", then our relationship will almost certainly immediately end.
That being said, I am also very fair and understanding. If there is a reason that something needs to be changed or modified, or something comes up in my bottoms life, I take that into consideration. When I do have to give out punishments or consequences, I like to be fair and make the punishment fit the crime. I don't believe in giving out funishments or setting up my bottom to fail. I want them to succeed.
I also have a very sadistic side. I don't enjoy giving out punishments because it means that I have been disappointed in my sub for some reason. However, I do give out tasks that make my sadistic side happy. These usually involve pain, mental stress, predicaments, and sometimes humiliation. I like to see my sub suffer for me in different ways. And I LOVE mind games!!! and being unpredictable.
I also like to make a difference in my bottoms life. I want to help make them healthier and happy. A lot of my rules will focus around that theme.
One other thing I need to mention is that because I have been propositioned so many times by male subs, I can be rather sensitive to somebody questioning my authority, calling me cute or adorable, or trying to Top me. I like to keep my Dommy and Subby sides as separate as possible and so when I feel that this territory is being invaded, I will lash out.
I have also found that when I give a task, although I love begging and can sometimes be persuaded, I really don't budge easily. What I say is law, and as long as I don't hear a safeword, then I usually won't change my mind.
Similarities
While I take D/s very seriously, I also like to have fun. If I can't be playful, and laugh, then I am not happy. I really like to be silly and make things fun for both me and my partner. Even when they are suffering for me or I am suffering for them, I want to be able to giggle and laugh and joke.
I am also very creative as both a Sub and Domme. As a sub, I like to find fun ways to get around tasks or rules. As a Domme, I like to think up new and interesting tasks. I am also very experimental in both roles. I like to try and explore new things with my partners.
Lastly, my communication is very good no matter the situation. Of course I have struggles and faults, but most of the time I am very good at communicating with my partners.