What has happened to the online kinky world?

[Boyinbetween]

Hi all, sorry but I needed a space to understand and voice what I am feeling as well as a way to understand if I am the problem.

As you can see in my signature I am a switch and I want to reconnect with my sub part. If you want more info you know where to go. But that’s not what I want to talk about, I needed to reference it because that’s where everything has started.

What I am trying to understand is: what has changed in the online kinky community?

I have posted that ad and other shorter versions online and people seems to have lost the ability to read, lots of people ghosting after chatting for hours. This is just something that I kept noticing. I remember there were way nicer people before who actually read and listened to what you have to say.

Now there seems to be just people who wants everything instantly or and carelessly contact you.

Is it asking too much for a proper introduction once you wrote 500 words explaining what you are looking for?

Is it too much saying “I am really sorry but this is not what I am looking for” even after a few sessions.

I understand it’s a kinky world but it seems to me we have lost all the humanity of interaction just because we are online.

I would like to hear what you have to say.

 

[DaringIntrovert]

I don't think it's "back then" vs "now". It's not like we are a small community od discord. There's kinky community on many different websites, on live events, with many people being in multiple places and some only in one. I won't give you exact statistics, but I don't think those are numbers so low, that you could properly convey your interactions into the whole community.

Add to this that people will be looking at different things at different times, take breaks, change their mind etc. Ghosting isn't nice, but there are many different people and you can always find someone that will act this way and there were people like that in the past, you just did not encounter them that much. It doesn't instantly mean that there's more of them now.

As for reading, as I am paying attention to it myself, many people struggled with it and will struggle. It could be getting worse, because with AI people do not even need to write, they just put in the intention and get a whole text. Does many people use it this way? Probably not or at least not yet. Also language is a living thing and even though I like changes and think that things need to move forward, the simplification of language we now have is too much. With internet there's often no capital letters, no punctuation, no ortography, no grammar. People are often surprised when I use dots at the end of a sentence.

This leads as to another thing. It's not just about community, it's about ability to write and read with understanding. It could be getting worse with the excessive simplification of languages, but it was there before, because people need to care to pay attention to it. Ghosting also isn't a new thing. Internet just made it easy. Outside you often do not have the option to just avoid someone, but when you could, there were people that ditched others without saying a word. And again, someone need to care to actually tell you they are not interested, instead of just not responding and going on with their life. But it's not just kinky community and it's not just a thing of now, but also of the past.

Sometimes something could happen and we don't even know, it's not always not caring or bad intentions, but we might never know how it was in specific cases. Did they just bailed on me or had a heart attack? Hard to say. But there will be many people that will be nice, will read, will keep responding.

 

[Boyinbetween]

First thanks for replying I partially agree with what you said. I know you know but I wrote the original post out of the frustration of 10 days of searching spending hours chatting with people who with the silliest of the excuses, "I am tired, I will reply tomorrow" or just "I am busy talk later" would then disappear in the middle of a conversation. It was not the first few messages and on the opposite side people how discarded what I wrote or didn't understand what "No, I am not interested" meant. I understand that life can get in the way but ether I am the last person you chat online before you something catastrophic happens in your life or people are just being extremely uneducated.

I would have loved to know how long have you been playing in the community and how old are you, it would have helped placing your reply in a time window, if this makes sense.

I think what we are witnessing is the "I am online I can do whatever I want". I had chats with both doms and subs who said they just wanted the role part online and didn't care about anything else, respectable but totally unbelievable. I do understand the online world is an escape but I think it is a new wave of consumer which are born during the internet and have lost this attachment to reality. I see older people who were born along side the Internet who told me exactly what I am saying to you, there was way more respect once.

On top of that one fact I didn't consider is that I might have raised the bar myself so I do tend to click with less people, so thanks for making me realise that.

I know it's not an answer per se to what you said, but I wanted to get ideas from other people and see if it was a me problem or not.

Thanks again

 

[DaringIntrovert]

I would have loved to know how long have you been playing in the community and how old are you, it would have helped placing your reply in a time window, if this makes sense.

Sure, but you know, it's still not doing much. Like I said and still believe, it's not just the thing about kinky community, but communication with people in general and there's so many people, even in just kinky community, that it's not really giving you any real statistics to state if it's getting worse or not.

I will be 30 this year, have been kinky pretty much my whole life, even as a kid, but did not have much to do with kinky online community until 2021.

Not sure what it gives you, but here it is.