I am very picky when it comes to choosing a Dom. And it makes it even worse because I have been spoiled by having some of the best Doms in the world as past partners.
I have been consistently looking for the right match for awhile now, and have posted a variety of ads throughout that time. To be honest, it's really hard to make a list of the things that you are looking for.
What I do know, is that I need somebody who is going to be caring. I want somebody who will say nice things when I am feeling sick, who will not run away when I cry, who will ask me how I am doing if I am quiet. Not only should they care about my physical well being, but they should care about my mental well being as well.
My Dom needs to be willing to be put second at times, or even third! D/s is important to me, but so is my job, my friends, my social life and most of all my Husband! Sometimes I am going to need a break from all rules and tasks for half a day, or a full day, or even a week! And that needs to be ok! At the same time, my Dom needs to make me a priority at least some of the time!
I need somebody who will be understanding. Whether that means they will be flexible with tasks when I have my period, or that they won't punish me for things that are out of my control. I need somebody who is going to listen to me: to my feelings, my fears, my thoughts, my circumstances, and take all of those into account when making decisions.
I need somebody who is really good at communication! Nobody is perfect, I certainly am not. But I work hard to communicate my feelings both in writing (blogs, reports etc.) and verbally. If I am not ready to communicate, or unable to communicate about a certain issue, I will communicate that! I put a lot of effort into communication, and I want somebody who is going to put equal effort in.
The person who I choose as a Dom needs to know that I have a personality. I am not just going to say "yes sir" or "no sir"! I am going to be bratty and call him silly names, I am going to say "No!", stomp my foot, and threaten to tie him up and tickle him. He will also need to have his own personality, I am not subbing to a robot, nor will I be a robot.
I need somebody who will take control! I know this sounds obvious because that is what a Dom does, but I am very stubborn and bratty and I can also be pretty adorable and charming. I need somebody who is not going to be immune to those things, but who won't let those things sway their decisions ALL the time (sometimes is encouraged
).
The Dom who is right for me will have a sense of humor. They will have problems holding back their smile or laughter at times when I am especially clever and bratty! They will also make me laugh and smile.
I need a Dom who is going to be evil. He needs to do evil and devilish things to me. He needs to think up creative and new ways to torture and tease me. He will want to make me suffer at times. At the same time, he will be fiercely protective! He will not stand for others hurting me.
My perfect Dom will reassure me. He will tell me that he ia proud of me, he will call me a sweet pet name, he will compliment me even when I forbid him to!
I need a Dom who will push me. He will not be deterred by my complaining, whining, or tears (I have a safeword for a reason!). He will push my boundaries a little bit, sometimes so slowly I don't even realize it. He will constantly be wanting me to do better than last time.
The Dom I choose will be able to speak and write in proper English. They may not be a native English speaker. They may make mistakes in spelling or say things a little different from me, but they will know how to use punctuation, capital letters, and put effort into their writing, because I do! Also ... they must comment on my blogs and other posts!
I need a Dom who is not afraid to be silly. He might sing a silly song to me even if his voice is awful, or he will glitterize his penis for my amusement. I am not looking for a domly-dom serious guy.
The Dom I choose will be supportive of the fact that I like to Domme once in a while. They will allow me to explore that freely with whoever I may choose, and they will not interfere (unless I ask).
I need a Dom who wants to talk to me, not just play and then leave. The Dom I am looking for wants to talk to me on the phone, just because it is nice to chat about how our day went. He wants to tell me about the fight he had with his mom, or about the secret he heard at work. My Dom needs to believe in aftercare, even if that just means being silent but present while I recover from a play session.
Lastly, my Dom needs to be able to make me feel subby. There are some people who just can't do that. My Dom needs to be able to make me safe, comfortable, blushy and vulnerable so that I can submit to him. If not, it will never work.
Of course, having similar likes and limits and interests are all important too, but I think all of these above qualities are even more important than those things!
