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AIO Bedtime Negotiations

  • Thread starter Thread starter Anonymous (3382)
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Anonymous (3382)

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Am I overeacting?

I started talking to a potential Dom recently. We were discussing a bedtime rule and he was being very insistent and pushy with me about a 10 pm bedtime. With my social and work life, this doesn't work well for me. I also have insomnia and so having a set time like that also isn't very helpful. Furthermore, I don't have to be awake until 9 am and 11 hours of sleep for a grown adult is a bit excessive.

I tried to tell him that it wouldnt work and provided other alternative options such as creating a bedtime routine rather than a set time that I needed to be in bed. He was having none of it and kept calling me a brat and telling me that he wasn't going to let me get away with that.

Even though we hadn't negotiated an actual dynamic, I did use a safeword and said something along the lines of "RED - I am actually being serious and not just bratting. This does not work for my life and I am happy to work with you to find a compromise, but I can't commit to this".

When he still didn't take me seriously, I deleted and blocked him.

Now I feel guilty. Did I overeact? Should I have given him another chance?
 
No, he was being unreasonable. If you really like him otherwise and just want to give him another chance, I would say maybe you could unblock him and ask him WHY this was such a non-negotiable for him? Give him the chance to let him convince you of it, or perhaps it could be a "10 pm unless you have other social obligations in which case you will make it up by doing y..." But, idk, my first thought is he was being unreasonable and you're better off finding someone better suited for you.
 
I would say no you are not. While kink dynamics do have 1 person in a clear place of authority, that can only work if there is a consenting and firm bedrock that both parties are comfortable with and want. No matter what a limit should be respected and it sounds to me as though you were saying the set time is a limit but here is an option I could negotiate with. This is not in any way bratting (I kinda dislike When this is the go to I don't like that you are not agreeable so your a brat that's not how it works) it is negotiation which is the bedrock of not just kink but all relationships.

My hounest opinion from how you described it is that you were being reasonable and explaining a genuine issue that would prevent it from working. And it is important in all relationships but in kink especially that the needs of both sides are considered and it sounds as though yours wernt. I am sorry you had that experience but your not the butt hole and I hope you have a better experience in future.
 
I am a soft Dom myself and understand the desire to implement your will, as the Dom. However, the use of the safe word makes it a non-negotiable for me. You have to stop, you have to understand that the kink/fetish has limits and right now, you're being shown one. It's that simple for me, no overreaction imo.
 
^---- Agree with all of the above. You are definitely *NOT* overreacting. That person needs to understand that everything is a give and take and they can't just unilaterally control everything about your life. You say it won't work, you explain why. They need to accept that and, as you suggested, work arounds could be done. Bed time process is a good one. Maybe by 10 PM, you'd have to be starting the routine. (It might not; you did say that it was a conflict with work and social life. Just saying that was a possible solution.)

So, you definitely did not overreact. He needs to re-asses his understanding of how to be a dom.
 
Yes, you’ve done exactly the right thing, that doesn’t sound like someone to get involved with at all. Everyone above have already given you sound reasoning but I’d just add, if he knows you have trouble sleeping he should be aiming rules to help you with that, not make it worse. There are plenty of other ideas he could have come up with that he’d have got his enjoyment from and would have worked for you too.
 
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