How sexual is your Kink?

How sexual is your kink?

I was reading a post from @baloo and in it they mention kink and sex can be very different and I'm going to quote directly from them.

"personally, when I engage in kinky activities, I usually do not feel sexual arousal"

I completely agree with them! Honestly sex to me ruins most scenes. I love sex, I love getting fucked, sucking dick, even eating the occasional pussy but most of my personal kink doesn't involve it.

I feel so many things in kink and rarely is it arousal it's almost the opposite. It's not so much excitement as it peace.

It took me a while to realize this. When I got into kink I thought it was just a more intense sexual experience but the more I got into longer scenes I found my self not liking the sex part but almost forcing it in to the scene thinking it was needed.

Once I learned to leave out the sex my kink got so much more intense and gratifying. I was more free with who I did it with because I no longer cared about if I was sexually interested in my partner. Taking out the sex also made me less worried about getting/spreading disease.

Right now my sex life and my kink life are almost completely separate. I participate in kink scenes in some way almost weekly and go to dungeons regularly and partake in it with a lot of different partners. Although my main partner is a man who I would never be really sexually interested in but he knows how to handle me in scenes better than almost anyone else I have been with. When it comes to sex other than giving blow jobs I don't remember the last time I had actual sex it just isn't a priority to me anymore.

I know this really isn't what ballos post was about but it just made me think about this.

If you do read this baloo please tell me if I used improper pronouns when referring to you

And please everyone refer to there post here-

B

Thread '"Is this normal?" - Misconceptions about Kink!'

May 14, 2025

Lets have a look at some misconceptions about kink!

Something that has had me roll my eyes a lot lately is the question "Is this normal?", in its various forms. What ergs me about it is not that it is a stupid question - it is not! I appreciate how kinksters of any experience level look at what they experience and be concerned, confused even. The answer to these questions is almost always a resounding "yes" with more or less words, completely missing a couple of points and that is what I want to share here.

First of all, I don't think there is a "normal" - there is no universal law that...

• baloo

• 
• 

 

[Butterfly]

I agree with so much of this. I love orgasms, and some of my kinks directly relate to orgasms (like edging and orgasm control) BUT so many of my kinks have nothing to do with sex or orgasms. When I attend "public" kink events, I don't have sex, I am usually still wearing at least some clothes actually, and if I don't get an orgasm (with toys, mouths, hands etc.) then I am not upset. I am there for the kink: the spanking, the sensation play, etc.

 

[The Brat Princess]

Very much not about sex or sexual arousal for me. As Butterfly has said there are some that relate. But for the most part it isn't and that makes me more comfortable than I could possibly express. I wish this had been something I could have learned at a younger age, but such is hind sight.

 

[Jaro]

I totally understand the distinction. But for me most BDSM practices are definitely sexually arousing, even if they don't include any actual sex. If I didn't feel this I would probably not enjoy them as much.