So a note to all those Doms who wonder why I have said we are not a good match, it is probably because of one of the above!
I have been consistently looking for the right match for awhile now, and have posted a variety of ads throughout that time. To be honest, it's really hard to make a list of the things that you are looking for.
What I do know, is that I need somebody who is going to be caring. I want somebody who will say nice things when I am feeling sick, who will not run away when I cry, who will ask me how I am doing if I am quiet. Not only should they care about my physical well being, but they should care about my mental well being as well.
My Dom needs to be willing to be put second at times, or even third! D/s is important to me, but so is my job, my friends, my social life and most of all my Husband! Sometimes I am going to need a break from all rules and tasks for half a day, or a full day, or even a week! And that needs to be ok! At the same time, my Dom needs to make me a priority at least some of the time!
I need somebody who will be understanding. Whether that means they will be flexible with tasks when I have my period, or that they won't punish me for things that are out of my control. I need somebody who is going to listen to me: to my feelings, my fears, my thoughts, my circumstances, and take all of those into account when making decisions.
I need somebody who is really good at communication! Nobody is perfect, I certainly am not. But I work hard to communicate my feelings both in writing (blogs, reports etc.) and verbally. If I am not ready to communicate, or unable to communicate about a certain issue, I will communicate that! I put a lot of effort into communication, and I want somebody who is going to put equal effort in.
The person who I choose as a Dom needs to know that I have a personality. I am not just going to say "yes sir" or "no sir"! I am going to be bratty and call him silly names, I am going to say "No!", stomp my foot, and threaten to tie him up and tickle him. He will also need to have his own personality, I am not subbing to a robot, nor will I be a robot.
I need somebody who will take control! I know this sounds obvious because that is what a Dom does, but I am very stubborn and bratty and I can also be pretty adorable and charming. I need somebody who is not going to be immune to those things, but who won't let those things sway their decisions ALL the time (sometimes is encouraged
). The Dom who is right for me will have a sense of humor. They will have problems holding back their smile or laughter at times when I am especially clever and bratty! They will also make me laugh and smile.
I need a Dom who is going to be evil. He needs to do evil and devilish things to me. He needs to think up creative and new ways to torture and tease me. He will want to make me suffer at times. At the same time, he will be fiercely protective! He will not stand for others hurting me.
My perfect Dom will reassure me. He will tell me that he ia proud of me, he will call me a sweet pet name, he will compliment me even when I forbid him to!
I need a Dom who will push me. He will not be deterred by my complaining, whining, or tears (I have a safeword for a reason!). He will push my boundaries a little bit, sometimes so slowly I don't even realize it. He will constantly be wanting me to do better than last time.
The Dom I choose will be able to speak and write in proper English. They may not be a native English speaker. They may make mistakes in spelling or say things a little different from me, but they will know how to use punctuation, capital letters, and put effort into their writing, because I do! Also ... they must comment on my blogs and other posts!
I need a Dom who is not afraid to be silly. He might sing a silly song to me even if his voice is awful, or he will glitterize his penis for my amusement. I am not looking for a domly-dom serious guy.
The Dom I choose will be supportive of the fact that I like to Domme once in a while. They will allow me to explore that freely with whoever I may choose, and they will not interfere (unless I ask).
I need a Dom who wants to talk to me, not just play and then leave. The Dom I am looking for wants to talk to me on the phone, just because it is nice to chat about how our day went. He wants to tell me about the fight he had with his mom, or about the secret he heard at work. My Dom needs to believe in aftercare, even if that just means being silent but present while I recover from a play session.
Lastly, my Dom needs to be able to make me feel subby. There are some people who just can't do that. My Dom needs to be able to make me safe, comfortable, blushy and vulnerable so that I can submit to him. If not, it will never work.
Of course, having similar likes and limits and interests are all important too, but I think all of these above qualities are even more important than those things!
So a note to all those Doms who wonder why I have said we are not a good match, it is probably because of one of the above!