Hard limits vs. soft limits

[Butterfly]

What’s your definition of a “hard limit” vs. a “soft limit”? How do you distinguish the two?
Have any of your soft limits ever shifted into hard limits — or vice versa? What changed?
Have you ever felt pressure (internal or external) to soften a hard limit? How did you navigate that?
How often do you revisit and re-evaluate your limits, especially in evolving dynamics?

Can you share some examples of your hard v. soft limits?

 

[The Brat Princess]

What’s your definition of a “hard limit” vs. a “soft limit”? How do you distinguish the two?

Hard limit - Something that is not to be requested at anytime. Something a person is not willing to do or discuss doing, blanket no.
Soft limit - Something that is not to be requested, but can be asked for. Once asked it could be a yes or could be a no. Many things could put something in this category. But I find it is mostly for me at least a level of trust. The things in there I am ok to do with someone I trust at times I accept. But not just anyone.

Have any of your soft limits ever shifted into hard limits — or vice versa? What changed?

Not that I remember, but soft limits have gone to likes or dislikes as I became more comfortable with doing them. Or things I have gotten more selective about moved to soft limits. Mood and what I have received would be the biggest influence on that.

Have you ever felt pressure (internal or external) to soften a hard limit? How did you navigate that?

No, I would be disappointed if anyone ever did so. I have had someone joke that one would move. But pressure no.

How often do you revisit and re-evaluate your limits, especially in evolving dynamics?

Yes. I will look over them every so often to ensure they all still fit. Usually nothing changes, but can happen.

Can you share some examples of your hard v. soft limits?

I can yes

Hard: Public hard because I can not guarantee I will not be seen by someone who did not consent to seeing that. I personally refuse to risk that ever.
Soft: Diapers Soft because while I can enjoy doing stuff with that, It is extremely mood dependent and also I am particular on how, so I prefer to trust the person and be able to discuss with them the hows and how nots. Gives me a level of control of its use.

 

[MessyAshy]

What’s your definition of a “hard limit” vs. a “soft limit”? How do you distinguish the two?

I would say a hard limit is never ever ever not even once, and a soft limit is more "with the right partner in the right conditions I would be open to maybe building up towards trying it". And I don't distinguish. I show my limits as just limits, and that's it.

Have any of your soft limits ever shifted into hard limits — or vice versa? What changed?

Yeah, things evolve, things shift as new perspectives are gained. Needles used to be a hard limit until I witnessed a medical staple demonstration and realized skin deep penetration doesn't trigger my needle aversion, for example.

Have you ever felt pressure (internal or external) to soften a hard limit? How did you navigate that?

Nope.

How often do you revisit and re-evaluate your limits, especially in evolving dynamics?

Constantly, it's always a game of 'how do I feel at this moment and why?' Both us and our environment are in a perpetual process of change, we can not stop that. As such, to stay comfortable is to question what is comfort in this time, rather than clinging to what used to be comfortable in the past without acknowledging any temporal fluctuation.

Can you share some examples of your hard v. soft limits?

Hard: Illegal. I am not going to jail for anyone. On top of that, laws have a reason, to protect the public. Violating them risks bringing undue harm to innocent bystanders, or myself. Even in the event that laws become about oppression rather than protection, I would be fighting and violating them for moral reasons, not as part of some kinky game.

Soft: Let's go with needles again, top of mind tip of tongue. If I ever gain a connection and trusting relationship with someone who is skilled in the ways of needle play, I'd give it a go. But just myself, or some rando I just met, no fucking way.